The legend of Dark-X preface

• Artist: passanexkeymon14
• Description: Alex Calo is Dark-X. After a horrible accident in his parents lab his dna was combinded with his clone from the dark matter universe. His father was then sucked into the vortex. Alex Calo must find his father. Whatever it takes.
• Date: 05/24/2009
• Tags: legend darkx alexcalo calo alex

late one night i awoke to a loud thundourus crash it was coming from the basement. i went down stairs to find my father standing in front of a swirling blue vortex. he turned around and then i saw it. hey im alex calo aka dark-x.yeah about before.......sorry i got a little a head of myself.my parents own calo corps the leading industry in science and medicine.me, my dad and sean (my little brother) have lived alone for 6 years since my mother died of cancer.(which we hope to find a cure for)and ever since she passed my dad spent hours upon hours in the basement building somthing.and then that night i found out what.he turned around and i saw it. something came from the vortex and grabed him it was ...............me.i ran after him and as i entered the vortex it exploded.i was sent into a never ending cycle and in that vortex my dna was cominded with my dark matter clone. that was when i was twelve.now im 21 and in control of calo corps in the year 2025.this is a different world. now crime controls the strreets and the police act on a pre paid card. in a world with no law no rules and no justice a savior is needed.
Dark-X.

Comments

[AmpuTea]

- Commas are useful things to use, they give you a short pause rather than a stop or a long pause.
- An elipsis (three dots... ) is the grammatically correct way to use dots for a long pause, any full stops after this are redundant and do not need to be used. Spaces after full stops and ellipsis are also a good thing to use.

[AmpuTea]

- It sounds more like a basic plot than a story, try fleshing it out more so that it sounds more like a short story rather than just the plot of one.
- I believe people were told to check grammar and spelling before submitting a story, and neither of them are overly great. Capitalization is also a good thing
- Going onto a new line every once in a while is a good idea, it makes the story look longer and also can keep it from simply looking like a wall of text. Text walls are not fun to read.

[vgamer164]

It's a good start... But really, it needs more.

[FunkieSpunke]

I don't really see the plot of this story.