Ok, here is a short oneshot that I made…as you can tell, I was really bored when I made this so it might not be that good. Who cares? Not really me, so I guess you can read it if you want to…I’m just a bit depressed.
Ok, you know when you have to leave somewhere and then you leave up your house to someone else to care for it? Well, I left my house to the one and only Naruto Uzimaki and Sasuke Uchiha. I always figured that if I left my house to Naruto, then I would probably have to throw Sasuke in there with him too. They hang around so much you’d think their ******** gay or something. But, when they say two wrongs don’t make a right they damn straight mean it…no seriously they did they seriously stupidest thing that ever happened since stupid came to STUPID TOWN. And just to inform you, that’s pretty damn stupid.
Ok, so I was almost down packing my bags when I realized that I didn’t even remember to get someone to make sure my house didn’t burn down or something shitty like that happen to it. So I grabbed the rest of my stuff and pushed it down into the suitcase making it fit as best I just could, although the zipper was threatening to burst at an unexpected time and expose my…um…ahem…stuff. Anyways, with only less than 30 minutes to get to a 35 minute away airport, wait a sec who in their RIGHT MIND WOULD MAKE AN AIRPORT SO DAMNED FAR AWAY?! I mean, how stupid can you possibly GET?! Never mind, but I knew that I had some limited choices. I can’t get Tenten…or Sakura after that drinking accident. Not my brothers…they would have a panty raid and eat my tampons. Maybe I should get…YES! I am such a big smarty kins!
I pulled out my cell phone and called the two people I knew that I would only trust to care for my house. ‘Jesus…help me’, I thought to myself as I dialed Naruto and Sasuke’s number’s on three-way.
“Hello?” , A slightly groggy voice said as he answered the phone. I already knew it was Naruto.
“Uchiha Residence…this is Sasuke Uchiha.”, Sasuke said as he answered the phone with a slight tone of boredness in his voice.
“Sasuke and Naruto…I need you to watch over my house.”, I said in a demanding voice.
“Who is this?!”, Naruto yelled into the phone as I heard yells and a thump noise indicating the phone and him had both fallen onto the floor. “I knew they’d come for me! I told you I never, I mean never raped or had hardcore sex with Sakura!”
Some ninja Naruto was…that just proved a lot.
“No Naruto, Its m”, I tried to say but was swiftly cut off by Sasuke’s smooth and sexy voice. I loved his voice it made me melt. Anyways…
“Oh…hey Temari…” Sasuke said smoothly ignoring Naruto’s screams and rants “…What do you need?”
The awkwardness of this certain situation…which is having a screaming idiot on one line, who just won’t shut the ******** up, and on the other line a sexy emo kid who actually just might know how to control the idiot on the other line.
“Oh, it’s Temari, hey what do ya need?”, Naruto asked as he probably and obviously gained sanity as he decided to listen to Sasuke for once.
“I need you guys to watch over my house while I go to a convention in Land of the Mist”, I said.
“Today?”, Naruto asked stupidly.
“No, Naruto tomorrow…of course it today!”, Sasuke said in an annoyed tone of voice. “But…anyways I can’t do it today.”
“I can!”, Naruto yelled excitedly.
“Thanks, Naruto…” I said as I directed my attention to Sasuke “…Sasuke. You’re the only one I trust to keep Naruto in shape…”
“Sorry…I can’t do it today…”, Sasuke said stopping his sentence quick and getting ready to say something else, “Unless, you say my name…get it?”
‘I hate my life…so ******** much….so mother ******** much…’, I thought to myself as I got ready for this torture.
“What do you mean?”, I asked hoping he would drop the thought quickly.
“You know what I mean…”, He said with a slight tone of amusement in his voice.
“What? What? What does the teme mean Temari?”, Naruto asked sounding very confused and adorable at the same time.
“Oh…”, I said falsely realizing what he what talking about “Now I know what your rambling on about…no.”
“I guess then you should get ready for your house to be burned straight to the ground…”, Sasuke said evilly.
“Damn…I guess I have no choice.”, I said breathing in stiffly and bracing myself for this embarrassing moment.
“Oh…Sasuke-kun, will you please…pretty please help Naruto take care of my house?”, I said in a sexy tone of voice that made most guys get a boner. I never used it anymore because…well yeah…didn’t really need it anymore.
“Oh…god…” Naruto gasped.
“What?”, Sasuke asked exhaling.
“I think I just got a…boner, and it was to something other than porn.”, He said as he breathed through limited breaths.” Hey, Temari?”
“What?”, I said in a very annoyed tone of voice.
“Can you say my name in that voice…I don’t want the teme getting all the special treatment!”, Naruto asked in his usual ‘believe it’ voice.
I shut my phone and checked my watch to see that the time was only 7:40 and it had only been three minutes since I started talking on the phone to those two dobes. I don’t whether or not I made the right descion or not…but all I know right now is that I should be getting to the front gate on time or else they’ll leave me.
I hear a knock on the door and know that’s them…I never knew that if you gave a guy a boner that they would come running towards you faster when you need them. Oh, hell who wouldn’t know that? That’s just like a common fact of women society…duh.
“Hey, Temari!”, Both of them said in unison as I let them in, with a doubt in my head about my descion.
“Ok, here are the rules…” I started as I adjusted my fan on my back “No throwing parties, no letting your bodily wastes go anywhere else except the toilet, no prank calling, and absoultly no destroying stuff.”
Idiots. Pure Idiots…ah.
“Ok, so I’m going to be gone for about 1 whole day…” I said looking at both of them with a distant look “…my bedroom door is open…see if you can contain yourself…”
“I’m coughing with excitement…” Sasuke said as he leaned into my ear “…and besides I’ve already the inside of your room…”
I shuddered at what he said and just quickly brushed it off, for the fact of the matter was that…what he just said…was true.
“Ok…Temari!”, Naruto said giving me the good guy pose “We’ll keep your house in good shape!”
“Good to know that you can make good promises…” I said smiling at him and walking out the door ‘I just hope he can keep it…’
Inside the House
“Hey, teme!”, Naruto yelled at Sasuke although he was right next to him “….wanna go raid Temari-chan’s stuff?”
Sasuke lifted his head from looking from the floor to looking to Naruto and responded with a nod.
----30 mins later----
“HEY LOOK SASUKE!”, Naruto yelled at Sasuke holding up a pair of blue skimpy underwear “LOOK LIKES TEMARI LIKES PLAYING DIRTY!”
Sasuke chuckled at Naruto’s curiuosity and held up an accomplishment of his own…a pair of black underwear that said ‘Kiss me’ and a black bra that matched it.
See, Temari didn’t know that Naruto and Sasuke had raided her underwear, eaten all of her ramen, accidently clogged her toilet, messed up her living room, and also had run up the power bill so badly that the electricity company had to shut off the lights, but they didn’t know about the electricity one…oh, well first times are always a joyful delight to the unworthy.
Just then the lights shut off in such a fast fashion that not even Sasuke’s sharigan knew it was coming.
“OH GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED!”, Naruto screamed as he fell to the floor in the pitch black darkness.
“The lights are off…” Sasuke started as he groped the darkness “ I’ll go find a candle and a lighter…”
“Hey teme…” Naruto whispered.
“What?”, Sasuke said as he moved closer to Naruto.
“There’s a candle and lighter in her room, I have it right now…”, Naruto said as he smirked in the darkness.
“Then, light it…dobe.”, Sasuke said annoyed.
Naruto held the candle up to the lighter and tried to light it…but apperantly the lighter didn’t really want to work. Maybe because it was broken, or maybe it just hated Naruto…We’ll never know.
“It’s…not…LIGHTING!”, Naruto said with a slightly frustrated look on his face and the violent noise of a bang of a broken lighter against a wall.
“Well, then throw it somewhere else…we’ll find another one.”, Sasuke said as he walked around the room pacing.
Naruto reluctantly threw it on the bed, not knowing that it had just made a tiny spark indicating that it had lit.
An eruption of flames came from the bed as Naruto screamed a sound shattering scream that could have been heard anywhere. Sasukes eyes widened as he saw the flames get bigger with the oxygen that was in it.
“AAAAAHHHHH! WHAT DO WE DO?!”, Naruto screamed as he ran around getting away from the flames.
“I DON’T KNOW! GET SOMETHING TO PUT THE FLAMES OUT!”, SASUKE YELLED.
“SASUKE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND THINGS TO PUT THE FIRE OUT…IF IT’S REALLY DARK!”, Naruto screamed as he shook Sasuke violently.
“SEE IF YOU CAN FIND STUFF IN HER ROOM!”, Sasuke yelled grabbing Naruto by the shoulders.
-10 hrs later-
Sasuke and Naruto heard the click of a lock and ran to the door to greet Temari with as much fakeness that two ninja could muster.
“Hey…Temari.”, Sasuke and Naruto both said in unison.
I looked around and saw that my house was pretty clean, for a two guys that couldn’t even get a pickle jar open.
“I’m going to go see what damage you might have done to my room…”, I said with a small smirk on my face “I have a feeling that it might be destroyed…”
As I was about to go upstairs I felt my arm being jerked back.
“Why are you grabbing me, Sasuke?” I asked.
“You…um…can’t go upstairs.”, He said with an emotionless face.
“And why not? Its my house and I think I deserve to go to my room…”, I said while tugging a bit on my arm.
“…You just can’t”, Sasuke said holding on tighter to my arm.
“I’m going up”, I was cut off by Sasuke kissing me.
It was one of those ‘shut up and kiss me’ kisses…I loved those kind of kisses that reminded me of him when we used to be dating. He bit my bottom lip begging for entrance but I didn’t let him in, instead I pulled away from him.
“…Yeah, that’s it…I’m going upstairs”, I said as I walked up the stairs and headed towards my room.
‘Almost…to…my door’, I thought to myself as I opened my door.
“NOOOO!”, Naruto screamed as I saw what happened inside my room.
My bed was burned to the ground and yet everything else had managed to stay intact outside of that area.
“What….HAPPENED?!”, I screamed.
“Well, you see Sasuke and I had run up your power bill so badly that they shut off the lights sooo, we had to get some candles…”, Naruto started as he backed away from me.
“…and Sasuke told me to get a candle and so I did and I found a lighter….but it didn’t work, so I threw it on the bed. But then out of nowhere the bed caught on fire and me and Sasuke got really scared and so we tried to put it out with….well…”
“…with well…oxygen…but then that didn’t work…so Sasuke got your Glade scented spray thingy and threw it in there…but then it made the fire blue…”
“Wait a sec…did you say that you threw oxygen in?”
“Don’t you know that oxygen…MAKES A FIRE BIGGER?!”
“…and then you said you threw my Glade in there?”
“…that was just plain stupid because oh lemme see…because it says it ******** FLAMMABLE ON THE BACK!”
“Ok…then we threw in your blue Nintendo ds…because it was blue. We then threw…um…all your tampons in there, because we thought that it would put out the fire with its absorbancy.”
“…”, I just looked at him with so much hatred that it wasn’t even normal for one person to have so much hatred in their body.
“Ok…so then we threw your tv in the fire, because we thought that it…well we just wanted to see what would happen. We got really scared when the fire got bigger and went all the way to the ceiling so we threw your”
“Ok, lemme get this straight you threw my tampons in there…because you thought the FLAMMABLE TISSUE ABSORBANCY WOULD STOP THE FIRE?!”
“Then you threw my tv in there…to see what would happen?!”
“…we then threw your cat in the fire, because we thought that he would pee it out. So when he didn’t we used your giant fan to put it out…so we threw it in there, since we found out oxygen didn’t work.”
“Jesus! Is the cat okay? And my fan…”
“Oh, they both are okay…didn’t know that your fan was non-flammable and indestrutable.”
“Ok…so we found out that if you leave a fire alone then it actually goes down…but we didn’t realize that until we threw one of your purses in it.
“…which one was it?”
“The black one…”
“So then we threw your…um…how can I put this?”
“WHAT DID YOU THROW?!”
“Your um…pair of black boots that I gave you for your birthday…”
“But…I bought you two pa”
And that’s why I don’t trust those two anymore…so to make all ends straight and what not…I just don’t go anywhere anymore. Never trust people that you have a doubt about.
Ok, so that’s the end of my story…kind of hope you liked it…then again I don’t really care…y’know? OH WEEEELLLLLL Poor Temari! (I just had a happy boost)
- Title: Get...Out!
- Artist: I i L i s s a I
- Description: How many times? I will never trust you with my house again. M RATED. naruto fiction.
- Date: 01/25/2009
- Tags: getout
- Reference Image:
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