• tab The potion has worked a combined total of eight times.
    tab That's the six lab tests, mine, and Miranda's.
    tab And it only works on the day of death.
    tab The gel goes to the cerebellum. The disk is placed atop the heart. The balm goes over the eyes. The liquid is poured into the mouth. Wait ten seconds, then remove the disk and begin chest compressions on the exact spot.
    tab I'm trying not to look back at Blake, though I know he's holding his breath as he watches me. I know he wishes he were the one to do this. But in an overemotional state, it's too easy to do something just a little bit wrong, and then it won't work. I did it for mine, I did it for Miranda's, and I'm doing it for Blake's.
    tab Miranda stands aside, but I'm sure Jesse and Max are holding onto Blake's shoulders. They wouldn't want him bolting before it's finished. Not that he'd run away from this scene--we're afraid he'll run toward it. In this wasteland, this barren, blood-red battlefield of old, as the glow of twilight begins failing and the sky is dyed red, as the bone-chilling wind finds nothing to upset but our hair and the dust on the ground--in this forsaken realm, there is nowhere else to run.
    tab Put the disk back over the heart. Pour more of the potion into the mouth. Wait ten more seconds, remove the disk, and start chest compressions again.
    tab We're all pitiful, every last one of us. We've all lost someone we're not willing to let go. We all convince ourselves that we can bring that someone back--and that because we can, we should.
    tab When will we learn that ability does not equal right?
    tab When will humanity learn?
    tab We're a pitiful race. We claim faith in life after death, but when death strikes those around us, we plead with our maker to undo what is done.
    tab We all have to learn the hard way. I did. Miranda did. Soon, so will Blake.
    tab Now step back. If it's going to work, it's going to work without anything more from you.
    tab I finally allow myself to glance over to Blake. He's literally trembling. I won't call him weak for it. I trembled too. His eyes are glistening, he's still waiting and hoping. He's hoping she will return.
    tab Her eyes flutter open, a gasp echoes around. Jesse and Max have never seen it before either; they are awestruck, just as I was my first time. Only Miranda and I do not react. Only Miranda and I know what is surely coming.
    tab She lifts herself to her feet, despite the bloody, gaping wound in her stomach. She looks around at all of us--then fixes her gaze on Blake. Something is wrong. Her skin is tinted bluish even in the little remaining red light; the lantern in Jesse's hand flickers for a moment, then extinguishes. Her gait is ethereal; her hair flows in the wind that isn't there. Her wounds don't seem to affect her; neither does the cold.
    tab Her eyes stare straight at Blake; but where there used to be eyes of love, there are now eyes of hate.
    tab Finally a voice breaks the unbearable silence. "You," she says simply. Her very voice is unearthly, untainted by emotion of any kind; it sounds wraithlike and dead. "You left me behind." The way she speaks is so impassive, it sends shivers down my spine. I can see that Blake's recoiling form is shuddering even more than before. The lifelessness of his beloved's voice is unbearable. I understand. I thought that too.
    tab "Isabella!" he cries.
    tab But she does not hear him. "I am nothing to you, only a memory, only a bridge you must burn. I am only a regret, to you. And you are only a regret to me."
    tab He opens his mouth, but his words catch in his throat and refuse to loosen. He swallows hard, but still cannot squeak out a single syllable. She begins to approach him. He is both terrified and fascinated; I can see that while he wishes to run away, he also wishes to run toward her, and at the same time his legs will not move.
    tab What is a man? A simple formed mass of flesh, bone, and blood? A creature that functions, much like a machine? A creature that, when broken, can be fixed and made to run again?
    tab Is a man flesh and blood? Or is a man flesh and soul?
    tab This is the flaw of human science, the flaw of human thinking. Now, we can even reanimate the dead. But when we resurrect the body, where goes the soul? Is the terror we face when we defy death our just reward for our arrogance? Does our Maker keep the souls of the dead with Him, and only let us breathe life into a soulless frame to remind us not to play God?
    tab And is not this empty shell proof that there is life after death?
    tab The body of she who was once Isabella takes one slow step at a time toward Blake. Jesse and Max shrink back; Miranda is watching intently. She is watching for the glow. I know well what we call the glow; I was forced to see it in my beloved's eyes too, just as Miranda was forced to see it in her brother's.
    tab The glow comes. The eyes of Isabella's body emit a faint blue light that seems to both mesmerize Blake and horrify Jesse and Max; Miranda, ever quick-deciding and brutal, throws a grenade and knocks Blake to the ground behind a rock. In a split second, the body of the woman is completely obliterated, and the spell is broken.
    tab I close my eyes and breathe out. I must weather this storm. Blake's screaming is agonizing; it is horrifying; it is almost more than I can take. Nor does it quickly cease. But I cannot blame him. I screamed, too.
    tab For minutes he is incoherent, screaming at the scene, screaming at Miranda, screaming at himself. Then, slowly, he quiets. I open my eyes and see he has dropped to his knees. Jesse tries to comfort him, but he pulls away; he is walking away from the group, clutching his arms across his chest and rubbing them. I look over to Miranda and shake my head.
    tab "It was too abrupt, Miranda," I reproach her. "For weeks you hated me for doing as much for you."
    tab "It is the only way to kill the reanimated in time, Ridley," she argues.
    tab "He will believe you murdered his beloved."
    tab "His beloved was not there."
    tab I sigh. I know she is right; even Jesse and Max can tell. But it is different for Blake. He saw what I saw when it was my beloved, what Miranda saw when it was hers: he saw what he wanted to see.
    tab We're all pitiful. We have to learn the hard way. We all have to learn that just because we can doesn't mean we should. We all have to learn that there are some things that we were never meant to control. We all have to learn that life and death are each too sacred a thing for human hands to touch. And we all have to mess up at least once to learn it.
    tab What is a man?
    tab A man is a supernatural being, composed of both body and soul. They are bonded until the death of the body, when the immortal soul crosses over to the other side, from whence there is no return. The body was never meant to live without the soul. We can breathe life into the shell we too often think of as the person. But we are not gods; we cannot bring the soul back from the beyond. And the body without the soul is an atrocity.
    tab Perhaps God lets us create these atrocities to teach us that it is not our place to create life. Perhaps He lets us have this insufficient power to punish us for desiring it.
    tab Or perhaps God has nothing to do with it. Perhaps we are doing this to ourselves.
    tab The potion has worked a combined total of nine times.
    tab But it never really worked.