• FACADE STAGEPLAY
    Sun Aug 22 20 26 45 2010

    TRIP
    Where are the new wine glasses?

    GRACE
    What for?

    TRIP
    That should be obvious!

    MICHAEL
    i ******** hate these people

    GRACE
    Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

    TRIP
    Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

    MICHAEL
    so damn annoying

    GRACE
    What -- Trip, don't give me that look!

    MICHAEL
    i need to s**t they talk to much

    GRACE
    You're going to drive me crazy! -- (interrupted)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    TRIP
    Uhp, he's here!

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    GRACE
    What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!

    TRIP
    No, he's supposed to be here now!

    MICHAEL
    open b***h

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    GRACE
    God... Trip!

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    MICHAEL
    ******** open

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (Trip opens the front door.)

    TRIP
    Michael!!

    TRIP
    Ah I'm so happy you could make it! -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    go ******** yourself

    GRACE
    No, no, here we are!

    GRACE
    Michael,

    (MICHAEL knocks on the front door.)

    (MICHAEL closes the front door.)

    GRACE
    Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!

    TRIP
    Yeah, it has been a long time.

    MICHAEL
    why did you invite me

    GRACE
    And I have to say, you look great.

    MICHAEL
    you look sexy yourself

    GRACE
    Michael, that's a... that's -- (interrupted)

    (MICHAEL kisses grace.)

    GRACE
    Oh, yes, let's... (polite kiss on cheek) Aren't you sweet.

    GRACE
    So, come in, make yourself at home... -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    yes i am

    GRACE
    Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

    GRACE
    So, Michael, ha, maybe you can give me your honest opinion about where I went wrong with my new decorating, -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    how about a drink trip?

    TRIP
    Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!

    TRIP
    Oh this perfect because I just bought these classy new cocktail shakers we've got to try out.

    MICHAEL
    i love this apartment

    TRIP
    W -- well, uh, it, it always amazes me, how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace still has the energy to decorate...

    GRACE
    Ha ha, heh, I guess it's just the artist in me dying to get out, ha...

    MICHAEL
    designing ads is easy

    GRACE
    Oh, well, uh...

    GRACE
    (little sigh) So I tried for a certain kind of style in this room...

    GRACE
    but it's... just... not happening. This isn't right.

    TRIP
    Oh no, no... Michael, it -- it's -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    did you paint that? it looks great

    GRACE
    Oh, really?

    TRIP
    Ah, see, Grace, I was right, no one has a problem with your decorating!

    GRACE
    (frustrated complacent sigh) Uhh, well, whatever, I'm going to return most of -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    just kidding its ugly

    GRACE
    What...?

    TRIP
    Ha... Michael, that's why we like you, you're not afraid to give us s**t...

    GRACE
    Ha ha... yeah... (clears throat) Well I think Trip enjoyed that. -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    so hows the sex?

    TRIP
    Ha ha! Oh I think we're going to need some drinks first if we're going to talk about sex.

    MICHAEL
    yes

    GRACE
    Trip, come on, -- (interrupted)

    GRACE
    Yeah.

    TRIP
    So! Drinks!

    TRIP
    We should have something fun,

    TRIP
    like sangria?

    TRIP
    Everybody tells me I fix the best drinks, so I'm sure you're gonna love this.

    GRACE
    We don't need to make a -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    yes

    TRIP
    Beautiful!

    GRACE
    No no,

    GRACE
    Michael, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?

    TRIP
    Oh come on...

    MICHAEL
    no i wouldn't, so shut up

    TRIP
    Alright! That's what I wanted to hear! It'll just take me a short minute here.

    GRACE
    (little sigh) I sometimes wonder if Trip spends so much time fixing drinks to avoid having real conversation with the guests.

    TRIP
    What was that?

    MICHAEL
    trip, you talk to much

    TRIP
    You...

    TRIP
    You think I'm...

    TRIP
    communicative...

    MICHAEL
    yse

    TRIP
    Ho ho ho, ha, heh you're -- you're really joking around tonight, aren't you, ha ha ha...

    MICHAEL
    yes

    GRACE
    Ha ha, yeah...

    TRIP
    Ha, never afraid to push our buttons, ha ha ha, heh... -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    grace you don't talk very much

    GRACE
    Wait...

    GRACE
    You think I'm...

    GRACE
    not... communicative...

    TRIP
    Ah... ha ha... heh heh... ah, you're, uh... you're...

    MICHAEL
    no, i think your NOT beautiful

    GRACE
    Wait, wait -- what is he --

    TRIP
    No, no no, no Grace, ha ha ha, he's having a bit of fun with us tonight, that's all...

    GRACE
    (clears throat)

    MICHAEL
    just kidding!

    TRIP
    (frustrated sigh)

    TRIP
    Um...

    TRIP
    In terms of drinks...

    TRIP
    Grace, what can -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    Well, I was just going to ask Grace what she wants.

    GRACE
    Um, I'd like a simple glass of Chardonnay, thank you.

    MICHAEL
    i need to s**t

    TRIP
    Oh, Chardonnay! -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    No, I -- I know what you want, Grace.

    TRIP
    Okay, well, you and I are getting along better tonight than I first thought, heh heh!

    TRIP
    (little sigh)

    MICHAEL
    nice kitchen

    TRIP
    Ah, -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    Michael, are you -- are you looking for something?

    MICHAEL
    yes

    TRIP
    Okay, anyway... I forget what we were talking about...

    TRIP
    Oh, -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    my drink

    TRIP
    Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix us another drink in not too long...

    (MICHAEL picks up a Grace's drink.)

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    GRACE
    By the way, anybody, -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    Michael, are you okay? You're acting all fidgety.

    MICHAEL
    tastes like dog s**t

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    TRIP
    Well I'll just put this on the bar for you.

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    TRIP
    Um... uhh, Now, Michael, in one word, what does this picture say to you?

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    GRACE
    Say to you... say to you... yes, good question, good question. -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    romance

    TRIP
    Right! Love! Romance!

    GRACE
    Romance? Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for manipulation.

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    TRIP
    Grace, it'd been such a long time since we'd... had a chance to -- -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    hey Drip

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    GRACE
    Yeah -- no -- Trip tricked me into going!

    (MICHAEL sips his Grace's drink.)

    GRACE
    And you knew I planned to attend my friend's art show that weekend!

    GRACE
    A very good friend from college had a gallery show of his new paintings that weekend, and I missed it! -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    What?

    MICHAEL
    ha i bet you love Italy you queer

    (MICHAEL puts down a Grace's drink.)

    GRACE
    Ugh, God, no more talk about Italy tonight, please... (frustrated sigh)

    (MICHAEL picks up a player's drink.)

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    TRIP
    Uhh, you're driving me insane! -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    italy italy italy

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    GRACE
    What? What are you saying to me?

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    GRACE
    Goddamn romance...

    GRACE
    Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling! -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    grace quit bitching

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    GRACE
    Huh? What is this you're saying?

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    TRIP
    (little impatient sigh) -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    stop talking

    GRACE
    Okay, I hear you, I hear you...

    TRIP
    These goddamn... explanations...

    MICHAEL
    just get a divorce

    (MICHAEL sips his player's drink.)

    TRIP
    You're never satisfied with anything! You're never happy, never -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    Hey, no, it's just going to make this whole thing even worse if you keep criticizing me!

    (MICHAEL puts down a player's drink.)

    GRACE
    Romance... goddamn...

    GRACE
    How am I supposed to be happy and in love when you keep trying to act romantic and funny and all that bullshit? How?

    TRIP
    Oh, come on...!

    MICHAEL
    trip, i love the drinks

    GRACE
    Alright, you know what, Michael,

    GRACE
    I'm going to ask you something.

    TRIP
    Grace --

    GRACE
    Trip, let me ask our guest a question.

    GRACE
    Michael, yes or no...

    GRACE
    When you get married, you're just supposed to forgive and forget everything bad that happened before that, right?

    TRIP
    What?

    GRACE
    I mean, that's what you must to do in a marriage -- forgive, yes? -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    Sometimes

    TRIP
    What...?!

    TRIP
    Oh, yeah, that's fine... that's fine...

    TRIP
    Uhh, Grace, any time I talk about our wedding, or our engagement, you hate it, hate it! How do you think that makes me feel? What am I supposed to think, Grace?

    MICHAEL
    in your case, its a load of bull s**t

    GRACE
    Oh, I can't believe...!

    MICHAEL
    i hate you guys

    GRACE
    Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!

    GRACE
    I can't take you anymore!

    MICHAEL
    ******** this party

    GRACE
    Dammit, Trip!

    GRACE
    Hold on, wait, what, are you trying to explain this to me?

    TRIP
    What? Are you talking about me in there?

    MICHAEL
    i love you graced

    GRACE
    I wasn't talking about you!

    GRACE
    Michael, we're not normally like this, I don't know what's going on... -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    grace, marry me

    TRIP
    Michael, in what you said before, about being in sync... I think that shows us something about Grace.

    GRACE
    Oh, we're talking about me, are we?

    TRIP
    What?

    TRIP
    Michael, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.

    GRACE
    Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this. -- (interrupted)

    MICHAEL
    im gay for you

    TRIP
    No?

    (MICHAEL kisses trip.)

    GRACE
    Ah, thank you, that helps him. Trip, -- (interrupted)

    TRIP
    Alright, Michael, that's it, you've got to leave.

    MICHAEL
    lol

    MICHAEL
    ******** my life

    TRIP
    I'm sorry, but, uhh, I don't know what the deal is with you tonight.

    (Trip opens the front door.)

    MICHAEL
    hey b***h, i got your d***o

    TRIP
    We'll be fine -- you just have to go.

    (Trip closes the front door.)

    MICHAEL
    wow ******** off dumb a**