• I tapped my pen against my black binder, thinking. I thought about how I was supposed to tell Nathan. I opened my binder to a fresh sheet of binder paper, but wasted more time staring at it. I slowly wrote, I'm leaving. I shoved the binder toward Nathan for him to read it.
    He scribble with his left hand, What's that mean?
    I wrote back, I'm leaving California.
    He looked at my face, trying to make eye contact, but I kept my eyes glued to the paper and his hand, waiting for him to write.
    Why?
    I gulped back the lump in my throat. Please don't act surprised. You know I move a lot. It's because my mom and her stupid boyfriend. They've been fighting, and now she wants to get away from him.
    Minutes, of what seemed like minutes, passed while Nathan sat there, staring at me and back at the paper, rereading.
    But you're almost eighteen, Alice. Why can't you stay here? Why do you have to go?
    That's the problem. I'm not eighteen yet. I still have a year before I'm legal. I want to stay with you more than ever, but they're my family, Nathan. Even if I did, where would I stay? I can't change anything. This is how it's going to be.
    The thought of Nathan coming with me wasn't a possibility. Even though he was eighteen, he had school to finish. I was the f**k-up who dropped out of school.
    Nathan didn't write back. But he lifted my face with his fingers so that I'd look at him. He whispered, "Alice, I never want you to leave me, but now it's happening and neither one of us can fix it. I love you more than I can even explain. Okay? Remember that, okay?"
    My teeth were shaking and my chest was caving in, squishing my heart, breaking it. I couldn't speak, so I nodded quickly. He surprised me by kissing me. It was soft and gentle, like he knew I would see him again before I left. I knew that was true, too, but I never wanted to leave him. I was just overwhelmed . . . by everything.

    A couple months later, my family had everything packed. I sat on my mom's ex's couch, drawing a flower with falling petals. My mom and brother were gone, picking out take-out food for the night. The ex was out at work, but it's not like I cared. I never liked him. After my real father's suicide, my mother never knew how to handle relationships. The only real man she loved in her life was my baby brother, who's ten.
    My music was blasting around the house, so I sang along. I've always gotten mixed comments about my singing voice so after I while, I just stopped giving a f**k what people thought about it. I sang because that's something I love doing.
    I heard this knock-knock-knock on the door. It obviously wasn't my mom, because she has the key. I stood up in my pajama shorts and tank top. I thought maybe I should grab a sweater really quick but I didn't. I slowly opened the door, sticking my head out. My heart almost fell out of my body when I saw Nathan. He stood there in front of my house with an awkward smile and thumbs in his jean pockets.
    "Can we go inside?"
    I smiled, "Yes."
    He walked in carefully, taking in the house without my families things.
    "Different, huh?"
    He nodded then stretched his back. His arms were spread in front of him toward me. He had on his devious grin, moving his fingers in a gesture to pull my forward. I moved closer half-laughing at him. He put his hands on my cheeks, pulling my forehead against his. He kissed my hard and sweet. I kissed back because I loved Nathan more than anything. I hand my hands on his forearms, and my body against his. God knows how much I love this boy. Finally, we took a breath, looking at each other.
    "I'll miss you."
    He put his hands on my shoulders and made his way down to my lower back. "Alice." He kissed my cold nose, my cheekbone, and nibbled my earlobe. My eyes started watering. The thought of not being held, touched, loved, and cared for like this was making me hurt. "I love you, I need you, I want you, I breathe for you, I care about you, I live for you. I'll miss you more than I'd miss my own life. Promise me that you'll come back to me? That even if you don't, you'll call me, write me, something? Please." His voice has fading out, shaking.
    Tears boiled down my cheeks. It felt like each tear burned my skin. But Nathan was quick to wipe them away for me. I looked into his beautiful hazel eyes, knowing I wouldn't see them in person for a while. "Of course, Nathan. I can't forget about you. I can't live without you. Of course I'm coming back." I smiled through my tears. I'd keep my word for him. He was my everything.