• Hi, I’m Felix the Fox. I’m sure you know the story of the Gingerbread Man and you must feel really bad for him and hate me because I tricked him and then ate him. DON’T! That Gingerbread Man is nothing but trouble, stupid songs, and bad nicknames. He did some awful things while he was still running around. Most of those things were to me and that’s why I ate him.

    It was about 7 AM o’ clock and I was asleep near this old lady‘s house. I was woken up by something being thrown HARD and hitting me in the face. Someone had thrown a substantial amount of rocks at me. I heard some squeaky laughing, but I couldn’t see anything. I had been hunting all night for a opossum that turned out to be a muskrat. Then I saw some other shadow that looked like a beaver, but it was an extremely happy tortoise. He was so happy because he had just won a race against a hare. I was so tired from all that hunting, I didn’t care about the rocks, and I went back to sleep.

    Later, I heard news about the 92nd Brillville Annual Bake Festival happening at some lady’s house this year. She always made things that smelled like heaven, but animals never got to eat any. Any animal in her house, got crushed by whatever was in her hand. If she couldn‘t do it, her husband, Walter would. These three mice got killed by her broom for being in her house. I hear they kept bumping into things as if they were blind.

    I saw that she had an empty tray in her window. There was a very good smell to it that I‘d never smelled before, but no food on the tray. It made me hungry, so I went back to the place where I slept and looked for the rest of the muskrat from last night. It was gone! I was starving, and there was no dead muskrat to eat! I heard the squeaky laughing again, and I looked around, but didn’t see anything. I was getting really annoyed with this laughing guy. I had to catch him! Maybe… I could eat him too!

    I devised a plan. I’d lay down like I was asleep, and the squeaky guy would come, and I’d catch him! I lied down for about a half hour before I really got sleepy and started snoring. I was woken up again by the guy who had the high, squeaky laugh. This time, he had left a pile of mud on top of my head! HE HAD TO GO! I shook the mud off and yelled angrily, “Who did that?! Get out here so I can eat you!!” That was definitely a dumb thing to say. The laughing stopped and I saw the bushes rustle. I walked silently over to them and accidentally stepped in more mud the laugh guy must have put there. THAT WAS IT! I made a proclamation right then and there, to kill and eat the laughing one. I code named him, LOL (Loud One Laughing). I was seeking vengeance now. I don’t usually, but this guy was too much.

    I wasn’t worried about him now though, I needed to eat! I was so hungry, I could eat a cow! So that’s what I did. I walked across the barren grounds to the cow field and I didn’t see any at first, but then I saw a bull! I don’t really like bulls, but if I bit it hard enough… I thought about it more and decided that was a really stupid idea. The bull was three times as big as I was and he could kill me anytime! But then he started talking. “I‘m going to kill you! Get over here you crusty demon!” I hadn’t bathed in weeks plus, some of the mud had dried on my fur! I was filthy. “I‘m going to charge at you like a mad bull!” the bull yelled. His eyes stared glowing red and he started charging! I was sure I was going to die, but then, he jumped over me! I couldn’t believe what I saw next.

    A little gingerbread man was running away from the bull! He was FAST like Sonic the Hedgehog only he was a magical talking treat! I ran after them, but they were too fast. But I was too smart! I went through a shortcut, met up with the gingerbread, and started running with him. I could barely keep up but you should feel bad for the bull. He wasn‘t in the best shape of his life and was not doing well at catching the gingerbread man. I got to talk to him. “What did you do to that bull?” I asked the gingerbread man. The gingerbread man had a really high voice. “I called him a big fat sack of pie and it was funny! I don‘t know why he‘s so mad at me!” I looked at him. He had red gum drop buttons, red icing boots, and a red mouth. “It‘s because you‘re wearing so much red and bulls hate red and also you called him…” “I hate red too! It‘s NOT my color! I like blue, yellow, and green. NEVER red! But it‘s all that old hag, Fran had!” I thought for a second and sniffed the gingerbread man. I remembered the smell from the tray the old lady named Fran had in the window. This must have been her entry for the 92nd Brillville Annual Bake Festival Contest! But, how did it turn this mean, this fast, and this alive?

    Suddenly, the gingerbread man started to sing. “Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can‘t catch me, I‘m the gingerbread man! You‘re just a fat old bull, and your slower than Fran! You can‘t catch me! You can‘t count to three!” He started to laugh. I’d recognize that laugh anywhere! THE GINGERBREAD MAN HAD BEEN PLAYING PRANKS ON ME ALL MORNING!!! He threw rocks at me, took my muskrat, got me all muddy, and now he’s making me run! “YOU!!” “I?” he said. “What‘s wrong? Oh, this? I know these things here don‘t go at all with my red boots and buttons, but the Fran’s practically blind!” I wasn’t listening to him anymore. I was thinking of a way to kill him!

    I told him I’d talk to him later and ran in the bushes and into the woods. This part of the woods didn’t have many trees so it was navigable unlike the other part where you had to squeeze through trees for half an hour to walk two steps. Next, I left the woods, and went onto a hill. The bull and the gingerbread man were taking the dirt road. It swerved and curved which made it longer. I thought I would surprise the gingerbread man from behind a tree or something then eat him, but I saw these very smart looking squirrels playing croquet with strange round mechanisms as balls. The inquisitive squirrels were talking. I snuck up on them and waited for an opportunity to eat them. I knew I should be chasing the mean gingerbread man, but the fundamental thing now’s lunch so I can keep running like he was.

    “I do say Theodore, you cannot make that move! It is strictly prohibited!” one squirrel said. “But Thaddeus, I hit the ball at the precise and…” “No, no! You hit my ball! Oh Theodore, what shall I do with you?” “You told me to hit that one, Thaddeus! I am simply trying to learn, so…” “HUSH UP!” they coincided their words and started to fight. I was really hungry, so I got ready to eat them, when Thaddeus started to talk alone. “Is that… It can‘t be! The walking, talking, gingerbread man? Who ever eats it gets eternal wishes!” “I saw it first, Thaddeus!” Theodore ran after the gingerbread man. “No, I spotted it first! Cease! HALT!” The two squirrels ran after the gingerbread man. Thaddeus was really loud when he said what the gingerbread man could do if you ate him. A bird, a hare, and the happy tortoise came running down to the dirt road to chase him. This time the hare and everyone else was beating him badly and he got mad. The tortoise had only won the race because the hare was really stupid. He decided not to chase the gingerbread man.

    I was watching everybody else chase the gingerbread man from my hiding place when I was watching the squirrels. I couldn’t let them kill him, I had to. He had picked on me all day and I had to be the one to get him back. I ran over to the road and followed the gingerbread man again. I knew he knew that I knew that nobody was going to catch up with us anytime soon, so he started talking to me again. “Hey, fox! What were you doing when you left?” “I was just… looking for food!” I told him. “Did you find any?” he asked me. “We‘ll, I…” He interrupted me.

    “Hold that thought. It‘s time for their minutely teasing song!” I wish I could have covered my ears. “You guys can run, run, run as fast as you can! You can‘t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man! You can‘t catch me, you bird! You’re the most wretched bird I‘ve ever heard! You can‘t catch me you ugly hare! You can‘t even beat a turtle… are! You slow, slow bull, don‘t you see? You can catch anythieeng! I hate you twins, you‘re so smart! But you‘re so slow, it should be illegal… whatever! I can‘t rhyme!” “You sure can‘t.” I thought. “The important thing is that you get the message… YOU‘RE ALL SLOW!!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!” “I‘m sorry Felix, what was your news?” he said. “I didn‘t get any food. Can we slow down a little? My legs are SO tired!” “NO WAY! You don‘t want to be like them, do you Felix?”

    “No… But let me ask you this. Have you seen a dead half-eaten muskrat? It was gone when I woke up this morning. Also, have you seen the little runt who put mud on me while I was sleeping and threw rocks at me?” I asked looking at him. “Uh… I… Look! The river! I can‘t cross it and I have to get away from these slow jerks! Any hour, they‘d catch up if we stopped at the river! Can you swim me across?” he asked me with puppy dog eyes. Those never work on me. I said yes because I had a plan. “Sure, I will. Come on!”

    We ran to the river and I told him to climb up on my tail and hang on tight. “Wait!” he screamed in my ear. “Swim out about eight or so feet then stop.” I did what he said and a few second later when the crowd got here, he called them stupid nicknames. “You‘re such a wretched bird, Jenny Williams! You‘re new name is… Sobby! Or Cry Baby Williams!” Jenny Williams started to cry. “You two twins… I hate your technical logic! I’ve never seen you do it… but I hate geeks like you! You‘re now Geekio and Nerdian! Bull… Billy the Bull… You are the slowest bull I have ever seen. I‘m calling you… Slowbill! Last, and least, you hare. You can‘t beat a tortoise! What‘s the matter with you? I thought you were supposed to be fast like mwah! You‘re name will be… Little Bunny Slowpoke!” These were the dumbest names I had ever heard but I laughed along with his squeaky laugh. “All right. I‘m done, Felix! Swim me across!”

    There were rude remarks from everyone who just got a new nickname. After a few feet I asked him, “Can you climb on my head please? My tail needs to be in the water. It… helps us go faster!” He moved onto my head and I told him, “You know what? I know who did all these things to me today, YOU!!! You are a bad little gingerbread man and you will get what you deserve sometime! I should turn around and let the others eat you and let them all have their wishes granted!” “No! Please! I have three kids!” he pleaded. That was the dumbest excuse ever. “No you don‘t! And if you do, I don‘t care! Good bye gingerbread man! Any last words?” You must always ask this before you kill someone. “Yeah… Wait… No.” “Alrighty then.” I bumped him up high, opened my mouth, and ate him. He… tasted… TERRIBLE!!! Almost like drinking polluted lake water! I’m glad Fran didn’t enter this junk in the contest! The judges would have gotten sick for weeks! I spit him out and paddled back to the shore. Since I was the lucky one who had the wishes, I wished everyone who wasted their day chasing the gingerbread man to have wishes too. My second wish was to get the nasty gingerbread taste out of my mouth!

    See? That gingerbread man was BAD. But now he’s dead and everyone is happy, wasting their unlimited wishes. This is a new beginning for us animals. We now can do just about what ever we want with our wishes besides killing each other, enslaving anybody, or anything like that. Oh yeah, I also wished I had some new kind of meal to eat. Something came to me and said I’m having YOU! So beware of any foxes! I just hope you taste better than the gingerbread man… Then again, how can you not?