• First part/chapter

    I was the only one they told. I suppose they thought Cade was too immature for 16 to even care. Corey and Kateline being ten would be tragically dramatized. Cameren is only three and he will most likely not understand what all this meant. Karly, Little fragile Karly would never remember her dad being only a small two year old. I will. I will always remember him. I will always remember how my life changed because of him. How my life will never be the same again. No matter what.

    I can remember the day everything changed, May 20th. Three days ago. Three days, the days of my life I will never get back, because I didn't enjoy them. Instead agonized over my father and his soon to be death. If I would've died yesterday I wouldn't die happy. I would die with a deep pain in my heart that would then never heal. Now I am moving on. Kind of. I am going to enjoy my life and hide my deep dark pain in my heart, no matter how much pain my hearth causes me I am going to move on from May 20th, the day my father came home from the doctor, the day we left.

    Kim, our cat, sped to the door as my dad entered. She rubbed up against his leg greeting him and hoping for the usual scratch behind the ear as a hello back. Instead all she was given back is a hopeless sigh. He walked right on past her and everyone else. He stared at the ground and he walked into his bedroom to confront my mother. This was the beginning of the end.

    “Kayla,” My name. The name I would soon hate because it was the name my dad wanted for me. He just happened to be saying my name. His voice was coming from his bed room, weak and helpless, quite and tender, soft and harmful, lovely and dreadful. I placed Karly softly in her crib and went down the hall to my parents bedroom, straight to what would cause me so much pain in my heart.

    My father tells me this long story that with every word he says makes pain ache in my chest. I never imagined this. My father, the man who raised me and loved me and was the only guy I knew who wasn't a total jerk. Now I thought differently. Maybe underneath all that love and strength and all the qualities I admired in my dad there is a real jerk. A jerk who wants his family to leave him when he is about to die. In 90 days his hear or something is suppose to just shut down, stop working, causing him to die in a matter of seconds. So he wants us to just leave?!? Instead of having us with him and enjoying the last 90 with his we are suppose the suffer 90 knowing when we come back he will be dead somewhere?!? That doesn't seem like him, at all.

    As if to interrupt me Karly starts to cry. Karly is more of my daughter than my mother's. Karly was an 'accident' according to my parents. They didn't want to have any more kids after the twins an especially after Cameren. When they ended up having Cameren my mother took care of him until I was 12 and he was 12 months then she started using him as a way to 'prepare me to be a mother' and I started taking care of him more and more. Then Karly came. My mother said since I was so good with Cameren she was going to teach me how to raise a girl. There is more of me learning on my own with experience then her teaching me anything, but I really don't mind.

    I don't say anything and neither does he. I think he is done. I think he can sense my hate for him right now. He just sits there and looks at me with little puppy dog eyes. I scowl back at him and leave. I feel his eyes watch me as I leave, they feel as if they are burning a whole into my sole. When I left I didn't realize that was going to be the last time I would see my dad's room not in a complete wreck.

    I walked down the hall slowly. I felt like I had the weight of my whole family on my shoulders. I wonder if this is how heavy people feel, like they weigh a million pounds, like each step takes every ounce of strength you have, like you will just pass out any second. How could my dad WANT us to leave. How could he not tell anyone else but me? Why me? He could've told everyone. He could have told no on. He could've told Cade the oldest. But he told me. Why?

    Karly started to scream louder. Her screaming snapped me back into reality. I ran into her and Cameren's room. There was Cameren tugging her blanket away from her. Why does he have to be a pest all the time? Cameren looked at me when I came in in shock. He let go of her blanket and she fell back onto her but. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and held her blanket by her side. Something I have seen her do ever since she was given her blanket. When ever she would be upset she would do that and she would calm down.

    I hate this stress. If this is what being a mother is like I am not sure if I want to be one. This house is getting smaller it seems. Like its trapping me inside. The walls seem to cave in. I take a deep breath in and I just become dizzy. This house is no longer mine. I don't want this house to be mine. I want to go. I want to leave this house forever. To disappear.

    I take everyone to the park. Everyone being Karly, Cameren, Kateline, and Corey. Cade has been out at some party since like 10 last night. He probably still at whoever's house the party was at. Drunk and asleep on their couch. They'll notice soon and call my mother to come get him. He'll be to loopy to drive. Our dog Catnip ends tagging along.

    We named him Catnip mainly because he fights with cats and Kateline and Corey named him when they were five. That was the best they came up with. He's a small beagle dog. He could easily lose himself but he is a good dog and even if he gets out he never leaves anywhere without one of us.

    The park was normal. The park was caving in our spinning out of control or anything else the house was like. I felt like myself at the park. I felt like I was normal again watching Cameren and pushing Karly in a stroller and letting Kateline and Corey fight there problems out. I fed Karly her baby food of mashed peas and let her hold her bottle herself.

    My cell phone rang 3 times. I looked at the screen. My mother was calling. My mother was on the other line waiting for me to answer. For my voice to say Hello and then she to tell me something that I probably don't want to hear considering how today has gone.

    “Hey mom.” I sigh into the phone. I press the phone between my ear and shoulder and get my bag ready because I have a feeling she is going to tell me to come back home.

    “Karly,” She starts “Come one back to the house. We need to pack up. We are going soon.”
    Click. The phone line dies. Dial tone. She is following through on this leaving thing. We really are leaving. Leaving my dad to die. Everything around me disappears as I go into like a trance.

    I see my dad. I see him clutch his heart. I see him fall to the ground. I see him fall face first I see no one around. I see him die. Die in a matter of seconds. He goes pale. His grip on his chest loosens to nothing. He is laying on his stomach. Laying face on the ground. Hand under his chest. I see Kim snip him. I hear her whine. Then she cries. She has Cameren wail. Cameren's cry.

    Cameren! He's crying. Clutching his bloody knee. He's crying. I think he fell. I reach into my bag and get a piece of gauze and and bandage and wrap up his knee. I pick him up off the ground and call for Kateline and Corey to come. We were going back to dad's house.

    Kateline pushed Karly for me and Corey straggled behind us. I had to keep a close eye on him. Once he wandered in the street and almost was hit. That would've made my day. Karly falls asleep and Cameren's arm is around my neck and he rests his head softly on my shoulder. I am not sure if he's asleep but if I had to bet I bet he is.

    We step into the front lawn and there's a big RV. in out driveway. The RV. Would be really hard to miss considering how the whole driveway was taken up. My mom's car is gone, disappeared. I flip my chocolate brown hair out of my face and study the RV. Our new home. This is my mom's, the house is my dad's. My mother comes out of the RV in blue-jean-overalls. She announces that we are going on a three month cross-country road trip. This catches me at no surprise. Dad isn't coming and I know this. She doesn't say that though.

    I examine the inside. A driver and passenger seat. A sitting area with two couches and a rug with storage above. Next is the bed room. Three bunk beds and a area for what I guess is Karly's play-pin. Behind that is the bathroom with a shower, sink, and toilet. Underneath the beds in pull out storage for clothes. I set Cameren on one of the beds and elevate his knee.

    I don't tell the twins or Cade why dad's not coming just that he is not. The twins beg me why but I tell them just because. Cade doesn't care really because as long as he can remember Dad just buys food for him to eat.

    Everyone packs up. I tell them to take everything. Everything they want. All their clothes and their favorite items. For Kateline she takes her dolls. For Corey he takes his Nintendo. For Cade he takes junk. I watch as Karly sleeps in her play-pin. I place her blanket in with her and pack up here clothes and a few of her toys. I pack up Camerens clothes and some of his arm men, toy cars and trains and bring the bags down into the RV.

    Once I place their bags tucked away safely and fold their clothes neatly I carry Karly's play-pin with her in it down into the RV. I make sure the air is still blowing in through the air vent and leave her to sleep peacefully in her conner.

    Back inside I fix up the twins. I try to make Corey's curly blond hair a little neater. Then I braid Kateline's beautiful long blond into two even braids. Afterwards I tie back my brown hair into a ponytail. Everyone has blond hair but me. Mine is a milk chocolate brown. There are a few lighter highlights here and there but not hardly enough.

    Kateline, Corey, and even Cade run outside and play with Catnip in the front yard. Cade seems like a normal big brother for a while. Instead of the drunk, partying fool I know he really is. He is crazy and does stupid things a lot but I love him when it comes down to everything. He's really cool.

    I stroll outside to join them. Cade knocks me down onto the grass and pins me down while Catnip comes over and licks my face. I laugh soaking everything in. The joyful look on Cade's face, the giggles coming from Kateline and Corey, the wet slobber on my face meaning Catnip really does care for me. Is this what a normal family is like? Laughing and smiling and having fun in the front yard together? I want to be a normal family now. I want to have fun like this everyday, but ofcourse this doesn't last. Cade gets off of ,me and goes to climb the tree. Catnip stops licking my face and barks at the bottom of the tree up at Cade. Kateline and Corey go and watch in wonderment as Cade climbs the tree like I have seen him do a few times before.

    I walk into the RV to check on Cameren and his knee. I find my dad staring at Karly as she sleeps. I step closer to him and look at Karly. She looks to be half her age when she's asleep. Everyone does really. She looks so fragile and weak now though. Now the strong little trooper I know she is. My dad places his arm around me. I decided to forget my hate right now just so I can enjoy this moment.

    “She looks just like you when you were little.” he says with a hint of un-mistakable sorrow in his voice. I stare at Karly imaging myself being so cute and tender and small. The picture never comes.

    “I'm sure I did.” I reply even though I know my dad was just lying to me. I probably never looked like her. Even then after everything I see something creep on my father's face that I am sure I will never see again, no matter how much I loved to see his nice loving, gentle, sincere smile.