• THE VEGETABLE OF ENLIGHTENMENT

    The Apple just sat on his favorite bench in the park. He sat there early in the morning every Saturday. He would sit for hours, reading or feeding the birds. Either that, or watching random things, such as the clouds moving in the sky or people taking their pets for a walk in the morning.

    This particular Saturday, however, was different. He wasn’t here to feed birds or to watch the sky. He was here waiting for the Vegetable of Enlightenment. The Apple got a letter in the mail a week earlier. The letter was from the Vegetable of Enlightenment. He spoke of great things for the Apple. I could go on for quite a long while, telling you, reader, of all the wonderful things of which the Vegetable of Enlightenment spoke in his letter, but the only thing you really need to know is that he spoke of happiness. Something we would all like to have.

    Why the Vegetable of Enlightenment picked the Apple, of all people, to give happiness to, is beyond anybody’s knowledge. But, as the letter instructed him, the Apple sat on the park bench this Saturday and waited for the Vegetable of Enlightenment to arrive. He was to arrive at noon.

    It was noon. The Apple looked around and the Vegetable of Enlightenment was nowhere to be found. He must have been late. The Apple continued to sit there waiting for the Vegetable of Enlightenment. He waited for another hour. He should be here any minute, right? He waited until night. He was about to get up and go home, but he was going to wait just one more minute. Before that minute ended the Apple fell asleep.

    The Apple woke up the next morning, still on the park bench. This was the first time he has ever sat on the bench on a day other than Saturday. He was able to make it through one day just sitting there waiting so he was planning on waiting this day too because, the Vegetable of Enlightenment had gotten confused when he wrote for the Apple to meet him on Saturday; He really meant to write, “Sunday”. That must be what happened!

    No, that is not what happened. It was now Monday morning and the Vegetable of Enlightenment still hasn’t arrived. The Apple already waited 2 days so he might as well just wait one more day. Tuesday came and the Apple has still not seen the Vegetable of Enlightenment. The Vegetable of Enlightenment must have been writing about a different Saturday. So the Apple waited until next Saturday.

    When the next Saturday came around, the Apple still hasn’t met the Vegetable of Enlightenment. After two more weeks of waiting he began to notice that he was beginning to rot. He didn’t want to rot away on the park bench. He was about to go home to live the rest of his life, but he would also like to live the rest of his life with extreme happiness, given to him by the Vegetable of Enlightenment. After a few hours of thinking it over, he decided to wait longer.

    ORIGINAL ENDING

    Fall then turned into winter. The Vegetable of Enlightenment didn’t show up and the Apple remembered something very important: The Vegetable of Enlightenment and his letter were nothing but figments of his imagination. The Vegetable of Enlightenment was never going to arrive and somehow the Apple already knew that from the moment he read the nonexistent letter. The Apple was going to go home now, but unfortunately, his time was up. He looked up at the clouds one last time and thought to himself, “I wasted my life waiting for The Vegetable of Enlightenment who I knew was never going to arrive.” The Apple then rotted away.

    THE END

    HAPPY ENDING

    Fall then turned into winter. The Vegetable of Enlightenment finally arrived after all this time. He gave the Apple the happiness he promised him. But, unfortunately, the Apple's time was up. He told the Vegetable of Enlightenment, "Thank you." Then the Apple rotted away. Even though the Apple waited so long, it was worth it. Those last few seconds of his life were the happiest seconds of his life. The Vegetable of Enlightenment then smiled and walked away.

    THE END

    SUPER HAPPY JOKE ENDING

    Fall then turned into winter and, finally, there was The Vegetable of Enlightenment. The Vegetable of Enlightenment gave the Apple the happiness he promised him. The Vegetable of Enlightenment spoke of many things in his letter. One of those things was happiness. The Apple was now the happiest man alive. But how can one be happy if one is rotting away? Well, one other thing The Vegetable of Enlightenment spoke of in his letter was youth. The Apple was now as young and fresh as he was when he first sat on his favorite park bench that Saturday morning. "Thank you!", The Vegetable of Enlightenment heard the Apple say as he was walking away smiling.

    The fresh Apple, full of happiness and confidence, met a fine, ripe Banana. And one day they planted their seeds together and grew 8 beautiful Banapples. The Banapples grew to be as beautiful as the Banana and as happy as, if not happier than, the Apple. This was all thanks to one mysterious and selfless man: The Vegetable of Enlightenment.

    THE END