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Yousef El-laham
Ms. Ziegelmyer
English 10 H Period 2
16 September 2010
The Screaming Cicadas of Hinamizawa
Chapter One: Omen
Note: This fanfiction is based on the original story written by the 07th Expansion, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni otherwise known as When They Cry.
1989
I was waiting for the sentence, the court was ready to make their decision. After leaving Japan I had been transferred to face sentencing in North America, the Americans believed Tokyo was not taking the matter serious enough, so I was transferred to a court of the United States. I waited slowly and patiently in the courtroom, and surprisingly not a single person was there.
The judge finally arrived in the court room with a disgusted look on his face. I could not bare to stop looking at the judge, because I knew that if I looked away for one second I would be able to see him. The source to all my misfortune, the source to all my suffering, and the source to all my emotional pain.
The session began and the judge asked me to stand. “Ryu Hakai you are charged with the murder of five individuals in the village of Hinamizawa, in the country of Japan. Would you like to defend your case?”
It was a very stupid question that came with an obvious answer. I did not have the will any longer to defend myself, nor did I have the strength. I looked into the corner of my eye and as I had figured he was watching me. I looked at the judge “No, your honor, I am guilty of all these murders. I cannot defend myself”. I smirked as the judged slammed his gavel. I looked behind me and he was still watching me, enjoying my suffering. I looked away, tears streamed down my cheek and finally I was taken to jail.
My prison-mates could not believe my story when I had told them what had really happened in Hinamizawa, the truth behind the five murders that had absolutely nothing to do with me. The true mastermind of all this was not me; it was him, Oyashiro.
I was only seventeen when I moved to the mysterious village of Hinamizawa. The village seemed to be normal. However, among the three great families who run the village, a secret lurks about a curse that has been haunting the village for five years. How about I paint a better picture for you? Let me share with you my experience of the mysterious curse of Hinamizawa. Join me as we travel to the never ending abyss of my own psychological insanity.
Three Years Earlier
It was almost day break when I arrived to my new home in Hinamizawa. The air was cool and as I walked into the yard of the house we could hear the cry of the cicadas. It was an omen, it felt as if something was wrong the moment we had arrived. It was a feeling of absolute horror. I did not know what was most terrifying about it though. Could it have been the old empty house, the dark lifeless trees, or the silence of life to the point where all you could hear were the screaming cicadas? It was terrifying, and it was beyond all haunted imagination.
Believing I was brave I entered my new house alone. As soon I stepped in the floor, creaked loudly. It was not a very good first impression and it freaked me out a bit. The house was dark, even with the lighting, you could tell without smelling that the air was not right. Slowly but surely I was walking up the stairs in front of me and just as I had expected they creaked as well, except louder and creepier.
Eventually I had made it into my room, and that was when I finally came to the conclusion that we were living in a haunted house. The reality was that even the tiny cicadas outside the house were trying to warn me about something. I knew that there was something wrong as soon as I got here.
My room was to me the creepiest room in the house. It was like a room you would find in a scary movie, dark with small lighting and dark colored wood on the floor. It was definitely going to be hard getting used to sleeping on a futon in the middle of this room.
I went back down stairs and noticed my older sister had finally arrived. Her named was Alina and she was a college student. It made me comfortable to know she was here because she was a little dark and gothic herself. She usually wore black, and had black hair with blue highlights.
She looked at me and tried to hold a smile “Hey little brother, it's been awhile”.
I looked at her hands and they were trembling
At that moment had realized, I was not the only one freaked out by this haunted house and this village. By the tone of her voice, and the nervousness in her eye I could tell Alina was also somewhat terrified, and that was saying something. Alina is one bravest people I know, and I never expected anything to make her tremble in fear as I saw her tremble at that time. “Alina is something the matter?”
She looked to the ground and I noticed that tears were streaming down her cheek. She wiped them off and looked up at me, “Ryu the only reason I am here away from college is because there is something I need to warn you about...you of all people”.
She needed to warn me about something? My superstitious mind was opening more and more by the minutes that had passed by, ever since I stepped out of the car to look at this house and now my fearless sister drove from college to warn me about something? Something was definitely not right and from the beginning I sensed that.
Alina grabbed my hand and she took me outside, and we both sat together on the porch steps. “Ryu, this village is not a safe place”,she whispered in my ear.
I turned and loooked at her “Alina why are you whis....”
She covered my mouth.
She whispered in my ear again “Ryu, keep quiet, he is watching us right this second” Another tear streamed down her cheek.
- Title: The Screaming Cicadas Chpt. 1
- Artist: Ryu_Hakai
- Description: The original title of this story is "The Original Cicadas of Hinamizawa" and is to be believed by mwa that it's one of my best pieces. However I still need some opinions and if your into higurashi or insanity then read this lovely fan fiction :D.
- Date: 09/23/2010
- Tags: higurashinonakukoroni whentheycry psychological mystery
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Comments (7 Comments)
- 4Shame - 04/21/2011
- It was a decent story but the grammar really deters me from wanting to read more. You should review the use of commas and try to shorten your sentences or just break them into more sentences instead of having a really long run on. There is definitely a lot of potential and I really would have liked to get more descriptions and a wider spread of vocabulary. Apart from that, this was an interesting piece ^^
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- Saxgrrrl - 04/11/2011
- I'm sorry, but I just could not get into it. I wanted to: The subject matter is incredibly interesting. I was thinking about it, and your syntactical style reminded me a lot of my own 7th grade writing, no offense. Actually, besides it being a bit immature for my own taste, it could truly be interesting. The writing style was immature, not the story.
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- DSDragon star - 04/06/2011
- Now that's a interesting story !!! Now you got me wanting to know what happens . Man !!! For a scary story . Wow !!! First one that impressed me . Awesome job .
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- Kitsune Voss - 04/05/2011
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First of all you need to watch your use of comma's. some of the sentences start to get a bit long and it might be better to split them into entirely separate.
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- Nalax97 - 04/04/2011
- I like this and I could become attached. The grammar is still a problem, sadly, but if you want me too I can help you with that. I am a proud beta writer and I would love too help! I can be a bit of a grammar and spelling freak so I am sure I could help you weed out your story. ;3
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- izzyyouokay - 01/18/2011
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5/5
Grammer of course is one thing to think about, but other than that..
It's great. :3
One of the best on here. - Report As Spam
- Chrona Panda - 12/27/2010
- its in first person a lot. other than that i believe it is a good story. i hope you continue to wrote stories.
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