• I've felt the filthiest feeling that one could experience.

    As If I was a pig in a sty only no pleasure, I cry.

    I wash and scrub, but the filth won't was away, I wish it would die.

    I've been dirty for awhile yet I stay in a compression.

    It's getting so bad that I've driven myself, to my surprise, CLEAN into a depression.

    You would think that after that ring worm I would have learned my lesson.

    I wasn't supposed to leave, but I did. I regret this decision immediately.

    An intense feeling of frustration overtakes my soul as I scrub my flesh vehemently.

    It's almost as if the filth is within, deep within me.

    As I go on with life, I think people see it on me.

    They stare grimly, whispering to one another about me.

    They down their noses at me because of the stain they see.

    It destroys me internally and brings me to my knees, and I plead.

    I say please and it's empty because no one answers me. I cry deeply, but no one hears me. I wish I could be stain free. I want to jump into a tub of hot grease and howl as it fries me. I wish I had never fallen into that category which is the inspiration of my story.

    This feeling is a long term one which I can't shake. It plagues me everyday that I wake and during every step I take. If you know the person I was prior, you can see the pain and despair in my face. Life is dinner time and pain is my plate. Despair is my knife and fork with defeat as my steak. I wanted to have fun, but now regret this price I've been forced to pay. I could easily speak and be free, but I'm going to be silent forever at this rate.

    I feel as if I've been dirtied and misused like an outcast adolescent on a play date bashed against the wall of awkwardness by the tide of emotional jaggedness as of late. Only I'm not a child, I'm a girl who's been wronged, I'm a victim. I've been disrespected beyond your wildest belief. I've been destroyed mentally, emotionally, and somewhat physically. I wish I could escape and start with a new slate, but it's too late. I'm a victim of date r a p e.