Before the Moment

• Artist: spirit tombs
• Description: its about a 15 year old girl that knew she waz gonna die on her 16th bday so she said that she wants 2 confess 2 her love before the moment. Plz tell me if the plot is good this just a sample so tell me if its good thetn ill make the real one
• Date: 11/19/2008
• Tags: before moment

Even though my time is almost up I still want 2 tell him that I have always loved him. Even if he rejects me I still want him 2 know my true feelings.
Hi my name is Hikari Im 15 yrs. old. My bday is next month. But one thing is that Im going to die on my 16th bday. crying This is my photo >>Im gonna confess to the one i luv before the moment
But im scared that he will reject me But i am determaned to tell him my feelings 3nodding *sigh* "what is wrong Hikari",asked Kaoru. "oh nothin Kaoru",said me.(Kaoru is the guy I like alot)"u sure hikari",asked Kaoru. "yea....",said me.

Comments

[Your Personal Stranger]

I dont even know where to begin.
1.) Its 'to' or 'too' depending on which you mean, come on, its not that hard.
2.) Use proper grammar, it is not 'said me' it is either 'said I' or 'I said.'
3.) Type out actions, dont use **
4.) Enter after each line of dialect when you are doing more than one in a row.
5.) Emotes and pictures don't belong in your story. You can URL them, but really having one in the middle is just absurd.
Thats a BRIEF review of what you need to fix, there is alot mo

[Le Shadow Fawkes]

Wow...So many errors.
How hard is it to write 'to' instead of '2'.
That alone is ridiculous.

Also, it's 'I said' or atleast 'said I' if you want to be different.

One last thing, Emotes DO NOT belong in your story.
rolleyes

[C h i k a r i B e a n]

Not bad biggrin

[oOHeartsOo]

wow this is good!

[spirit tombs]

me suk alot

[spirit tombs]

i freaky suk