• In my short sixteen years on this earth I have lost so many. My heart hurts, the pain is real. I thought that it had been an illusion for the longest time but now I realize that those times with my lost loved ones are gone. The tears I shead are touched by no one but my self. My mother sees my pain but ignores it and I realize that when she does it hurts even more. I feel like the friends who I have lost will never return to the safe haven we all grew up in. My pain is hidden amongst others but inside there are days when it is volcanic. The pieces of my heart are the three friends I have lost, some bigger than the others. I miss them so much, that I have no words to express my internal battle to have them back in my life and I in theirs. The others I have lost are the angels on my shoulders and the man who introduced me to cigars and shot glasses. That man who called me a strong little sucker and made me laugh uncontrolably, with his rough voice and hands he helped me grow up. The angel on my left shoulder is the man who taught me how to ride a bike, play poker, and let me place animal stickers on his poker set when I was young. Everytime I smell a pipe or a cigar I remember this man with the fondness of a thousand angels. He snuck me candy when my mother said no and told me that rules are ment to be broken. He taught me the tricks of life are the ones that you can learn in poker as well. My favorite saying is that of my grandfather and that is... ~A dinner without wine is like a day without sunshine~ The angel on my right shoulder is th woman who taught me that marmalade should be a food group, that gave me love like no other, and who taught me that friends mean every thing. I recall her soft but wrinkling skin as she held me when I was young or when she had me help her bake something in her kitchen. Her love was never failing and her love of learning will never leave me. I miss them the most because they are truly gond from this world and are watching over me as I live my life. I just wish that I could have spent more time with them and be able to ask them more questions. I love my lost forever and I will always remember so never forget.
    Love,
    Carly