Hunter and Hunted Prologue

• Artist: Doktor Shempo
• Description: This is only the start of a novel I'm writing. Steal it and I'll cut your heart out.
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags: hunting bear alaska freezing forest

A young man, about the age of twenty-three, is running for his life through the dark forest of Black Lake, Alaska early in the morning: Something massive is chasing him. His heart racing, he flees outward from the forest. He takes an intercom from his pocket cries into it, “Allen, Get the plane ready!” In an Eastern European accent.

“Alrighty, Thames. Is there anything wrong?” He asks in a heavy southern accent. “I’m being chased by a big a** damn bear you idiot!” Thames replies. Allen, an older man of thirty-five, who was fishing in a small hole in the ice, droped his reel and ran over to the plane. It was a small bush-plane sitting at the end of a runway on the side of the lake.

He feverishly puts the key in the ignition and starts. The whir of the engine roared out, as did the bear that was chasing Thames.

The plane was ready to take of when Thames burst through the bushes in front of the runway screaming, “Go, Allen, Go!” Allen sat in the cockpit. Hearing Thames, he begins to accelerate. The bear knocks over a small tree when it came forth; A large male Kodiak Grizzly standing twelve feet, six inches at the shoulder and weighing, one thousand six hundred pounds. It roared as it pursued Thames. He dashed toward the plane, and it at him. He leapt onto a pontoon and passed the bear with great speed.

It reached out a leg swiped at Thames. His arm was hit and it had broken instantly. He cried out in pain as he got into the rear of the plane. Allen hear him and looked back as they ascended. “You ok!?” Allen asked. “Yeah, I’m fine!” Thames replied. He took a large rifle from the very back of the plane and took aim that the bear with his good arm. They were about fifty feet above the ground and three hundred away from the bear. “Smile a*****e…” He said to himself, then pulled the trigger and the gun went off. The round pierced the bear’s snout and broke off the front-left K-9. They flew off toward the west, Thames shaking with fear. “Where are we heading?” He asked Allen. “The lodge. We need to get that arm fixed up.” He replied. "Good, it's freezing out here." Thames said, climbing into the passenger seat.

Comments

[kira nyuu]

surprised not my cup'of tea. so i dont know what to write here >.>

[selket16]

1. "an older man of 35" the wording implies that he is advanced in age, not that he is merely the older of the two. Perhaps "Allen, the older of the two at 35 years old..."
2. many bush planes have pontoons and wouldn't need the runway, just the lake
3. you have some tense slippage. "The plane WAS ready to take off when Thames BURST throught the bushes..." ..." Allen SAT..." ...as a matter of fact that whole paragraph has verb tense issues, as well as the next.

[The Electricity]

It's very... boring for a bear attack. There's big angry Winnie the Poo, there's running (a cliche way to begin any story, so many have started with running), there's escape, some wounds, and there's boom-boom gun. Maybe create suspense by starting with why a bear is chasing Thames?