I thought what I was told was true. That no matter what I did I would end up like everyone and everything else. A clone. That scared me. I have always been one to fight. I even made up fights for fun. I was ‘diagnosed’ as violent. That was the most expensive bull-crap I had to hear. Then, go become a flipping quadrillionaire and tell the whole world that they are violent. Yes. I did tell him, the doctor, that to his face in front of a lot of people. He was a douche anyway. Also, a moron if he thought I was gonna let him take me into a conference room of his superiors and let him tell me what my imperfections are. I would say were but I haven’t changed a bit. I will get back to this part of my story in a second. I will start backwards and ram forwards. I tend to ‘use violent descriptions as well.’ Man what a day I gave him.
Here we are when I was at age 5. Sunny Days Daycare Center. Hadn’t been sunny at all when I was there. I was the girl who had only a mother. They all had parents. Plus, there freeloading grandparents. I had to share my attention with my mom with her work to raise me and the little turd that followed later on. My brother. Yeah. So I am not the straight-forward nurturing type all the time. I have my gushy moments of motherness. But, in between then you will learn that I am a realist. I will not lie to you if you ask me to tell you the truth.
“ Do you like my picture?”
“ Oh. That’s a picture? I thought that was a rag used to clean up crayons.” Yeah. Everybody wants the friends who won’t lie and tell you everything you do is great. Just fine. Or that so does not look like crap. So I had only an exact total of 8 friends. 3 of them I knew in Sunny Days. They only got to know me when they were dared to ‘See what my problem was.”
Last time I checked. The problem was when you were afraid to talk to me. Not when I decided to be nice, yes be nice, and not torture the poor kids who feared that I could harm them in a daycare center. It was a smart move cause I was going through a temper tantrum at my mom having to work late for five days. But, still, I didn’t want them going faint being afraid to even breath near me fearing I will as they say make them hold there breath till they change colors. Even back then I thought that was stupid. Really stupid. Dumb even. But, whatever on the little peoples in my past. To my first 3 friends.
First of all I was playing with the puppets I made with paper cut-outs, glue, I was not one to eat glue, and popsicle sticks. I was attacking Tokyo with Ms. Jamey and her really big and fat fingers. It was weird when she made you hold her hand. She was skinny. But, her hands were squishy. I never held her hand unless there wasn’t another kid around for me to push in front of her.
“Hello.” I looked up mid “Rawr!” and looked up at a girl and 2 boys. The girl was in front and had her hand outstretched to me. Yes. At this point I think it would have been best for their future safety if she took my next action as a sign of me being a handful. But, of course naïve children do not understand.
I looked at her hand and at random. I bit her. Not hard. I was being nice. She pulled her hand back and the guys started laughing.
“If I don’t know your names you are a stranger. If you are a stranger and try to touch me you shall be bitten.”, was my answer to the look on her face. I am pretty sure she doesn’t know what to do. And she didn’t. Then, she shook her head and looked me sternly in the eyes as if she was facing a demon, which she practically was.
“My name is Alice.” She said not trying to see if she wouldn’t be bitten. Her blonde hair was down past her shoulders and she was wearing a dress. If we were supposed to be friends, that would have to change. It never did, but, I still tried when she decided to go princess. At least she wasn’t wearing pink. She doesn’t mind it. But, thankfully she thought it a pretty horrid color to wear a lot. It was green. She had brown eyes, too. So, she has been introduced. I looked to the boys and they held their breath. I tried to be reasonable. And learn to control my temper. Of course that wasn’t gonna even start to work till a lot later in this story.
“What is your problem? What is it that I can possibly do to you when we are in a Daycare Center? Who keeps saying all these things about me? Why does everyone think that I am out to get them? I have better things to do?” I ranted.
“Like what?”, said the one with black hair and green eyes. He sounded brave at the time but regretted saying them the next second. He just got scared again. Even though I wasn’t doing anything.
“Like watching cartoons, duh. And eating chocolate. It is an addiction. Says my mommy.” I said calming down.
“What does that mean? Add-um-tion?” I looked at him. No name.
“First of all. What is your name. You are still a stranger to me.”
“My name is Erik. With a ‘K’.” I looked at him with a sneer.
“Does the K make it special? It sounds the same.”
“What’s your problem? Why are you so mean to everyone. You are always making somebody sad.” Alice said. I looked back at her.
“I can’t help it if I turn out mean to everybody else. But, I say what I want. I have no reason to lie if somebody asks me if the picture is pretty. When it is not. It doesn’t help the person when they finally do find out after years of lies. That’s just how I am. And it’s not you Erik with a ‘K’. It’s me. I just don’t see why a name is so much more unique being spelled differently. I really don’t try to hurt everyone’s feelings.” I looked back at him and he smiled. “Maybe some.” I added with a smug grin. His smile was still on his chubby face.
“What are you still smiling at?” I said poking him in the shoulder. He winced at the last poke and was still smiling.
“I made you apologize.” I thought back. I never said I was sorry. But, I have to be a realist. I did. Poop head. Yeah. Back then I called people poop heads. The term evolved as I got older. You can do the math.
I glared at him and then turned my gaze to the other boy.
“My name is Jacob.” He wasn’t afraid. I like that. But, I am gonna have to fix that. I smiled. Darn that was fixed quick. He looked at me with his hazel eyes.
“What? Why are you smiling?”
“You weren’t afraid. I already fixed that though. So. What else do you guys want? “
“What? You bite me and insult and fix Erik and Jacob and then want to get rid of us?” I kind of did that by accident truthfully. But, I am having fun at this Happy and Sunny place. I will say the wrong answer.
“Yeah. What are you going to do about?” I challenged the guys of course caught that. She was mad. I smiled. Then, hugged her.
“Fine. Let’s go out to the sand box and play. Oh. You’re in a dress.” After she got over the shock of me hugging her she replied.
“I have on shorts, too.” She said blushing. She didn’t mean to say that out loud with the guys next to her. So, as the nice person I am I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to the back door. The guys followed silently. I looked back at them and glared. They stopped and I started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Alice asked.
“Nothing. I am just having fun.” I heard the guys mumbling behind me. “What’s that boys? Would you like to say it to y face or forever hold your peace?
If only they had known that peace for them was permanently ruined the second I knew their names.
- Title: I Rather the Dark Side
- Artist: Ashurita
I Rather the Dark
It will always come back
Just like my heart
The dark is black
When the rose wilts
Pain will kill
When balance tilts
The air will be still
Why go to the light
When it will leave
Somedays its out of sight
Like the days when you must grieve
- Date: 10/14/2009
- Tags: rather dark side