July 30th 2010
My mind kept going back to him. Maybe it was the song, the deep, unique, handsome voice. That feeling was bad. The one that I couldn’t choose between good or bad. What was this feeling?
“What does it feel like?” Phase asked from the floor. I glanced down at him. He was laying on his back, one arm behind his head as the other hand rested lightly on his stomach. A white shirt was fitted to his torso. Its thick fabric keeping me from seeing his skin underneath. Dark black jeans hid his lower body. With cool gray eyes rolled up, staring at me, I couldn’t hide the blush. No matter what, I’d always find Phase attractive.
“Excitement,” I said softly, voice almost a whisper. My head fell back, resting on the old metal bed frame as my neck strained. I closed my eyes and thought, examined my feelings, my body with my mind. “You know that feeling of excitement mixed with a kind of can’t wait twinge?” My hand moved to my throat and I traced my fingers slowly down my skin. “It almost feels like a certain hunger, a need. I’m not use to it. I don’t recognize it.. And I don’t understand it.”
“Do you hate it?” The curiosity was thick in his voice. I kept my eyes closed. Did I hate it?
That’s the problem. I couldn’t decide if I liked it. Hated it. Wanted it. If it was good. Bad. What exactly it was. And the more I thought about it the more I convinced myself that I was doing this to myself on purpose. His question still lingered.
I did the only thing I could. A smile spread across my slightly dry lips and I opened my eyes slowly, staring at the ceiling. “Do you believe in luck?” I answered his question with a question of my own.
“What?” The question threw him. I could tell he was sitting up now. Phase’s voice sounded closer.
“Do you believe in luck, Phase?” I sat up myself then. Picking my head up off the metal frame. I met his gray eyes. I reached into my left pant pocket and withdrew a small rubber object. I held it up before me between my thumb and forefinger. I stared at the white rubber rat, its pink tail and feet. “Lucky rat,” my voice was a whisper.
“It seems like you believe in luck,” he picked himself up off the floor and moved toward the bed. Plucking the small rat from between my fingers, he held it up and examined it. A look of concentration masked his face, hiding his real thoughts. I snorted. “Where is the luck hidden at in this little toy?” The question made me raise an eyebrow. I finally took it back as he moved it to his mouth, teeth ready to bite. I frowned.
“If you carry around this ’lucky rat’, yes, you do. And what of your lucky coin that you stupidly gave to Hans?” The snarl in Phase’s voice almost made me giggle. So much hatred toward Hans… so much. Other than that comment, he had a point.
“I guess I do. Or I try to..” I sighed. “I’m tired. So tired.”
“Go to bed?”
“Mike and Wendy are still over.” I flexed my shoulders and yawned. Why are people so god damn loud?
“Just go get washed up then come back upstairs. It isn’t that hard.” Phase nodded toward the door. He had a point. Get some water. Brush my teeth. Wash my face.. Then back upstairs. Simple.
I picked up my hooded jacket and put it back on. “Fine, let’s go.” I slid off the bed and limped carefully to the door. Bed sounded so good.
My teeth were clean, face fresh. I moved around my room, slowly removing one piece of clothing at a time. “Let’s watch a movie and go to bed,” was all I said as I got everything ready. Phase said nothing and crawled into bed. I smiled. Perfect. “Movie time.”
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