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Just Angsting a little.
Just gonna get it out here where few people see it and it won't get blown out of proportion.
A lot of people get depressed this time of year because of the waning sunlight....
I know why I feel this way though.
I am-
~Jobless
~Slow
~Lazy
~Unmotivated
~Constantly in pain
~Failure
~Failure
~Failure
~Failure
~Failure.
I think about the one outstanding RL commish I have and why the ******** don't I finish it?
Because I realize it's only another $8.50 or so.
Ashley just got two $30 commishes.
So wtf?! Is it because I'm so slow?
They aren't that good, is that why?
I wish I could get the truth. I wish there was a global rating scale that was actually fair and could tell me where I place without euphemizing it for me.
No fake squeals of delight upon reciept. Just an honest ******** AUGH. How in the ******** am I the only one that sees what's wrong? That can't be ******** true!
I can't get anything done....
I still only go for $24 a picture. No one has ordered since I jacked the price up. Granted, I've been on a health hiatus, and even POI has suffered from my lack of attention.
I can't put out for my fiance. I can't even do the honor of presence for my girl.
All I can do is make people wonder.....
Day after day... it's sleep late, wake up dizzy, crash around three, dilly around doing something useless and then lump about feeling sorry for myself until bed at two.
I can't even tell you what day it is most of the time...
I failed NaNo. I can't write another damn word. Not even 2,000 words.
I can't even sew a sari for a damned dollfie without screwing something up. Bad thread. Hem tape moved over too far. Wrinkles. Bumpy edge. Out of detail trim.
For those of you who aren't aware, a Sari consists of a single. strip. of fabric. in a rectangle. How I ******** that up? You tell me.
All I ever do is sew, scribble, and loaf about...
I can't believe certain people think I deserve their attention...
I just want something to be easy for once... even the solution I have in mind isn't easy... because if I fail I have bills I can not handle. Because I may lose my MA. Because I suck and I lost my last pay stub and they need it to reinstate my MA.
I hate this time of year... for some reason or another, even ignoring the weather, my life... just falls apart.
I won't live to see another December.
Don't let me.
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Community Member
You are loved!!!
Don't worry My Dear!!!
December sucks, yes ...
but you don't, no matter what you say or think.
Much love from Sapphy.