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Chapter 1
A bleary eyed, hollow Sun rises reluctantly, kicking off the clichéd duvets of cloud. Dusty sunbeams soar across a murky grey sky. Struggling to shine, they fade away with hopelessness. All the creatures below shiver sporadically in unison as the grass gasps for warmth under waves of snow. Someone slips on icy concrete. A child concentrates furiously on making the perfect snowman. Trucks grumble along, spewing grit upon the thawing roads.
A single snowflake lingers on the tip of her eyelash.
She looks politely impressed and amused at my reverie, but I can tell that her mind is elsewhere. Besides, I know too well that she could quite easily just have a quick glance outside, improve upon my observations and, in a second or two, say something so captivating
that it would put every single musing of my irrationally long existence to shame.
That’s another thing I liked about Variel Phoenix; she didn’t just gaze wide-eyed at the world outside her window.
She inhaled its poetry.
- by Panic Pirate |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 04/13/2009 |
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- Title: It Is Written
- Artist: Panic Pirate
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Description:
This is the first chapter of a little [untitled] something I'm working on- don't worry if you don't get it, it's meant to be like that!
Feel free to criticise to the max!!
- Date: 04/13/2009
- Tags: fate superhuman novel
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Princess of Darkness 365 - 08/21/2009
- I really like it, it has a lot of details in it, and I agree with Sunafire, its confusing, but in a good way. But it's a little short. Still, its amazing. Much better than my stories. biggrin
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- Panic Pirate - 04/14/2009
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I want to capture single moments, make things stand out- resonate, even. I'm trying to do it in a way that it fits, but I'm struggling with it :/
The Chapter after this is completely different, narrated by someone else entirely. These little italicised 'chapters' are significant, but you don't understand who it us until much further. - Report As Spam
- Sunafire - 04/14/2009
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It is confusing yeah, but in a good way that makes you wanna read more, just to figure it all out.
I'm trying to understand why you put a few sentences separately when they could be added to the previous. - Report As Spam
- erin says rawr - 04/13/2009
- Wow, this is really good. I love the language, and I can't wait to read more!!
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- Panic Pirate - 04/13/2009
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Please comment people!
Much appreciated!
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