• 4.
    I felt stupid just standing there at the station, waiting for my train.

    I was wearing a pair of jeans that had holes in the knees, not on purpose by the way, with the blood I had shed still at the frayed edges; the scabs were long gone. Last year, I had gone with Alex and Trevor to a summer camp for boys. I didn’t want to go on the rope swing because I didn’t want to die at camp, at least not without a bear involved. Trevor and Alex got me on somehow, I can’t remember, and they pushed me and I let go before the camp counselor could tell me how to safely get off. My knees skid across the ground and miraculously, I got away clean with just two scrapes that made my knees look like they were crying. I haven’t worn the pants since.

    My jacket was brown canvas and I always felt better when I wore it. Whenever I wore it, it seemed to make my nose stop running and I felt as fresh as something new. It still smelled new because I didn’t wear it all that often, fearing that the magic would wear off.
    My shoes were new, but that was only because I walked everywhere and needed a new pair every six months or so. They were black with red laces and a band of white around the top of the sole. I liked them.

    My shirt was from one of my piles that I scooped up into my suitcase this morning after my parents left. It smelled okay and it didn’t have anything on it so I put it on along with some extra deodorant, just in case. I got dressed and made it look like I was going to school but I headed right back after an hour and finished packing. I left everything that didn’t fit into my suitcase there and hoped that my clean looking room would draw attention to the lazy a** note I constructed words for minutes before leaving.

    It said:

    Dear mom and dad,

    Don’t look for me, I’m okay and I’m not breaking the law for I wouldn’t have left otherwise. Maybe see you again.

    Stephen

    Did I mention that I felt like a total idiot writing this? It sounded like one of those movies where the kid runs away from home to make everything right in the world. I know for certain that I won’t be greeted by someone who will change my life or be given any special powers in the near future like those kids in the movies so I criticize myself for thinking of it.

    When I showed the ticket to the scanner and went through, one of the staff members ushered me into the office and asked where I got the ticket. Once I mentioned The Priest, they explained it as a strange ticket showing up on the computer. Most people didn’t buy their tickets until a day or two before they leaved. My ticket was bought about three weeks ago. Shocker.

    So now I was standing there like a dipstick, waiting for a train that came in an hour. The only other person there was sleeping on the bench. I’d bet ten bucks that he had been sleeping there all night.

    At about thirty minutes until the train was going to take off, things started to pick up. People started coming and waiting for the train like I was and about twelve minutes after that, the train came in, early.

    I got on it after an old lady who smelled like she had too many cats was assisted with her belongings by what looked like her grandson. The lady must have been really old for the guy was older than me and, of course, stronger looking. He smiled calmly as he assisted her but he shot everyone else a death glare if he caught them looking their direction, like he was going to kill them if they did so dare to even think about looking, touching, or talking to her. Overprotective freak.

    You actually don’t run into those people very often and I felt that I could like the guy if he could be overprotective like that to maybe, me or someone else on the train. I’ve had to basically take care of myself, excluding food, since I can remember and I guess everyone wants someone to take care of them a little bit from time to time. But that feeling went away when he turned around to get off the train, looking down upon me like I was scum under his shoes. I flipped him the bird when he went past me but he, thankfully, didn’t see it.

    Once on the train, I saw that it was made for a long journey, with compartments for privacy for passengers. One could fit six to eight children or four adults on the seats. The problem was, I knew no one on this train and the compartments weren’t assigned so I just had to pick one and hope no one would sit in it with me. I found an empty one and put my luggage on the upper rack, keeping my travel backpack with me just in case I got bored.

    No sooner had I sat down did the guy come by, checking for tickets. We hadn’t taken off yet but like anyone else would, they wanted to boot off any freeloaders as soon as possible. I took out my ticket and held it up so he would pass me by. He punched it and moved on, thank God.

    About a minute before the train took off, a woman in a suit came and sat down in the bench across from me. She completely ignored me, or maybe she didn’t see me, behind the screen of her laptop and once we took off, I felt like I was leaving myself behind. I looked at the woman to see if she felt any different but she had no reaction.
    I pulled my backpack closer to me for comfort and stared out the window at the busy city passing me by and turning into trees that you saw on postcards. I never imagined what my first train ride would be like but now I had a sickening feeling like I wasn’t going to like it.

    Sure enough, after about an hour and a half of ignoring me, someone who knew the woman in my compartment opened the door and started talking business with her. Unlike the woman who was sitting with me, the woman who started talking to her noticed me in the corner. Then she said about the stupidest thing I had ever heard in my life.

    “Could you leave please?”

    If she had continued, it would have sounded like, “You’re bothering us.” The way she said it made it so stupid. She made it sound as if I was intruding on them when in fact they were both intruding upon me since I was the first one there. The woman who hadn’t acknowledged my presence stared at me as if I appeared out of thin air.

    Instead of leaving, I stared at the woman who wanted me out. She looked at me as if I was stupid. Maybe I was for making such a big deal about this. She repeated herself but with more force.

    “Could you leave please?”

    Like force was going to work. I did what any other teenager would do. I got up, grumbled about it being stupid, and went to stand in the hall. The door shut behind me.

    I listened to them for hours, all while standing in the hall. People passed me by going to the bathroom and looked at me funny. I gave them a look that I hope said, “Hey, if this was your compartment, you’d stand and wait for it as well.”

    Well, when we were about an hour away from our destination, the woman who had noticed me stuck her head out to look for someone and her eyes came to me, standing and looking stupid holding my backpack. She frowned and I narrowed my eyes.

    “What are you doing?”

    “Waiting to sit back down in my compartment.”

    “What?”

    “What you are sitting in right now that you kicked me out of about four hours ago.”

    “Why don’t you go and sit somewhere else?”

    “One: I know no one on this train and Two: I was in there first so why should I go?”

    She looked at me as if I was a stalker. I’m not sure if I wanted her to think that or not. I wanted her to hate me enough to leave, possibly with the other woman as well. If being a stalker would do it, I’m now unofficially a stalker.

    “How long have you been standing there?”

    “Since you kicked me out.”

    “Have you been listening to our conversation?”

    Who couldn’t? They were talking loud enough to be heard on the other side of the train.

    “Not on purpose.”

    “Security!”

    What was this lady’s problem? What was she on that made me look so threatening? She was an accountant for Christ’s sake! It wasn’t a matter of national security! (At least I hoped she was an accountant because all she talked about with the other woman was sales, GNP, and small time farming contribution.)

    If I was feeling like my normal self, I would have bolted and let them just take the car, I would hang out in the bathroom. But I wasn’t feeling like my normal self. Since the time I got pissed at Trevor and Alex, I’ve felt a little more assertive. Maybe it was just puberty but I suddenly wanted to be on top of things, strange enough.

    If I had been paying attention earlier, I would have notice that the guy who was coming towards us as security was also the guy who had punched my card. He seemed to recognize me though. He asked what was going on.

    “Is there a problem?”

    “This boy has been standing outside, listening to our conversation for who knows how long.”

    “What do you want me to do about it?”

    “What?”

    “This boy was actually one of the first people to wait for the train and was early to get on. I punched his ticket before either of you got on the train so I don’t think I should send him away from the car he was originally in.”

    The woman was speechless but still angry. Surprisingly, I didn’t laugh. I stared at the guy and realized who he was, but that wasn’t what surprised me the most. He was standing up for me because he felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt like I was worth something.
    The guy turned and left after that. I felt satisfied. Then I saw the woman packing up the things in the compartment.

    “What are you doing?”

    “Getting out of your cart.”

    “I don’t really care.”

    She stopped. “What?”

    “As long as I get my luggage and get off at my stop, I don’t really care if I’m out here standing or not. Not that standing is all that great or anything but you know, you don’t have to make a big deal about it, I’m not.”

    She frowned and shut the door in my face, furiously whispering to the other woman. Whatever. I was just so surprised how calm I was taking it. From the way I was feeling, I would have cussed at her but instead, I coolly said what really mattered without really knowing it until about, now.

    To my surprise, the door opened again.

    “Get in.”

    I walked in and sat down where I was before. The door was shut behind me. I looked at the women to find them looking at me. I turned my attention back to the window in hopes that it would make them think they had privacy and didn’t have to stop talking on my account. I felt their eyes still on me. After a while, I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned my gaze to them.

    “What?”

    They continued to stare at me. I stared back until they were going to answer my question or look away from me. The noisy woman talked first (the woman who called for security.)

    “What’s in your backpack?”

    Nosy too. “Why?”

    “You’ve had it will you the whole time. Are you asthmatic?”

    “No. It has my school books in it.”

    At my school, you had to pay for your books. With those books, I also had books on learning Russian. It was an interest I liked to dabble in. They didn’t need to know that.
    They dropped the conversation and their gaze from me after that. They took to pointing to the computer screen and mumbling under their breath until we made it to the station. I got off as fast as I could with my luggage and got out of there before anyone got into my way. I found the street with no problem and started walking the way my directions said to go.

    Now I had about a day to walk twenty miles. Joy. I started to run as soon as the people thinned and disappeared as I got out of the city because it was dark. I was doing myself a favor by being alone. If I was killed before I made it to my new home, I didn’t care.
    The train was long but it seemed like nothing to the distance I had to cover. By the time the sun came up, I had already stuffed my jacket into my backpack, rolled up my sleeves, and was panting like a dog. I had to smell. I slowed down and started to walk again.

    Then I saw addresses that looked like the one I had. 2802, 2796, they were all spread apart, the missing addresses tucked in farther behind the houses I could see. When I saw 2734, my directions said to turn in and walk off the main road. I did and passed by 2733 on my way before going into a forested area.

    It seemed like forever but in what seemed like the middle of the forest was the front gate to the farm, 2732 Top Peak road. Good luck finding this mailman.

    I was early and I sat down at the entrance, feeling like a stranger who couldn’t walk in. A few minutes went by before I started to doze off. I didn’t fall asleep yet but I felt like someone was watching me. I looked up and to my left to see a girl staring at me.

    She was wearing jeans and a gray and white striped t-shirt. She had sneakers on her feet that looked a little worn. Her hair was brown like you would imagine when someone mentioned a horse and her eyes were the same color. If this was Cerise, she wasn’t going to kill me, though she looked lean enough to kick my a**. Note to self: don’t mess with her.

    I looked at my watch to see that we had about two hours before The Priest was supposed to show up to give up final debriefing on your new lives. Cerise had her luggage to the side like I had done and she had taken off her duffel bag and put it with her luggage. To my surprise, she walked up to me until she could kick me and asked me a question.

    “What time is it?”

    “Twelve twenty-six.”

    “Aren’t you going in?”

    “Why should I?”

    She saw my point, stopped talking to me, and went over to her luggage. She sat down cross-legged and sighed. I became too nervous to fall asleep, but I have no idea why I was nervous in the first place.

    That was just about the longest two hours of my life.