• 1.


    Something is churning, swirling beneath my feet, I look but nothing is there, nothing will ever be there. Is it just my imagination or am I remembering something from so long ago...

    But how can it be that I can't remember this feeling, it feels like I am about to fall through this life to somewhere where everyone wants to go a place so pleasant it hurts to think about it...

    It feels so... indescribable I would do anything to get to this place, but where exactly am I now? I look around to get a better view but there is nothing to see. It's dark, and I can sense nothing-ness but it looks like just an empty space... It makes me wonder what is hiding beneath this veil?

    Am I dreaming or is this real? I blink a few times. My eyes are not lying but they are heavy with sleep. But am I tired or... does something want me to be tired. I reach my hand out to find cloth touching my hand. Oh... It is so warm...

    I grab it, it gives. It laces in between my fingers it's dark cotton like feel is comforting, so I pull it more towards my chest. It warms my body and it consumes me, and I slowly close my eyes, and cascade into its depths. Finally sleep comes from a new place.

    I awake from a deep slumber. I notice my velvet sheets wrapping me like a stuffed burrito. I roll off my bed onto the cold wood floor beneath me. The pain on my side lurches through my spine. Sleep has dulled my senses but it still hurt. I gasped a soft "ow" but it was so silent I could barely hear it myself. I lifted my head and groaned at what my clock had in store for me... 2:15 a.m. It blinked its weary eyes at me, I could here my mom now, "Nesa why do you look that way.... Are you on drugs." Of course mother, I mean weren't you the one who sent me to the shrink? "I think she's having trouble coping with the D-I-V-O-R-S-E," that's what she told him. Seriously I'm 16 I know how to spell, mom, unfortunately for her she didn't spell it right. One for the blondes. Technically she's not even my mom. But the board of trustees thought she would be a better suite for a parent, too bad for them they were wrong.

    I would prefer my father, he understood my dreams, he wished he hadn't married that she-devil. They had been together for 5 years after my mom died. I was 7 when they got married, they thought since I was young enough I would look up to her for a mother, but my dad knew better my mom calls to me every night. In my dream, my thoughts, even in the darkest corner of the room you can hear her sweet whispers, her breath on the back of your neck beckoning for you to follow her.

    I had told my father this. I remember the look on his face. The smiles in his eyes disappeared slowly. I saw his face grow older before my eyes. He mumbled words, but I didn't understand French...at the time... but by the time I did learn the language I had already forgot the words.

    Enough about the past. Those times are over. Me and Charlotte (a.k.a. mommy dearest) moved to a remote town in Oregon. I don't even remember the name. Charlotte had decided to move somewhere new (translation get away from anyone who knew her or dad). We moved into a three story house my room is on the third as far from hers that I could get. So thankfully she didn't hear my fall... well, hopefully... I got up slowly, I only had and hour of sleep, hey that’s a record usually I get about ten minutes or so before my dreams wake me up in a sweat. I walked to my closet and picked out my outfit so I could leave as soon as possible, maybe I'll get to school when people are actually there...

    Like I said we had just moved here but, I had to register myself, but every time I went nobody had time to see me for orientation. They wanted to have time to show me around before I had to go to classes. Tomorrow... well today... they finally squeezed me in. I have to be there at 6:30. They said someone will be there to show me the ropes. Until then I could hide away in the library. Yay, go books! I unfolded my trusty jeans, holes covered them from waist to foot, but nothing too revealing. I looked through my shirts all colors of the rainbow arranged from light to dark, it goes sort of like this: white, gray, red, purple, black. Those are the only colors in MY rainbow... I chose a long-sleeved black shirt with a purple tank top with skulls running down the side. My black and white belt hung next to it in it's brilliant greatness glisting with silver cupcakes embedded into the leather. My lucky Vans and toe socks to match. By the time I finished that, and straightened my hair it was 4:15, not bad in two hours I would leave my house and be reading dingy books in a unoccupied library. But I couldn't wait to be among the unwanted little tikes.

    I packed up my messenger bag with a brand new sketch pad, some paper and pencils, and of course my mp3. Then went down stairs to make breakfast. The kitchen ended up smelling of pancakes and sausage and the acidic smell of orange juice. I ate as I went and by the time Charlotte came down I was going out the door to my shiny black Viper.

    I got there at exactly 6 in the morning. Then took 5 min. informing the janitors why I was there so early and why I had to get into the library. But luckily they had been informed. I went to the back of the library and pulled out my sketch pad, I doodled until I felt a blank stare peering at me from across the room. I looked up to see a guy lounging in the chair across from me in a school letterman jacket and flared from head to toe in American Eagle's best.

    I closed my drawing pad "So are you going to talk or just sit there and stare?" He gave me a large goofy smile and winked, "Only if you want me to babe." I rolled my eyes and moved closer to him, "Well, BABE, I don't appreciate. So you either wipe that look off you face and get a move on or you won't have a smile to please all the pretty young ladies I'm sure fall for you on the daily basis. Besides I'm waiting for some one." His smile disappeared and his eyes began to sparkle, "I see, your playing hard to get, but if I'm right your waiting for me. Your Vanessa Tymn, am I right?" I sat back in my chair and shook my head, "Nope that's not my name..." He looked confused then pulled a note out of his pocket then stared at it for way too long. So finally I gave in, "I don't go by Vanessa, my name is Nesa." I stood up and started on my way to the door. He raced over to me, "Wait, Nesa. Sorry but it said Vanessa on the note." He grabbed my bag off my shoulder. I glared at him but he was looking forward walking aimlessly through the halls "Well I see the school has to be persistent when it comes to birth names, just like every other private school..."