• Have you ever felt like you didn't matter? Like you could drop dead and no one would notice? Or care for that matter? Well that's how I felt constintly, every minute of everyday. Like nothing I did was ever good enough for my parents. My older brother and yonger sister could do no wrong, like they could yell at dear old mother and father, but God forbid if I tried to tell my side of things they wouldn't care what I said and they yell at me for my tone. What was I just a mistake? A punching bag? After getting beat up by my darling brother, Erik, and getting blamed for everything my precious little sister, Mersades, did I got fed up. And trust me that's not even the half of it. What pushed me over the top was getting yelled at by my dear old good for nothing mother and father, Ashley and Jacob, for something I didn't do. Plus getting called a "slut" and "whore" by your family doesn't help, and that's when their in a good mood. And that's what they call me, in public or when i'm at my house with or without my friends, and if you ask me my name is farly simple compared to Mersades, its Bella. At first when they called me a "slut" or a "whore" I wanted to yell "For Gods sake my name is Bella!!! You named me, YOU of all people should at least know my name!" then I got Erik, and Mersades calling me every name in the book and at first I said to mersades "Your the one named after a car not me." Or "Mersades, what kindof name is that at least i have a reasonable name." then she'd storm off calling "Mommy, Daddy Bella called me a bad name!!!" And for effect she would cry. My God then ofcourse I would get yelled at. Oh and my loving sister would stand behind them smirking at me. Yeah a lovely family I know.
    During this torture I was still trying to get approved by my parents. I was usually getting B's and C's and had an after school job. Then when I wanted them to be happy for me so I studied longer and worked harder and I maneged to get alot of overtime and i became a straight A student, they still couldn't careless. So after keeping this up for a year and a half I also maneged to lose all my friends that knew what I was going though, I gave up. I stopped careing about everything: my school, my job, and even what my parents thought of me. I didn't care what I was called, or what they did to me. But by now Erik was in college, Mersades was a major pain to everyone but Ashley and Jacob and ofcourse her teachers. Ashley and Jacob not doing so well they don't yell at each other oh no that would be to easy they take it out on me, and something amizing I can finally tune it out. Me well instead of looking perfect like Mersades and Ashley, or not doing enough things after school like playing sports, yada yada yada.
    Finally this morning I completely lost it, I don't know how I guess I couldn't take it any more. Ashley and Jacob kept going on and on about how they have two perfect children,hmmm lets guess shall we?, and asking me how I became a screwup. I was doing okay but I looked across the kitchen table so I could try to tune them out and I caught sight of Mersades face and I lost it I stood up and started yelling "If you want me to be like Mersades i'll be farther from perfect than I am now" Then Mersades acted hurt, Erik walked in, and Ashley's mouth dropped. And Jacob said "You better lose that tone or else." Or else? "Or Else!!!! Or else what!?!?! You can't do anything!!! And don't start saying I need to act more like Erik and Mersades, because they are worse than this to you and everyone else and you Let them! You would let them get away with murder!!" And I ran. Ran from everything and anything. I didn't look back. But I could Hear them yelling my name, my real name bella, for the fisrt time in years all of them, Ashley, Jacob, Erik, And Mersades. Then I Heard them yell my full name Isabella Marie Stevens. And I didn't care and I still don't and im pretty sure I won't. And if they want me back their going to have to try alot harder then actually calling me by name. Right now the police can't even make me go back to that hell hole. Im just going to run. Run from my problems, my family, the people I used to call friends, my home, and everything that was mine. And I know my stuff will end up in the trash. My so called friends won't notice me not being at school. My family can finally be the perfect family they always wanted to be. And no one will call the cops, not today, not tomorrow, or even the day after that. And everything will go on as its supposed to. I'll end up being like the taste you get after you have some medicine. I'll be forgotten just like the taste.
    As for me I know i'll end up in a better place because anything is better than what i've been though the past years. I might even forget about because this journal is the only thing stopping me from forgetting. But I have this feeling I don't want to forget, I don't want to be like the after taste of medicine. What should I do? Should I go Back? Or should I just forget and let my life happen as I want it to happen?