Crimson

• Artist: Nick1206
• Description: If i should try to make a real book out of this please tell me!
• Date: 02/20/2009
• Tags: crimson

Im running through the forest trying to get away. Someone or something is following and I dont want to find out. It felt like my heart was going to explode right through my chest. If only I didnt go for a walk I could be inside shelter but I had to go outside. I swear I could hear a snapping noise but when I look behind me I cant see anything. I stopped catching my breath because i didnt see or hear anything..... When I looked up I saw a women taht looked like a goddess perfect and flawless in every way. I rubbed my eyes not believing what im seeing. When i ask her "What could a beautiful lady like you be doing out on a night like this." She just smiles stepping closer to me and revealing fangs. I try to run away but as soon as I turn around shes right there in front of me. She sprang at my neck and cut into my skin. I could feel all my warmth passing away from my body. When she was finished feeding she left me to die slowly. As I saw her walk away I felt a pain unlike anything Ive ever experienced before and what seemed like hours I passed out and saw complete darkness.

Comments

[cuvier]

I don't think you should try and publish this just yet. Some of your grammar is off, and you are missing multiple apostrophes and commas. There are also a few spelling errors. This is also just a short story. There's no background, and just one event. You should try and elaborate more.

[the BEE minuet]

you DO need to make a book out of this!!! This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[-Deathly Destruction-]

You also need to look at other stories & see how to format so you don't just have a block of text. Me, I've submitted one story so far & I'd say it's a good example of ideal story format you could look at. But, polish it up! You could have a good idea, but you have to know where you're going with it. Good luck! smile

[-Deathly Destruction-]

I don't think you should try & work up the publishing deal just yet. Your sentences are choppy & your ideas cluttered. Things happen too suddenly w/o explaining how you got to a certain point to begin with- getting to the goal is the meat of a book or short story; it's where all the action happens.