• ♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠

    What a Strange Cat You Have (Or as a Mentally Healthy Person Would Say, Chapter Two)


    Alice was being tortured, but this, of course, went unnoticed by those around her, as they were also being tortured and were much too concerned with their own suffering to spare a moment's thought on her.

    Now, before you start panicking and weeping uncontrollably for Alice's well being, you must first let me explain. Really, you shouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly, it makes myself, as the author feel like a monster. You don't honestly think I would put Alice in such a position of danger so early in the story, do you? Of course I wouldn't. Alice's life doesn't get threatened until later in our story. Doesn't that make you feel better?

    Our dear Alice isn't in the dungeon of some great castle, nor is she in serious physical pain. The torture she is being forced to endure is endured by many brave students in middle school every day. This torture, my dear reader, is the torture of lectures.

    As you probably know, lectures were created a very long time ago, and thought by some to be the earliest form of torture. These so called lectures were invented by adults as a way to torture small children that they didn't particularly like. In these 'lectures' and adult drones on and on about useless “facts” that the children are expected to memorize, as the adult talks too fast.

    As I'm sure you can imagine, the parents of these children were horrified to learn that their children were being subjected to such horrific deeds, and at once demanded to have these cruel adults punished.

    Unfortunately, these cruel adults were actually rather clever, and convinced the parents that the children needed to endure this gruesome task for the sake of their “education”. The gullible parents fell hook, line, and sinker for this ridiculous excuse and the first school was made.

    Unluckily for Alice, the lecture she was being forced to endure is one of the most infamous and arguably one of the worst and is known as, “The English lecture.”

    aZ yUu CuN tUlL fRuM dIs SeNtUnSe HaFeNg GoOdE gRaMuR eNd SpUlInG aEnT dA lEeSt BbIt EmPeRtEnT eNd EeT dUnT bOdDeR nO oNeE hOo EeZ aDdEmPtEnG tOo ReEdE yUuR rItEnG mAkEnG zUcH lEsUnS uZeLuSs, EnD uH jEnErAl DiZzGrAsSe TwO rItEnG eVeReEwErE.

    Most children are forced to keep themselves awake during these lectures, but luckily for Alice, she has Wonderland, and she managed to slip away.

    She arrived in the same place she had the first time she came upon Wonderland.

    The grass was still green, the sky was still blue, and the air was still warm. The weather was always like this, forever blissful and care-free.

    She watched as a rocking horse fly, a peculiar creature that looked like a miniature rocking horse with the long, slender wings of a horsefly, rocked itself over to the large oak tree, only to be frightened away as an unseen owl hoot!ed angrily, upset at being disturbed from its slumber.

    The Mad Hatter was sitting at the table, which was still covered with a creamy yellow table cloth, and he was sipping tea from his oversized tea cup hat.

    Everything was the same as that first day. In fact, the only thing that seemed to have changed was The Hatter was dressed in red polka dots, instead of stripes.

    Alice wasn't so easily fooled, however. She knew more had changed than simply The Hatter's outfit, she could feel it, and she rushed over by his side, plopping herself down on the chair adjacent to him so she could find out what was new.

    Alice looked up at him, and she could tell he had something he wanted to say, and was very excited about it.

    He was also trying to hide it and failing miserably.

    As you probably know, it is oftentimes very difficult to maintain a calm expression when one has a surprise for another and desperately wants to tell them it.

    The Hatter was actually doing very well, by normal standards at least.

    He wore a perfectly casual face, and if you or I saw him while walking down the street, sitting as he was now, I'm certain we would both be quite frightened to see an alarmingly pale and oddly dressed man sitting on thin air in the middle of the sidewalk, but we would also be under the impression that he was bored.

    Alice knew better.

    Whenever The Hatter was bored, he was giddy and often started talking to himself as a way of amusement. He never wore the nondescript expression he had now.

    Alice could see right through his seemingly bored guise, of course, but decided to play along and act as though she suspected nothing. The trouble with this was that she wasn't a very good actress and The Hatter instantly saw through her disguise as well.

    They simply sat for a moment, neither of them talking, and just stared at each other for a while.

    The Hatter continued to look boredly onward, and Alice bit the insides of her cheeks to prevent her lips from curving upward into a smile.

    They only lasted another minute or two before finally succumbing and laughing like lunatics, which, of course, they were.

    But, eventually everyone must breathe, no matter how hard they have been laughing, so in between giggles and gulps of air, Alice asked The Hatter what had happened.

    The Hatter stood up, and placed his oversized tea cup hat on his head. With a wide grin, he spoke. “I got a cat.”

    Alice smiled brightly at The Hatter and clapped her hands together in delight, a trait she had earned from him. “That's wonderful!” she exclaimed. “Where is it?”

    The Hatter's grin grew wider. “He's been sitting next to you this entire time.”

    Alice immediately directed her attention to the space next to her, only to find that it was empty.

    She looked at The Hatter quizzically, but he simply made a gesture to the space next to her again, and to her great surprise, a row of teeth, suspended midair into a grin sat next to her.

    She watched in open mouthed astonishment as the rest of the cat filled in. Its golden yellow eyes, its pure white whiskers its silver stripes, and then the rest of its pitch black fur.

    “Alice,” said The Hatter. “Meet The Chesire Cat.”

    “It's a pleasure to meet you,” said Alice with a little bow of her head and a quick curtsy.

    “The pleasure is all mine,” reassured The Cat with a deep, rumbling purr.

    Alice grinned. When The Hatter had mentioned a cat, naturally she expected to find your average house cat with the ability to talk wondering somewhere in the grass, playing with a dandelion. After meeting The March Hare, Alice had grown used to the idea of talking animals, but she certainly didn't expect to see the grinning, vanishing, and Cheshire variety. Something perfectly understandable, seeing as there are so few Cheshire Cats left in the world, and most people go their entire lives without seeing one.

    The Cat lazily drifted above the creamy yellow table cloth and took a tea cup, holding it with its two front paws, and if you have ever been a cat, than I'm sure you know how difficult this is to do in such a form.

    Alice, The Mad Hatter, and The Cheshire Cat engaged in a pleasant and generally average conversation while sipping their tea consisting of how the weather was, how they were all doing, and how pie and cheesecake were very tasty desserts indeed.

    There was a short silence as they all continued to drink their tea and had fourth and fifth helpings of cheesepie, an ingenious delicacy The Hatter had made himself upon the three of them deciding that the only thing better than cheesecake or pie would be the two combined together, when suddenly The Chesire Cat slowly began to unravel.

    Alice watched as the silver tip of his tail began to unwind, leaving empty space behind. The Hatter watched as the rest of the black fur unraveled, disappearing into a dark mist, and they both watched as The Cat's eyes, nose, and whiskers dissolved.

    All that was left was a great mischievous grin and a tea cup, left floating around in midair as if it had a will of its own.

    “Mr. Cat?” asked Alice uncertainly. Having just met The Cat, she still wasn't anywhere near used to his appearing and disappearing and it made her feel a bit unsettled, along with giving her a half empty feeling in the pit of her stomach, as if The Cat was only an illusion made from mist and with a simple gust of wind, she might disappear as well.

    The Cat came back together all at once and blushed a bit in embarrassment, something that would be a cause for medical attention and general panic in a normal house cat, but completely normal for a Cheshire Cat, although the blush was a bit hard to see through The Cat's thick fur.

    “I apologize,” purred the cat. “That tends to happen when my thoughts drift away, I always seem to drift away with them. I've been dissolving and coming back my entire life and I still can't completely control it.”

    Alice smiled sympathetically at The Cat. “I'm sure that must be very difficult, but you'll get used to it eventually.”

    “That's likely,” snickered The Hatter, he started laughing but stopped when The Cat gave him a hurt look. “But it's a very useful skill of course, and with practice I'm sure you'll perfect it,” he quickly added.

    “Thank you,” half purred half growled The Cat.

    The Hatter raised an eyebrow. “Was that growl directed at me by any chance?”

    The Cat grinned mischievously. “How did you guess?”

    “Just a feeling,” replied The Hatter.

    The Cheshire Cat winked at Alice before slowly beginning to dissolve again.

    “No you don't!” shouted The Hatter. “I'll pour this tea on your head!” he announced loudly while holding his over sized tea cup menacingly above The Cat's dissolving head.

    All three of them laughed.

    “Hatter,” said The Cat. “You must have gone mad because as you can clearly see, the tea is in a cup, and you can't pour something out of a cup when it has been designed to hold it. That's simple logic.”

    “I haven't gone mad,” insisted The Hatter. “I was born mad.”

    The Cat chuckled softly before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

    Alice turned to The Hatter. “Does he do that often?”

    “Yes,” he replied. “It's even worse at night, he blends in with everything so well, but you know how Wonderland is at night, of course.”

    Alice shook her head. “I don't believe I've ever visited Wonderland at night. I've only stayed for a couple of hours at a time.”

    “Well, we're going to change that,” announced The Hatter. “Now that I think of it, there's so much of Wonderland you haven't seen. There's certainly much more than this table and its immediate surroundings.”

    Alice's eyes brightened up. “Could we go exploring? Like an adventure?”

    “Of course,” said The Hatter. “I'd be insulted if we didn't.

    The Cheshire Cat chose that moment to reappear next to Alice lying on it's back in midair.

    “Exploring?” he asked. “Why, I certainly hope you weren't planning on doing that without me.”

    The Mad Hatter merely gave The Cheshire Cat a mischievous smile that could only be surpassed by The Cat's own grin, and the three of them set off to go explore exactly what was beyond the table and its immediate surroundings.