• Dear Reader,

    Twenty years and a life later, I still want to kill him. Twenty years and a life ago, when my name was Sharlot Bovar, was when I was murdered. One day before that was when it began..

    _________

    August 12, 2009

    Dear Diary,

    I had a bad dream last night, and it left me with a horrible feeling in my heart. Fear? Dread? Guilt? Regret? A little of all of them, but most of all, heartbreak… I woke up in tears. My dream was of betrayal. As I write, I’m forgetting more of the dream, but I remember most of it, and I can only hope that it’s nothing more than just a dream, and not a premonition of any sort.
    I am fearful that if I were to write the exact details of what happened in my dream, I would jinx myself and it might happen… so I will only write what generally happened here:
    I went to visit Roger, whom I will forever love with all my heart. I went to his house and he greeted me at the door, welcoming me in with a warm smile, the kind that always makes me want to embrace him and tell him I love him over and over again. However, in my dream, I only returned that smile and accepted his welcome, following him inside. As I headed to the living room, which is where we usually go to relax, I noticed that he had gone in a completely different direction - into the basement.
    I followed him, and he held the door open for me to go down, then shut and locked the door behind him. I knew at once that something wasn’t right, but curiosity kept me moving downward into the poorly lit basement. I screamed when I saw what was waiting for me, but as I said before, I won’t go into detail. Imagination of the darkest things imaginable would give a person an idea of many of the things I saw. I will, however, say this… in my dream, I was raped and murdered by the boy I love more than anything in the world. But I know that would never happen, we’ve loved each other so much for three years now, Roger would never do that to me… now I must go. I’m going to spend the day at the park with Roger, and he’s coming to pick me up in an hour. I have to be ready to leave when he gets here, so I will write again when I return.

    _________





    August 13, 2014

    Dear Diary,

    I am 5 years old now. My mommy named me Jace, but my real name is Sharlot. My mommy isn’t my real mommy eathur. I was 16 years old afore, an now I am 5, but I amember everthing. I amember Roger to. I will kill him when I get older.

    _______

    August 12, 2009

    Dear Diary,

    I have returned from the park and am home once again. Although I was with Roger for the entire length of the day and had an absolutely great time, I feel so lonely now… I am alone in this apartment, and it feels just that way, too. Dad’s probably out drinking again, he always is on nights like this. I’ll probably call Snickers after I’ve had my shower. She’s such a good friend, Snickers is. That isn’t her real name, by the way, it’s just a nickname I gave her. I call her Snickers and she calls me Doodles because we’re best friends.
    Although I can’t understand what it is she sees in me that lets her say I’m her best friend, being that I am an outcast, after all. She has many friends, and she is my best and only friend. I know that to the average person that’s pathetic, since the majority of people like to brag about how popular they are and how many friends they have, but I only need one good friend to be happy, and that’s Snickers. Besides, I’m fairly antisocial and don’t often like to talk to anyone, anyways. This often makes me wonder how I managed to meet someone as wonderful as Roger, too. Perhaps we were just meant to be. J

    _________




    August 13, 2015

    Dear Diary,

    I didn’t rite in my diary for a hole year cuz mommy read it and was askared. Mommy thinks I was dreeming. She took me to the Docter and he was askared too. Mommy took me to talk to the pleece offisers and they were skarey. They askt me a bunch of kwestuns about me, Sharlot. They they talkt to mommy and she got more skared. Mommy talkt to Daddy and Daddy got mad, but he was skared too. Now mommy and daddy don’t talk to me no more. I herd Daddy tell Mommy he want to take me to the Orfanij, but mommy said no. I am skared too but I amember, and my hart still hurts wen I amember Roger…

    _______

    August 13, 2009

    Dear Diary,

    Roger called me early this morning at 5:30am. He said he wanted to take me somewhere special and that it was a surprise. His voice is so beautiful, even on the phone! Anyways, I’m so excited! I wonder where we’re going. The beach maybe? Exploring? Maybe even better! At first I was worried because he called so early, but now that I’ve been awake for about a half-hour, all I am is super excited! I’ve got to hurry and get ready now. He’ll be here in 45 minutes! Maybe I’ll write again when I get back if it’s not too late, but I’ve got to go now!
    P.S. I LOVE ROGER SO MUCH!!!! <3

    _________

    December 3, 2015

    Dear Diary,

    I live in a Orfanij now. Mommy and Daddy left me hear. Everone is askared of me to. The tall lady sez I’m jus speshul, but the other kids say I’m weerd. They don’t talk to me no more eethur. I’m sad now becuz no one wants to be my frend and I miss Snickerz. But I still hate Roger. I hate Roger! I HATE HIM!

    _______

    From the Avern Town Newspaper of August 14, 2009:

    On August 13, 2009, the body of 16 year-old Sharlot Bovar was found in Soars River. The cause of death is unknown, and little information is being given about Sharlot Bovar at this time. Officer John Caphe states, “The condition of the body is fairly mangled, but the exact cause of death is unknown. We’ll be doing an autopsy on the body to be sure, but it’s believed that it may be the result of suicide or murder.”

    _________









    August 13, 2016

    Dear Diary,

    Everone keeps leeving an they don’t come back. The tall lady sez they got a dopted. They got new mommys and daddys but they got pickt. No one pickt me. The tall lady says nobody wants me. I know shes rite. I still amember how things useta be. I cry a lot cuz I miss daddy and Snickerz. An I still miss mommy too. My reel mommy. But I cry even moar wen I think uv Roger. I luved him a lot but he killt me so now I hate him. I askt God why Roger killt me, an I askt God if Roger luved me or not, but God won’t talk to me eethur. I thot God luved everone but I gess he only luvs everone else. I’m not mad at God tho cuz everone else iz the same way but I am mad at Roger cuz I luved him and he killt me. No one else killt me. Not even God killt me, so I’m gunna kill Roger back, then I’ll kill me too.

    _______

    August 30, 2009: News Reporter Lisa Ferbak of WISC49 reports:

    “It has been confirmed that Sharlot Bovar, age 16 year-old, died in a suicide attempt on August 13, 2009. Investigators believe that she went to the West Avern bridge and stabbed herself, then leapt from the side of the bridge into the river. No further investigation will be conducted on this case…”

    _________


    October 14, 2016

    Dear Diary,

    I got a dopted today. I didn’t think anywon wanted me cuz not even God talks to me no more but I got a new mommy an daddy an they say they do want me. My new mommy is nice. She sez I’m cute an she gave me cookies an a new teddy bear named Mr. Samsun. My new daddy is nice too. He is strong and smiles a lot. When he hugged me it felt warm and nice. I think my new mommy an daddy really do luv me. I’m glad I’m not alone anymore but I still hate Roger. Mommy an Daddy say I should forgit him but I can’t. I don’t wanna. Roger was my life an he killt me. How kud I ever forgit that?

    _______

    August 13, 2009

    Dear God, I love her with every bone in my body. Sharlot Bovar is my life! She is so beautiful, so happy and kind, I love her so much! I want to take her somewhere really special today, and even though it’s 4:00 in the morning, I’m not tired at all. I’m trying to think of somewhere she’d like to go, somewhere she’s never been before. But where..? I still don’t know, but I’ll call her as soon as I think of something… after all, I want her to have a really good time on her last day…

    P.S. God have mercy on her soul…

    _______

    January 7, 2017

    Dear Diary,

    Mommy yellt at me agen today, an I don’t know why. She yells at me a lot now. She nevur tells me why tho. I think she’s skared. Everone is. I don’t care. I kno no one’s like me. No one ever was. I want mommy to luv me, but I kno she can’t. It’s not her folt. I still luv her tho. Daddy too. But I hate Roger.

    ______

    August 13, 2009

    Oh god, why did this happen?! I knew something wasn’t right as soon as I woke up this morning! I tried calling and texting Doodles a bunch of times but she didn’t answer, so I just assumed that she was busy or something! She’s DEAD now?! How?! WHY?! DAMNIT!!! She was my best friend! And I was the one who found her body in the river… I knew she was dead but I didn’t want to believe it… I still don’t! She was so cold, so sad looking… there was a stab wound in her chest, and her skin was pale white… the image haunts me… I screamed when I saw her at first, and then I cried. Oh, how I cried… so long that I can’t anymore… Why, Doodles? Why did you die? Why…?

    _________