• Embrace of Fears


    i. “What would be a dream without you?” she’d always asked to herself.

    Night until dawn his voice whispering gentle as November breeze onto her ears telling her how he adores the blue moon when its full and his lips uttered a promises together they will walk under the moonlight cast beneath them and spend the night on sheets of grass as they watch the velvet stars out sky.
    He holds her securely around his arms and pulled her closer. She felt so secure, one so important blossom in eve spring until she slept from the warmth. She whispered that night, “And promise you won’t leave me.”

    “I will never leave your side,” he promised.

    When she is blue and wholly with her own tears, no one but he, who soothes her emotions and plants a kiss over her forehead. “Everything will be alright.” Whenever she stares at him, his eyes so warm it cast within, blue as the cerulean skies in summer afternoon.

    “I will always be here.” She smiled right after then.

    In her life she hadn’t been a dreamer, a dreamer of uncertainty between the reality and pieces of figment dreams. But she always believed in him, she does. His stories about the world she had never heard of before. At night when the sky is clear and the fae dances under the moon and as the touch of dawn they sing and hum with the Canary’s melodies. Night and dawn, the fae’s world exists, wide awake and invisible by the eyes of mortals.

    He asked her then, “Would you dance with me?”

    Funnily enough, she doesn’t know how to dance and be graceful enough to sway as the way breeze does. “I love to but…,” she whispered softly as sleep overwhelms her, a dreamer herself.


    ii. The moon shown full outside her window as she asked him, “You’re not just a part of my dream, aren’t you?”

    “Yes.”

    “You’re not just a part of my imagination, tell me?”

    “I’m not.”

    …do you love me, don’t you?

    Fear and doubt on herself, grasping for an answer. What is real from not. Too scared to find out she had only made it all and a product of her own tricky mind. Too scared one morning she found out the truth and he was gone entirely. Well, she was already used to that woke up from the morning hum of lovebirds and blankets close to her neck. He was gone. Left none of his presence the so clear night she was with her, but only his promises that always shattered into pieces.

    “I will never leave your side,” the words he promised every night, a rolling tape on her ears.

    She believed at every word he says and the reason why she always hoped for and left broken and doubted that it was only but a part of her dreams.
    From that day, she grew tired of believing that it was always ends up to upset her again. She wished then she dreamt of anything. White rabbits that once ran along with her, friends and faces she had only seen on dreams and in the end she woke in the morning with this smile tugged on her lips. No broken promises and no tears slid under her lids.

    iii. Days and months past, liger from pondering the dreams she all had. Too old to believed such figments and too old to lived with her own lies and made up stories. At seventeen years of age, she realized it was merely just a dream from past and made up stories of a girl’s mind. She started to live from the fact with her own life dreaming not of moonlight and stars but dreamt of her own reality her future to behold with. She had once dreamt to become a painter, a writer, an athlete and something she would be proud of herself someday.
    Dazzled and so much overwhelmed by everyday life of a normal day for a typical teenage girl, she tossed back all the dreams of her past like the letters locked in a box and just kept for some part of old memories.
    She gazed for tomorrow so cold and alone without him next to her.

    iv. One night in December air brushed by the window’s curtain she forgot to close before going to bed, silence woke her up. The cold swam all over her room cast the cold chilling along her bare shoulder. The moon light up the skylines, so familiar and full. She wonder if it’s full where he is and how is he doing. Unknowingly, she had too, starts to adore the moon as he adored it so much.
    Looking back from his vivid memories she couldn’t scat, so fogged and far from real. She remembered the promises he had one told her, “Together we will walk under the moon and dance with our feet along the breeze.”
    Fear startled her, it was just a dream she had made, a mistake and the credit she took for grant to consider as true that soon left her with doubt. She tossed and turned around her bed. She couldn’t sleep no more. A dreamer haunted by her own figment dreams.
    “It is all but a lies.”

    v. Another spring to hot summer months so fast she hadn’t even recognized. She stayed almost awake all nights, tossed and turned side by side. No warmth, only cold and no more. She turned over again and the moon met her face this time. The word “adore” that once holds with, left her heart spring for longing of someone she could not forget. But part of her grasp of perception, he was gone. He was not real or even exists, kept in a box and never to open.
    She was all alone and cold since then.

    vi. She prayed that night and pleaded for the moon never to shows up and nights never to come. Though, deep inside her, a part of her, desperately screaming out his name and prayed that it wasn’t only a product of her mind, not just a dream after all.
    No nights she slept with tears tracing along her weary eyes, so cold and alone.

    vii. “Would we still walk under the same moon?” she asked herself one night, hiding away her tears by the cold comforts of her pillow.

    “And lay on grass as we watch the stars upon us?”

    “Will you once ask me to dance with you?” Tears betrayed once again as her heart sank into complete emptiness.

    Sob was her all console, swallow her whole by darkness that had been the prison of her life, cold and no more.

    “Promise me you won’t leave me.” She thought then, she heard a voice whispering so gentle and soothing to her ears as faint as a dream.

    viii. Darkness and silence has been a part of her mundane life, but silence hurts her ears the most than songs of her fears and darkness so comforting that numbs her entirely into cold. She wanted to say his name, dare to whispers the name she once utters and memorize on her lips every night, though fear overwhelmed her as an aftermath. Grasped by fear no one will answer her calls, no one but this dead silence of the night.

    “…Eramis.”

    ix. The cursed upon her night after night, “When would it end?” she always thought bitterly insane.

    Woke from a sleep without a dream, the sight of full moon framed on her window caught her first. She thought of how they walk under the moonlight once again, the hundreds of once again, casting the solemn looks on her face. She turned the other side and ignored the fair it holds. Odd, it wasn’t cold the way she had been used to it, the cold that consoled her in this sleepless night. She shut her eyes close, tears licking down her cheeks, embraced herself tight under the sheets from the emptiness that never soothed.
    She wanted to break the silence. She wanted to get out from this hell. She wanted to make a sound, a real sound calling the name she feared most.

    “Eramis… ”

    No one answered as she had expected.

    “I’m very sorry… I shouldn’t let this all happen. This is… I know this all my fault and how selfish I am that I know then I can’t live my life without you,” she cried helplessly ignoring the silence that embraces her words. “I was so selfish.”

    Silence echoes.

    She wanted to break the silence. She wanted to get out from this hell but she doesn’t know how.

    “It’s alright. I’m here.”

    Startled and frozen. She knew, she heard a voice too familiar and so clear enough not to recognize every word. She hadn’t dreaming at all. “Eramis,” she said, very sure of her words. Tears welling all over her eyes it never stop. She opened her eyes darkness never surprised her, either. The moonlight that casts pale light over her bed, clouded by her own tears, an outlined frame of so familiar dream sat next at the edge of the bed. She feared it was only but a dream, another nightmare that soon to come end… but did not. The shadow was perfectly still, neither a shadow from a dream nor nightmare, it was merely as real. She feared not of the dead silence or the truth he was a figment. Once and for all, what she feared was losing him again and never to come back. She trusted her frail body to him, crying harder as she wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her face into his chest. She was too afraid in just a flick of her he was gone. Feared he will go.
    She felt his arms around her back, cares and soothes her tears that betrayed. She never flinched, only the words keep on tracing her shaking lips, “I’m sorry.”
    He whispered her name, this time she realized it was so long since she heard his voice calling her name, inaudible as if hearing them underwater because of her uncontrolled sobs. He kissed her forehead. His eyes the same cerulean she had known before, only then, a tears was secretly slides down as he said, “I never leave your side as I always promise.”

    x. She nestled against him and closed her tired eyes, the fears that haunt her once embraced now by warmth she longed for so much. She knew to herself the blame is all hers, doubt that explain all her fears and regrets. She could feel his arms around her back as the way it did before and his every breathe that reminds of her the reason for believing. She finally realized that no promises had broken and how she had always loved him, forever from her world where mortals ought to be to the fae’s world where her lover is.
    She loves him more than he does.