Starter

• Artist: SideshowLoki
• Description: Do NOT steal this!! Anyone caught trying to plagiarize my work, I will report you. This was written in about 15 minutes or less. It was done on the premise I could write a better vampire book than the author of Twilight. I think I did a fairly decent job. I will only post the first paragraph of the book so no one can plagiarize it. Enjoy it. If you want more of the story, send me a PM (my profile is private)
• Date: 11/26/2008
• Tags: twilight story beginning

Waking up in sunlight is like waking up in the middle of a fireball, the pain arching over your body like live wire only to settle itself inside you and feeling it burn. Sadly, I woke up in this position. Stumbling myself awake, I crawled away from the window I fell asleep at, whimpering in pain. I looked at the rafters of the abandoned factory I was in, where I was left to wait for Vincent to return. Looking around, I could see that he still had yet to come back, which didn't surprise me in the least because Vampricia was at least a four day flight from here to there. Not to mention rest stops and stops to grab a bite. Haha, very funny, I made a joke. I can't remember the last time I made a joke. It's been that long. I wasn't always a vampire, you know. I was human once. Then I had met Vincent. Then my life changed. I don't know if it changed for better or worse but things just haven't been the same...Here's my story.

Comments

[oldbluejeans1]

WOW, you have talent! i like this one a lot.
it would mean a lot to me if you could read mine and give me advice, I need it! lol
anyway, rated 5 stars!

[marshall11]

awsome 100,000,000,/5

[Really Rad]

5/5

[Really Rad]

xD Contact Stephenie Meyer (Twilight author)
She might need your help.
Keep writing!

[SideshowLoki]

Thanks for the criticism star_kat ^-^ I appreciate it. However, it's a work in progress. It's part of an intro and I realize I shoulda added more to it. But as I'm sure you can understand, I'm very possessive of my work; I'm scared to death of plagiarism because it HAS happened to me before. (and also when I meant a better vampire book, I was referring to a more politically correct vampire rather than a sparkling Sugar Plum Fairy)

[star_kat]

It could possibly turn into something better but it ends rather abruptly. Perhaps try smoother transition to the rest of the story.
(As far as it being on the level of Stephenie Meyer, I totally disagree. While she's not the best out there, her stories are totally relatable to the reader and this paragraph does not pull me so that I relate to the character. It's a lot to read into for just one paragraph but thats my opinion.)
All in all, not bad. Not great, but not bad. Whew! comment done <3