• Chapter One: Daydream


    Lia Garrison wasn't exactly what you'd call popular.
    She sighed as she walked home, her iPod on shuffle. Of course, she walked home alone. You didn't get many friends when you were constantly trapped in a different world. Though trapped wasn't really what she'd use to describe it, it was more like...exactly the opposite, she was totally free in her world of daydreams and music.
    Where else could she listen to Lily Allen or Linkin Park give her a live performance completely complimentary, and only for her? She had all of her favorite songs at the push of a button, a button easily reached by her fingers.
    It was the next best thing to actually carrying all of her favorite singers
    in her pocket.
    But, of course, she always got what was second best. Second best parents
    even though she would never think of them like that. Her parents didn't mean to
    be the way they were.
    Her father had never meant to develop an alchohal problem, her mother had never meant to start smoking and doing drugs. They had just gotten caught up in drama.
    Second best teachers. They were nice, but always very strict, and she was
    always the least favorite child in the class. But, than again, why not?
    She was constantly lost in a daydream, her teachers described it as a
    heavy cloud above her head, but she thought of it as more of a rainbow.
    Second best friends. Even though friends wouldn't really be her first word to describe them. But having people that let you hang out with them, because you didn't know what else to do, was the next best thing to having someone actually care whether or not you dropped off of the face of the planet.
    The daydream was her only escape. It was a place where she could be
    happy. Where she couldn't judged by the kids at school. Where she didn't have
    to worry about getting beaten by her parents at night.
    The daydream was the only thing that stopped her from spiraling into
    depression.
    As long as she was wrapped inside the warm, happy blanket of the daydream, she was safe. As long as she just thought of things as "the next best thing" instead of horrible, it kept her from breaking down from the utter terribleness of it all. She was content.
    Content, but not happy, even the daydream wasn't good enough to cheer
    her up completely. Nothing was, the only thing that could help her, would be if she had some real friends, or parents that loved her, or.....she hardly dared to think the word but....if she had a boyfriend.
    That was a sick joke she knew. Why would any boy want to go out with
    her?
    It wasn't that she was ugly, she was very pretty, but she was too modest
    to think of herself that way. She had gorgeous black hair that was naturally curly and always gently cascaded down her back. Her eyes were dark blue, and were always sparkling with excitement.
    This spark was thanks to the daydream, of course. Without it......
    The daydream. It kept her safe, but it was also what alienated her from
    everyone else. The reason why no boy would approach her. Living in a fantasy world just wasn't attractive.
    It didn't help that the most popular girl in school, Jennifer Redstone had declared her a freak since her first day of middle school.
    Noone seemed to understand her background, her family, the reason why she was constantly stuck in her foreign world. If they had, perhaps they would have liked her better, but than again, maybe that would have made everything worse.
    Anything different was frowned upon.
    At Hirion Middle School, there weren't many actual people, there was just Jennifer Redstone and all of her followers. They were also known as the populars.
    Everyone else, anyone that dared to not be a sheep, not follow the alfa dog, not be a part of a brainless pack, was declared a wierdo or a creep by Jennifer.
    These people were known as the outsiders, and Lia was the biggest one of all.
    Even her so called "friends" who were also outsiders were never completely comfortable around her. It was just that she was so happy all the time, everyone found it annoying, but Lia just thought of it as her life. Being positive was just how she lived. She couldn't help it. She always looked at the bright side.
    This might have made her popular at any other school, but here? Here with a bunch of estrogen pumped girls that were more vicous than lions and willing to rip the head off of anything that wasn't the same? What a joke.
    Of course, Jennifer got all the boys. Even though they were only in the seventh grade, she must have forgotten that, and so must have all the boys that were lined up at her feet.
    That was another reason why she didn't like the word boyfriend. They were way too young. Or at least, in her mother's view. Or what her mother's view would have been if it had been the same as when Lia was six, before her mother's mind was clouded by drugs.
    That was one thing she really did think of as a cloud, her mother's mind. It made her sad. She wished she could help her mother, and her father too, but there was nothing to be done, nothing to be said.
    Whenever she tried to talk them out of it, they always cursed at her, and hit her, telling her to stay out of their lives.
    So lately, she had been throwing away the drugs, ciggaretes, and beer, but sometimes her parents found them in the trash can outside their house, although it's a wonder how, since they never took out the garbage. So even more lately, she had been hiding them around the house, or riding her bike four miles to the junkyard.
    She knew it was probably illegal in some way to drop off drugs and alchohal at a junkyard, but she didn't know what else to do, and she definately didn't want to call the cops on her parents. That would be disloyal, it would make her feel like a bad child, a lost cause, and she thought it would give her parents even more of a reason to hate her.
    This remained her secret. She was longing to tell someone, to let someone else feel her pain, if only for a little.
    But she knew she couldn't. This was a secret she'd take with her to her grave.
    When she finally reached her house, she was still her usual blissful self, until she noticed that there was an ambulance parked outside her house.
    Her aura of happiness, her bubble of saftiness popped for the first time in her life, and she had no idea that what happened next would lead to the breakdown of Lia Garrison.


    Chapter Two: Why?


    Lia rushed inside her house, panicked. She noticed there were lots of people in the living room, lots of people in white suits.
    Oh god, she thought. Paramedics. There wouldn't be paramedics here unless something was seriously wrong. Was her mother hurt? Or her father? Or had they both been hurt in some type of freak accident?
    Lia felt her breathing quicken, her heartbeat accelerated. Calm down, she told herself. But her body refused to listen to her mind, and she could feel herself begin to hyperventilate.
    "What's wrong? What happened?" she asked one of the paramedics. But he payed no attention to her, and just continued to talk to the person next to him. She caught bits and pieces of their conversation.
    "-drug overdose." "-bedroom." "-found her there." the last thing she heard, was "-dead."
    That was too much for Lia, she ran away from the landing of their house, and ran toward her parent's bedroom. She absolutely refused to believe that the paramedics had said that last word. She must have misheard them, there were plenty of other words that sounded like "dead". She had merely misheard them, that was all. Or the paramedics were mistaken, her mother couldn't be dead, of course not. Just the thought was ridiculous...
    Lia was in denial, and she knew she was, she also knew that she would continue to be in denial until she saw with her own eyes that the paramedics had been right.
    Lia paused outside her parents door, hesitated. She hadn't seen anything, she could pretend she hadn't heard the paramedics talk, could go to her room and keep her innocence, remain blissfully ignorant. However, if she opened the door, truth would come pouring out, and right now, truth seemed like the scariest thing Lia could think of. If she didn't open the door though, she would be left wondering somewhere in a corner of her mind. While she was sitting in her room, pretending she didn't know anything, she'd be wondering is everything really okay? And deep in her mind she would know the answer to that, and the answer was, no.
    Which was worse? Truth or not knowing?
    Her body made the decision for her. Without thinking, she opened the door, involuntarily, she stepped inside. She didn't choose to do anything, she just did. Her mind protested, but once again, her body didn't care. Her mind had no power anymore, she was left with pure instinct.
    Lia looked down, and immediately wished she hadn't. Her mother lay on the floor, without the slightest sign of moving. Lia crouched down next to her, and felt her wrist, hoping for a pulse.
    There wasn't one.
    Lia felt tears well up in her eyes. She just unconscious she told herself, but it was faint, and disappeared into her thoughts almost instantly. Another thought raced through her skull, and this one stayed. She's dead. She's dead. She's dead. She's dead.
    Lia kept repeating it in her mind, until she was whispering it, and without realizing it, she started screaming it. She stopped when she heard someone give out the most mournful, depressed cry she had ever heard, and she looked around, forgetting her own misery for a second, to try and reach out a hand to whoever had given off such a sad sound it made her heart ache. That's when she realized it was her that had made the noise.
    Someone ran into the room, obviously hearing the sound, and Lia looked up to see a paramedic. The paramedic was middle aged with light brown hair and dark brown eyes.
    She caught sight of Lia, and grew angry. "You're not supposed to be in here." they said coldly.
    Lia was sobbing, she had discovered her mother dead on the floor, and this paramedic didn't even care.
    The paramedic noticed the tears, and saw how Lia was holding her mother's icy cold hand, and her eyes softened.
    "Look kid, I don't know if she was your mother or what, but she's dead, and we have to get this body to the morgue."
    That made Lia feel sick. As if her mother was just an empty shell all along, and never an actual person. But hadn't seemed like that ever since the drugs?
    Before Lia's mother had started using drugs, before Lia was six, her mother had been so kind and caring. Her mother had been the type of person that woul take time out of their day to have a polite conversation with a stranger on the street. She had been the person that would help little kids that were crying, whether the dilema was a lost ice cream cone or a lost parent.
    After she started using drugs, however, Lia's mother became the type of person that would snap at people for no reason, the type of person that always seemed upset or edgy, and the type of person that would take their anger out on their innocent daughter.
    Maybe it was a good thing that her mother was dead, maybe if there was some type of after-life, her mother was able to be her old, caring self again. Who knows? Maybe she was an angel somewhere in heaven right now, watching Lia as she cried.
    Still, Lia couldn't help but wonder why.
    Why? Why had her mother had to get addicted to drugs in the first place? Why? Why had her mother not tried to get help? Why? Why had she been so desperate? Why? Why hadn't Lia hidden the drugs better? Why? Why hadn't Lia prevented all this?

    Chapter Three: Pop


    Lia could feel her heart as it popped. Her chest welled up in pain as she felt her heart explode. This was all so painful and sudden, Lia didn't think she could bare it.

    “Hey kid,” said the paramedic. “The man that called us, he was your father, wasn't he? Well he's not taking this too good. He's somewhere upstairs now, maybe you should go and try to comfort him. You probably wouldn't want to stay here right now anyways. We're about to take the body away.”

    As if on cue, two men came carrying a stretcher and a large white sheet.

    Lia ran from the room, which wasn't easy with the tears blurring her vision. This is all just a dream she told herself again and again. A horrible nightmare, it'll all be over soon.

    In the pit of her stomach she knew she was lying to herself. This was a nightmare. A terrible, living, breathing, nightmare. The real dream was over. All thanks to this rude awakening.

    She wondered around her own house like a stranger would. Nothing seemed familiar. Was that hole in the wall always there? Or how about that crack in the window? The cockroach underneath the floor boards? The smell coming from the bathroom? The torn curtains? The half destroyed furniture? Was her living situation really this bad?

    Lia, not knowing where else to go, dashed inside the smelly bathroom, locking the door behind her. She had to be alone. She just needed to lie down, and she didn't care where as long as she could be isolated from everyone else. The door to her room didn't lock, so she ruled that out. The only room that did lock other than the bathroom was her parent's bedroom, and she wasn't about to go back in there.

    Lia didn't even turn on the light, she just curled up on the cold tile floor, and tried to close her eyes.




    ***

    Lia was woken up by several loud knocks on the bathroom door. She debated on whether or not to open the door, but with a loud bang the decision was made for her. The door was kicked open and, it landed with a loud thud painfully on Lia's foot. Her father stood in the doorway with a smug smile on his face as if he was happy to see his daughter in pain. He was swaying slightly and the smell of alcohol was heavy in the air. Lia knew he was drunk.

    “You.,” was all he said in a slurred voice. “You, you're the reason she died.”

    At this point, Lia was just trying to free her foot from the door, but what he said made her forget the pain in her foot, and instead brought up the swelling pain in her chest.

    “I know,” she whispered.

    Lia wasn't upset that her father blamed her for her mother's death. How could she when she blamed herself too? If only she had been more persuasive when she had tried to get her mother to stop. If she had thrown all the drugs away instead of just hiding some of them.

    Lia could hear him crying. Her father did many things, but crying wasn't one of them, so she was shocked and she knew that he must have been seriously hurt by this.

    “You killed my wife!” he shouted. “I hate you! I want you out of my house! Now!”

    Her father lifted the door off her foot, and Lia wasted no time scrambling to her feet and limping away.

    “You have five minutes to pack your things,” her father said disgustedly.

    Lia hurried up the stairs as fast as she could. She found her backpack, and stuffed as many clothes and blankets that would fit inside.

    When she was at the front door, her father pushed her the rest of the way out, and she fell onto the wooden porch, scraping her hands and knees.

    “I don't want you to come into my house ever again! You were a terrible, terrible, mistake. I never wanted to have you and I've never been more disappointed in something in my whole life. I hope you die on the streets tonight.”

    The door slammed behind her, and if there was one good thing to be said about that night, it was that Lia left with more knowledge than she had had before.

    She learned that the real world is harsh and cruel. She learned that people are harsh and cruel. She learned that you will get hurt both emotionally and physically and there's nothing you can do about it. She learned that happy endings aren't real. She learned that people only want to see you get hurt, and if they lift you up, it's only because they want to see you when you fall. Perhaps the most important thing she learned that night, however was that you can never trust anyone. Everyone will eventually hurt you, so it's better to just let go of them before you get hurt. Love makes you weak. To love someone is to trust them entirely and when you trust someone completely it just makes it that much harder to choke down when they betray you.

    That night, Lia left her fantasy behind and took her first steps into the real world.


    Chapter Four: A Place to Rest


    The night was cold.

    The bitter and harsh wind crept up on Lia and left goosebumps down her back on her arms. She shuddered violently and silently cursed herself for not being smart enough to throw on jacket before stepping outisde.

    The moon must've been cold too, because it was hidden behind a thick blanket of dark clouds. Lia envied the moon for having some sort of blanket, but she was also angry at it for leaving her with nothing to light her way through the night but the dim street lights.

    But that's what everyone was doing to her, wasn't it? Leaving her all alone to shiver in the dark. It had happened with everyone at her school when they decided to declare her an outcast. It happened with her mother when she died because she refused to give up drugs, it happened with her father when he kicked her out of the house, and now it was even happening with an inanimate object. It really showed how well your life was going when inanimate objects started turning their back on you. Honestly, the only companion she had was the heavy bag on her back, and that was more of a burden than anything else.

    Lia couldn't help but wonder why all of this had to happen to her. Surely there was someone else out there that had done a greater sin. But this wasn't about whether you sinned or not. This was life, and life simply wasn't fair. Bad things would happen to you in life, and you wouldn't like them, but you just had to deal with them. That was all that life was, dealing with the bad stuff.

    Stop it! She ordered herself. Yeah, life sucked. But right now she had to think. Where was she going to sleep? She could just huddle in a doorway, or maybe she could find an alley. As long as she wouldn't be disturbed, anything was okay with her.

    That's when Lia saw a bright sign that lit up her whole face.

    A cheap motel.

    So maybe the sign wasn't that bright. It only lit up about half of her face, because only the M, T, and E in the red neon word, 'motel' still worked. She was across the street from it, but she could've sworn she could here the rats and bugs scuttling from there, there was a huge hole in the roof and the entire place looked horribly run down.

    Normally, Lia wouldn't even think about spending the night in a place like that, but all the walking had made her really tired, and she was freezing cold. If it had been any other circumstance, any other night, Lia would have walked right by the motel, but right now nothing seemed more tempting to her. And anyway, at least it was a place to rest.

    She looked left and right for cars, and than ran across the street. The motel door was made of wood, and it was decaying, it hung on rusty hinges, and it creaked with age as Lia pulled it open.

    At the front desk, there was a dying small potted plant, and a half asleep balding middle aged man.

    He jumped a little in surprise when he saw Lia but he quickly cleared his throat and asked, "You're not here to spend the night, are you?"

    "Yes, I actually am," said Lia, much more anxious than she had been five seconds ago.

    "I'm sorry," he said, "It's just that we don't get a whole lot of people here."

    "Why not?" asked Lia, beginning to regret her decision.

    He shrugged, "I guess people just don't like motels."

    They both stood for a while in akward silence until Lia finally spoke. "So, how much is it to get a room for one night?"

    "Five bucks."

    "Wow, cheap," remarked Lia.

    "Well when you get as little clients as we do, you tend to not want to drive them away with high prices."

    Lia opened up her bag and fished through it until she found her old piggy bank. She had at least $500 in there and she had never been more thankful that she had saved every penny she had ever earned since she was five. She was also thankful she had found a good hiding place for it so her parents couldn't steal any of the money. If only she had been able to hide the drugs as well as she had hidden the piggy bank... No! she told herself. She had to stop thinking about that. What had happened had happened and there wasn't anything she could do about it now.

    It was one of those piggy banks that you had to smash open, so she threw it at the floor, and it shattered. A conveniently placed waste basket took care of all the bits of the piggy bank, and she stuffed all of the money but a five dollar bill in her backpack.

    She handed the bill to the man, and he turned around and grabbed a filthy key off a peg that hung behind him.

    He turned back to Lia and handed the key to her. "Go up the stairs to your left and it's room number ten."

    Lia thanked him and hurried up the stairs. On her way up, she wondered why she had gotten the motel room so easily, surely she was too young to get one. But she decided that this place was so run-down and needed the money so badly, that for all anybody cared, an axe murderer could check in.

    The key was actually useless because the door creaked open with a simple touch. She found herself in a small and poorly lit room. The only furniture was a lumpy looking bed and an empty picture frame that hung above it. There were two wooden doors on the right wall and Lia guessed that one was a closet, and judging by the odor emanating from the other door, she guessed that one was the bathroom.

    Lia opened the door she suspected was a closet first. Her guess what right. Hanging from a long metal bar was a long forgotten muddy brown coat that smelled of moth balls. In a corner of the closet was a cloth doll. It was frowning and missing an eye. Lia poked it with her toe and quickly shut the closet door when it started to giggle. She knew it was one of those battery operated dolls, but it gave her the creeps. Lia decided she wasn't going to be opening that door again.

    She opened the bathroom door, but had to shut that immediately because of the revolting stench that was beginning to drift into the room.

    At least she had somewhere to sleep, and the room she had been given wasn't on the side of the motel that had a hole in the roof, so she'd be warm.

    She still didn't feel comfortable. She tentively poked the bed, and after thoroughly inspecting it, she decided it was safe enough. She collapsed onto the lumpy mattress and shut her eyes.