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As I run through the dark, misty forest, my cold heart is thumping against my chest. I can feel the cold wind whip at my face, and I hear the throatly, and sadistic growls from behind me. As I run i am sweating, and crying at the same time. Hand-like branches snap beneath my moving feet. The cackles and growls are gradually growing louder from around me, and the thick, black mist is clogging the air in front of me. I can no longer see where i am was going, nor' do I care... as in my mind, I can only make enough room for 2 thoughts, Fear... and Run! The full moon is staring down at me, as if waiting for something. Now through the mist I begin to see a light, and the silouhettes of trees, and a spark of hope sets alight iside me, and im thinking i can make it.
But suddenly a branch has gotten caught on my dirty jeans, and it will not let go... no matter how much im pulling on it. As the mist is re-thinkening and the demonic growls are getting louder, I look up at the moon, for the last time. One last warm tear rolls down my cheek, and I take a deep, mournful sigh, accepting my fate. Then I feel something vast, hit me. And my world goes black....
- by Vampire-Demon Blood |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 04/15/2009 |
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Comments (1 Comments)
- Len Gray - 12/07/2009
- I think you have the right idea, but some of the imagery in places is a bit skewed. You don't have to spell everything out for the reader, especially in a story like this. You don't need to say in the beginning that it's foggy, if you describe it later. And also, most branches on the ground are seen simply as obstacles, something that someone running for their lives doesn't notice, but the branches on the trees are above him and it would be easy to think of them like that.
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