Chapter 1 The Princess’ Despair
Once upon a time there was a gorgeous and remote island called Kentania. Well, it was gorgeous besides the vast amounts of rain that the sky produced. To get back to the point, in this land was a beautiful princess named Melony. Her favorite thing to do was paint. She painted all day and nearly all night until she fell asleep leaning on an easel with a paintbrush tucked behind her ear.
Now the king, King Timothy and his wife Dawn were growing very old. Queen Dawn could produce no more children, no sons to pass the kingdom down to. So that night, it was September 4th; the King ordered one of his servants to gather Melony to the throne room. Not only were the King and Queen nearing their old age, but Melony was nearing her 18th birthday. Melony gracefully walked to the room where her father and mother sat on their throne. “You called for me father?” Melony asked, her long golden hair flowing from her head.
“Yes Melony.” The king replied in his deep tone. “You know your mother can produce no more offspring, no more sons for that matter. So Melony, since your adulthood is nearing, it is time that you got married.” He said firmly.
“Oh, but father I don’t want to get married! I want to devote my life to my paintings!”
“There will be no objections Melony!!!” he said rather frustrated.
“Yes father” she said quietly bowing her head in sadness and fright. She fast-walked to her room partly in anger, partly in fright and partly just because she felt like she was going to cry. Up in her tower bedroom she opened the windows and took an enormous breath of rain-kissed air.
She rang for her assigned maid Josephine. As Josephine prepared hot water and towels for her nightly bath, Melony desperately thought of what she was going to do. After her bath, she lay on her royal bed, over the covers for she was too hot to sleep. She tossed and turned all night.
The next morning Melony entered the dining hall with immense bags under her eyes. Only her mother sat at the table for reasons Melony did not yet know. “Where is father?” she questioned. “Oh love, he is much too busy writing the proclamation for your husband try-outs. “She replied flatly.
“Oh, I see” she said in a mouse-quiet voice
“What was that dear?”
“Oh nothing.” Said Melony.
Silently Melony chewed her delicious breakfast, which was prepared by master chefs. But it didn’t taste gourmet in her sorrow. Now, the milk seemed sour, the eggs flavorless, the bacon chewy and the pancakes lumpy. She could not enjoy anything now.
She piled a bit of her breakfast onto another plate and slowly walked through her father’s door. He didn’t seem to notice because he was still shouting “You, the receiver of the invitation are invited to a… no no no scratch that out Simon” The King’s most respected servant obeyed his every command.
“Father?” Melony said. He still blabbed on. “Father?” she asked a little louder. “FATHER” she shouted.
“Oh my Melony there is no need to shout” he said.
“I brought you breakfast father” she said kindly, trying to get him in a good mood.
“Oh, thank you Melony.” He said. The King loved food.
“Umm, father I was uh wondering, if maybe, could you, could we delay the time of the try-outs?” she said timidly.
“Melony, I will hear no more of it or I will choose your husband myself!” he practically shouted. This time Melony ran, and this time it was her pure frustration and anger that powered her.
“How could he be so, so, so so unfeeling and so DIFFICULT!!!” she thought. She stormed into her room where her maids were making her lovely bed. Soon a whole crowd of servants had developed around her as Melony told of her frustration.
“Well, as I see it if you’ll excuse me milady there’s nothing you can do about it!” Josephine said in her heavy accent.
Kirsten piped up “There’s bound to be at least one good man out there for ya’”
“Yes, for every girl there is a boy” chimed in Amelia.
“Of course of course” agreed Lindsey.
“Yeah, how ‘bout that Lord William ain’t he a hottie girls!” chanted Mariah
The maids murmured their agreement.
“Yes a hottie, and rude, and disgusting, and unfaithful. He has every girl in the village convinced. Including yourselves.” All the girls sighed dreamily. All except Josephine.
Later that night, Melony snuck out through her tower window and down the pine tree that grew by it. She crossed the courtyard and ran all the way through the woods to Vladislav’s house. She had a plan.
Chapter 2 Vladislav’s Wish
Vladislav lay silently on his bed with a content smile on his face. He was dreaming and boy it was a great dream. He was dreaming of Melony. He had always loved Melony but knew he could never impress her nor her father. Let’s just say, he wasn’t exactly prince charming. He was short, with scraggily blonde hair. He was a Russian immigrant and he had turned out to be a poor peasant. He was apprentice to his father, a tailor, but what he really wanted to be was a blacksmith. His sleep was interrupted by a tapping on the window and a muffled call for his name. “Vladislav! Vladislav!”
The moonlight streamed through his small window but in his eyes it was quite dim compared to the face in front of it. Melony and Vladislav had been friends since childhood yet they had not yet thought of marrying.
Vladislav was so surprised that when he jumped from his bed, he tumbled to the ground. Vladislav rose with the sheet over his head making him look like a Sheppard. He shot one of those “trying to impress the woman” smiles at Melony making her burst into muffled laughter.
Vladislav opened the creaky window and Melony asked if he had a ninja outfit. “A ninja outfit?!” he laughed. “No, but I do happen to have a black cloak and this sword I randomly made in secret” he said.
“Oh, thank you so much Vladislav” Melony gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and ran off into the night, her cloak flapping behind her. “What a woman” Vladislav thought. The cheek that she kissed burning with happiness.
Melony, lurking behind the bushes was waiting for something. She was waiting for an unsuspecting servant to walk out the door with mail. Invitations to the husband try-outs. Out the man came and Melony jumped out of the shadows. “Leave here immediately. Go back into the castle now.” She said as low as she possibly could.
The mailman stepped back and was so frightened that he threw his mail up and ran to the door. His key was not working as he jiggled it aggressively. He turned around and there was no one to be seen. Neither was his mail.
Chapter 3 The King’s birthday surprise
It was September 11th and Melony’s birthday. Josephine knocked at the princess’ door. “There’s a problem down at the throne milady. She followed Josephine to the bottom floor where the throne was. There was nothing there. It was vacant and rather dark. Suddenly the King and Queen and every last servant burst out singing Happy Birthday to Melony. “For she’s a jolly good fellow, for she’s a jolly good fellow, for she’s a jolly good fellow, that nobody can deny” they all sang. The cooks were holding plates of cookies, all different kinds, and twice as many of Melony’s favorites. She hated cake.
Later that evening, 6:00, the king was very distressed. He had sent the invitations hadn’t he? Then why were no handsome men from all Kentania arriving here in his kingdom. Now he was simply furious.
Meanwhile, Peter the messenger had realized something and was very concentrated on that particular matter. He recognized that voice, but who’s was it? Hmmm… Simon? No. Vladislav? No. The King himself?! Definitely not. Melony.
The King had also realized something. Peter was in quite a bit of trouble. Both of them rushed toward each other, not realizing the other was. They bumped into each other. The King picked up Peter by the shirt collar. “What have you done with the invitations.” He said behind gritted teeth. The King was so ragingly mad that Peter expected smoke to come out of his ears and fire out of his nostrils.
“Well um about that” Peter chuckled nervously.”THERE WAS A NINJA WHO THREATENED TO KILL ME AND I KNOW YOU WOULDN’T WANT ME DEAD SO I..I..I”
“Stop right there” the man fumed. I know who did this.” Peter was relieved because the king nearly choked him to death.
He stormed up the stairs to Melony’s room. She was happily painting the beautiful scenery of pine trees out her window. He practically threw open the door. “MELONY YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS THAT I PASS ON THE THRONE!!! STOP AVOIDING REALITY!!!YOU ARE TO MARRY LORD WILLIAM!!!” he shouted. He was so angry that Melony too expected him to look like a fire-breathing dragon. Instead, his anger got the better of him. He knocked down every painting in the room and spilled her things all over the floor. Paint and water went flying through the air. He left Melony more shocked then sad. But then her emotions caught up with her and she ran to the woods.
Chapter 4 Lord William’s disappointment
Carmen, another peasant boy, was chopping wood in the meadow. Unlike Vladislav, his passion was to be a lumberjack. Also unlike Vladislav, he had his mind set on Josephine. He was so caught up in dreaming about her that a heavy log fell on his foot. He did an awkward one-legged dance in pain. It had a song to go with it!!! “Ow, ow, ow that kind of hurt.” Suddenly he heard a rustling in the leaves. He hid behind a nearby pine tree.
Melony tripped over an overgrown tree root but it didn’t matter because she had intended to fall on her knees anyways. She cupped her face over her hands as tears fled from her eyes. Another rustling followed the first. Carmen’s eyes could have been hearts, it was Josephine. “Oh love, don’t let his temper upset you. He’s just a little frustrated right now.”
“I know that… but I…I… wasn’t expecting it… to get that bad.” She said choking on her own tears.
A third rustling came. This time it wasn’t an attractive woman. If it was a woman it was one ugly woman. 3 ugly women. Lord William. Vladislav and Carmen called him Lord Big Butt behind his big butt but around his big butt they had to bite their tongues and shut their big mouths. “I want you to marry me.” Said Lord Big- er I mean Lord William.
He presented a cake to her which he did not make himself.(He stole it from Costco Marketplace) “Why would I marry you?” she asked. “And I hate cake” she added.
“Don’t you lay one finger on her or you’re goanna wish you was never even born.” Jo added.
“Stuff the cake in their big fat mouths!” he said fuming. His colleagues followed his command and threw them in potato sacks. “Now back to the castle!!!” he barked.
Carmen wanted to shove the cake up Lord William’s big fat butt. Though he knew he couldn’t carry two women and take on 3 men, so he got some help from Vladislav.
Chapter 5 The Rewarding Rescue
Vladislav found the sword Melony had returned and Carmen brought along his axe. Both men were dead serious now. If you are a man with a woman you understand. Challenge 1. There were small cut-outs in the bottom of the castle. Each was only 5 ft. tall. And each was only a body size wide. Carmen was over 6 ft. tall and though he was rather strong, he was not flexible. Vladislav was just short enough to limbo through the cut-outs.
“Once you get up there find a way for me to get up.” Vladislav climbed all the way up the castle stairs until he reached the window.
“Alright, I’m goanna throw you my sword. Climb!” said Vladislav loudly. He dropped the sword and it went skimming through the air. It stuck easily to the rich soil.
One step after another, he used the ax and sword to make his way up the castle to Vladislav. Finally, though he was sweating like a pig, Carmen made it to the top.
Meanwhile…”C’mon paint you useless thing you!!!” shouted William. “And why aren’t you fetching me anything I say!!!” he added.
“I won’t paint because you haven’t provided the right tools.” She stalled calmly.
“And I won’t serve you because you are the ugliest and most rude deceitful creature that crawls on this earth!” Josephine said stubbornly.
Just then Vladislav and Carmen ran in. They were just in time to see Josephine getting swatted. “Don’t you dare treat my woman that way you disgusting pig-face rear end of a cow!!!” said Carmen.
Carmen shoved the axe handle up his big butt. You know what I’m thinkin’? That sounds like it hurt.
“And this is for messing with my girlfriend!!!” said Vladislav, punching him in the face and knocking a few of his perfect teeth out.
Both men took their women and ran up the stairs to victory. Melony looked into Vladislav’s eyes, and he looked into hers. It was that moment in which there was something beautiful, something powerful. The kiss of true love.
“You sure taught that man some justice. You sure kicked his big butt.” Said Josephine in her thick accent.
“Josephine……..will you marry me?” he asked.
She looked up at him and did something that I’m pretty sure gave him his answer.
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