• (Singapore Version)

    Once upon a time, in a far, far away HDB flat, there lived a lady named Snow Gray. She had a beautiful daughter named Snow White, but the father of Snow White had decided to turn gay and run away with his love; So Snow White was only raised by her mother.

    One day, the Queen was bored and was determined to force the Prince to marry the surly and pudgy princess from the next country. The Prince was enraged and stomped out of the castle. Halfway, it began to rain. The Prince dashed into Snow Gray’s HDB flat to take shelter. Now, Snow Gray was busy fiddling with the new pimple on her nose while she was walking out of the lift and bumped into the Prince.
    Sparks did not fly.
    The Prince was getting desperate as the Queen’s Sengkang Police Force was coming, so he asked, no, got Snow Gray to marry him. He married Snow Gray, lying to his mother that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.

    Now, as Snow Gray grew wrinkled and old, Snow White grew more and more radiant. The Prince began to eye Snow White and one day, Snow Gray saw the Prince touch Snow White’s hands lustily! She walked back into her bedroom and switch on the magic mirror to Channel 5. In the middle of ‘Desperate Housewives’, Snow Gray yelled,
    “LAI REN AH! Get rid of Snow White for me ASAP!’
    Snow White heard that and went to the kitchen. She took out a leg of lamb. Snow White walked up behind Snow Gray and without any pause or whatsoever, she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of Snow Gray’s head.
    Then she took her Adidas bag and sneaked out of the castle.

    Soon, Snow White got lost in the woods with the animals and her phone had no reception. She started to sing loudly, tunelessly and soon found herself alone, obviously. She wandered around idly and found a little house. Being the rude and spoilt girl she was, she marched in without knocking and found herself staring at seven little dwarfs in their underwears. (Eeeeyer) She screamed without thinking. It was the wrong thing to do, for it would straight away mark her as a female. And what would seven lazy dwarfs living alone in the woods want?
    A maid of course.
    As Snow White was too dumb to unlock the front door, she worked as a maid for them. She hated Sneezy particularly as he always threw his used tissues around.

    One day, Grumpy gave Snow White an apple as she cleaned the room extraordinarily well. What he did not know was that Snow White hated him and had sprinkled chili powder on his underwear. Snow White had apparently learned to read and happened to glance before in a book somewhere that if you somehow choked on apples and faint, Prince Charming would appear and you’ll live happily ever after. It seemed that princes liked to kiss fainted girls? She giggled in glee and bit into the crisp apple. Sadly, she was still awake after crunching the whole apple up.

    A dim bulb appeared floating beside her head, as Snow White was not very bright.
    She had an idea.
    Snow White decided to act like she died. She apparently did not consider the fact that one of the dwarfs might kiss her. Disgusting. Too bad. She had to take chances. With a dramatic sigh, she aimed her apple core to the window and smashed the glass as she hated the dwarfs and decided to have a little fun before she left the house. The dwarfs came charging in from the front door and found Snow White on the floor. They dumped her in the forest and decided to have a game of throwing pebbles into Snow White’s nostrils. Snow White tried not to kick the dwarfs’ own annoying noses and thought aloud to herself:
    ‘If only someone would kiss me already! I wouldn’t mind if it’s any of the dwarfs. At least they own the diamond cave. And my nose really hurts.’
    Finally, the dwarfs were totally bored gave up (as Snow White’s nostrils were actually too small, but they didn’t notice) and got on with their lives at home, watching football in their underwear.

    Snow White’s head began to spin. She was alone, she was afraid. And there were mosquitoes.
    At then! Oh! She heard a horse!
    The scent of a real man filled the air. (Phwhoar.) She prayed and prayed that it wasn’t just some ogre and his donkey… and that her hair covered that simple pimple she just got.

    She made herself relax and puckered up her lips for her prince.
    “Ahh~ Oh. You are MY prince! I love you!”
    Snow White fluttered her eyes open and- Wait. That wasn’t her.
    She got up and looked behind her.
    Aurora, that woman who went around tricking everyone she slept for a hundred years, when in fact she had been eating pizza delivery and watching Kids Central every single of that one hundred days, was in the arms of a rugged, hunky, blonde-haired man. Snow White’s jaws dropped. Aurora kissed the desirable man again and smirked at Snow White. As she was getting on the white horse, Aurora looked at Snow White and stuck out her tongue.

    “That childish and unbearable brat! Still the same Secondary One girl that was in my class!”
    Snow White hissed as she stomped her foot and stuck out her tongue in return.
    Aurora ignored her, tossed back her blonde ringlets and rode off with her Prince Charming happily ever after.

    Snow White grew depressed. Counsellors didn’t really exist at that time so, she grew even more depressed. She began to call herself Snow Gray. One day, she went with a gay-looking guy (but not gay yet) and had a daughter. The baby had lips as red as rose, skin as fair as snow. Snow Gray decided to name her Snow White, after her. After Snow White was born, the beautiful father of hers really turned gay and ran away with a young boy. Snow Gray and Snow White moved into a HDB flat.
    And then;

    Once upon a time, in a far, far away HDB flat…