• There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."


    Why did the blonde cross the road?

    I don't know.

    Neither did she.


    Did you hear about the blonde that...
    Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

    Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

    Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

    When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

    Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

    After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms


    a homeless person goes up too a woman sitting on a bench in a park he starts hugging and kissing her the womans says:
    what are you doing im not yours
    the homeless person says:then what are you doing in my bed?...


    mrgreen