• Plip plip plip plip

    It hurts a lot.


    It hurts right here in my chest. It feels like...a vortex that sucks in my lungs so they're too tight to use for breathing. I said such horrible things to her. I told her "I wish you weren't my sister" and "I'll hate you on your deathbed" along with much more crueler things. She was in pain. I didn't help her. I thought I did but I didn't.


    When mom and dad yelled at her, She said she could forgive them over and over. I told her I wouldn't forgive them FOR her.
    The Older kids would laugh and point at her every day of her life, but she said When she was older, they could be friends. I told her I would sabotage them FOR her.
    When other kids would push her to the ground, she told me she would always get up. I told her I would loosen their bungee ropes and let them fall FOR her.


    but...


    When I told her she couldn't like my crush as she did, she said She would love more they who are most valuable to her. I told her I would make her say sorry on one knee BEFORE me.
    When I said my friends were ones I worked too hard to gain to lose to her, She said she would brush away some and take others for her life. I told her I would hide them and keep them for myself BEFORE she ever could.
    When I told her I hated her presence as It would not do things I told it to as before, She said she would be independent to the shackles that chained her in the next rain. I told her she may rot to those chains she commanded for herself BEFORE me, laughing to her with no pity.

    And then she left. She left when it rained. She left on the day of the rain that I said I would watch her dissolve into nothingness to. I stood outside in the street waiting for her to come back, whining and crying.

    But she didn't

    She never did.

    I stood in the rain, drenching from the rain that would never have an end to its speed, its stamina and its might. I stared but could see nothing but the white color the rain created, to where i could not even see my finger touch my forehead

    I stood thinking of what she said. In our childhood, We treasured each other more than life, death, lives of others and deaths of others. To her, I was most valuable. While our other friends would grow old and die, I was the one with the immortality as she who would keep each other close for life. Her being independent was that she would walk on her own up the street and then stop and then wait for me to catch up as I would for her. For to each other, We were shackles that slowed the other down but we gladly boasted it as the independence in the dependent nature we carried.

    I stood there still knowing I was the one to kill her immortality. Knowing I was the one to let her go to a cemetery awaiting her end which now was shortened to that of most. And there was no cure...nothing I could do to get it back to her and get her back to me.

    I will wait forever. For her, however, she only has decades to wait for me to come after her and follow her as a mortal.

    We each waited for 7 decades until this pain in my chest hurt too much to breathe anymore. My skin turned hardened and glossy and Grey. I am still wet with every rain that happens everyday since then. But some of the rain that comes from my eyes is not tasteless at all. Its salty, and bitter. Just like when I turned to stone on the day my sister had finally grown too old to wait for me anymore. The final day where she could only say what she wanted me to hear as she was left alone.

    "I will forgive she who is most valuable, most forever, most demanding as a child and she she who is the one with my blood in her veins and hers in mine. "

    These bitter raindrops to fall from my eyes will never stop. Its a show of my guilt. Its a show of my love. Its a show of my repent.

    And the haze that blinds my unmoving eyes...the force white from the obliterating rain...has no longer the light I wanted to reach for. Its black rain. Its the darkness that swallows me whole, leaving my tears as the only twinkle that I can only pray for my sister to reach.