• It was a cold day in the sleepy (YES SLEEPY, IF YOU’VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY CLICHÉ PUT THIS STORY DOWN NOW.... GO ON, NO-ONE’S GOING TO STOP YOU... IS HE GONE? GOOD) now where was I? It was a cold day in the sleepy town of Redroot and Dorgoth was asleep. Dorgoth was always asleep. I could have started this story on any number of days but I need to introduce a couple of the characters, so I think I’ll start on this day.
    As Dorgoth slept a strange glow appeared before him. Had Dorgoth been awake and indulging himself in better pleasures, like cutting himself or eating his dog he would have seen his friend Simon (probably the worst wizard in the entirety of existence) appear before him and conjure a sausage up his nose.
    “OW WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?” Dorgoth bellowed. As he pulled a sausage as thick as his wrist from out of his nose.
    “Ummm... I was trying to cast an awakening spell on you, sorry” mumbled Simon whilst blood flowed freely from Dorgoth’s nose and collected in a pool around his feet.
    “Well be more careful next time, there’s blood everywhere.” Dorgoth had barely finished this sentence when Amrazoer came sprinting down the dusty road that separated the houses in Redroot.
    “Oh crap” was all Dorgoth had time to exclaim before Amrazoer leapt on him. Amrazoer wasn’t madly in love with Dorgoth and probably wouldn’t have ever acknowledged him if it weren’t for the fact that Dorgoth was an emo. You see Amrazoer was a vampire and being a vampire with an abundant affinity for blood, Amrazoer loved Dorgoth. Amrazoer was on him for less than a minute but she completely cleaned his chest, neck and lower face of blood before saying a hasty goodbye and jogging back up the path. Amrazoer has drunk almost all of the blood off of Dorgoth (leaving his nostrils, she may be a bloodsucking parasite but she has standards) and left him and Simon speechless.
    Now, onto the topic of redroot itself. Redroot was a small town in the middle of nowhere, it was quite possibly one of the most boring towns in the strange world its inhabitants resided in, nothing ever happened there... Apart from the time a giant dragon attacked the whole of Lungland (a country in the west Atlistic ocean, Redroot can be located in the south of this country) and the town mayor beat it to death using nothing but a few toothpicks and one of Mrs Livers cats... And a battleaxe the size of a horse! But apart from that nothing has happened in Redroot! Oh I forgot the Demon of rotten souls... And the giant chicken of Mirada’s wrath, and the evil snakes, and the disease of envy, and the fanged rhino, and a few other things. But apart from the 73 mildly interesting things that have happened in Redroot. Nothing has ever happened in Redroot.
    Redroot was a farming town that was surrounded by fields and a forest that goes on for miles, but if you climbed up the bell tower and looked out you could just about make out the vague outline of a mountain in the distance. I don’t know why you would do these things because the bell tower smells, so I have to come to the conclusion that you are just plain weird. Anyway, most of the houses in Redroot were bungalows or simple brick houses, nothing fancy. There was one school and it was for all ages from toddler to teen, but wasn’t a very good school. All roads and paths in the town where simple dust and dirt roads, the sort of dust that got everywhere so even just a short walk down to the town centre would leave you washing dust off of you for days. The town centre had actual stone slabs for flooring instead of dirt and they were even fairly flat slabs. I don’t know why I have bothered to tell you all of this because Redroot doesn’t serve much of a purpose to the story. After people leave to go and save the world and stuff it doesn’t serve any purpose.
    Good, now that I have vaguely introduced a few characters and a location I think I will skip ahead to the beginning of the actual story.
    It was a normal day in Redroot when it happened. Normal clouds, normal trees, normal roads and ‘normal’ Mrs Livers who wakes up at two in the morning to wash her cats. (Dorgoth once tried to eat one of her cats and was surprised by Mrs Liver’s strength and speed as she lifted him from the ground with one hand and delivered a crippling punch to the gut with the other before tossing him by the roadside). But the evening held an occurrence of a more alarming kind. A lone horseman (YES I KNOW THIS STORY IS RIDDLED WITH UNORIGINAL IDEAS BUT JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH) rode into town. He was beaten and bleeding and his horse could barely walk but it managed a trot as it carried the stranger into the small town. He was clearly dehydrated, looked like he had been riding for days and was bleeding in several places. A crowd gathered around this stranger and Sceptimoron (a boy with strange views on the world) and Krissie (a techie cyborg who never had the right equipment for the right situation) had to do all they could to stop Amrazoer from jumping onto the horseman and lapping up what little blood the man had left. When Amrazoer looked like she was about to break free from her two friends she accidentally cut Sceptimoron on the lip. She quickly took a liking to Sceptimoron and she descended on him, fangs-bared. After a strange couple of minutes while Amrazoer and Sceptimoron appeared to be locked in both a violent grapple and a French kiss, Amrazoer detached herself from him, burped quietly, and having drunk her fill, strolled off. Sceptimoron scrambled to his feet and tried to remain dignified. He ran back over to the group that had left him and Amrazoer behind and returned to Krissie. She smirked and opened her mouth to say something when Sceptimoron interrupted her.
    “SHUT UP, I know what you’re about to say,” he blurted out.
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” said Krissie innocently whilst smiling sweetly.
    “I don’t know why that stupid writer even thought of that bloodsucking vampire, she doesn’t even contribute much to the storyline, I wish he had invented a cheerleading squad instead of her!”
    Krissie was about to question Sceptimoron on his latest remark when a mixture of blood and words erupted from the horseman’s lips.
    “They’ve done it, we must flee, there is no hope!” he moaned. The crowd around him just stood there and stared as he delivered his message.
    “They’ve done it, we must flee” he repeated. Before leaning over to the town mayor who seemed to be the only who hadn’t stepped out of the stranger’s five metre radius in fear. The stranger whispered something into the mayors ear that no-one else heard, I could tell you what the stranger said but that would ruin the fun of the story so I will simply tell you this, The stranger whispered something into the mayors ear and it must’ve been something pretty scary and awful because the mayor (yes the same one that fought off a dragon) fainted. And as if they had been waiting for this as a sign, as if they had been hiding at the edge of the forest waiting for the mayor to faint. A thousand goblins flooded into Redroot, swinging axes and maces above their heads.
    “You’ve got to be kidding me” said Dorgoth as the invading army swept in. Dorgoth heard screams from the edge of town where people had not come to see the horseman and the goblin army had reached them. Dorgoth probably would have stood there doing nothing but staring, rooted to the spot by a mix of fear and mild annoyance. But luckily for him his friends were quicker to react and Dorgoth soon found himself being half dragged half thrown to the town centre. It wasn’t until he tripped over a stone slab and hit his face on the floor that Dorgoth was jolted awake from the strange dream-like state that he was in. He snapped to his senses, saw his friends Simon, Sceptimoron and Krissie surrounding him and propelled them all into the bell tower.
    The first thing that hit them was the stench from the place, it smelled like every dead body in the entirety of the existence everyone seems to be so fond of had been left to decompose in that tower. The second thing that hit them was Amrazoer, she had obviously sensed Dorgoth’s blood from his fall and bounded into the tower knocking over everyone in the process. They would have screamed out at her and told her not to drink the blood from Dorgoth’s head as he was looking very dizzy and pale from blood-loss but at that moment the goblin hoard reached the town centre. No-one knows why the goblins didn’t enter the tower but instead stayed clear of it. Simon assumed that the goblins were just really bad at looting and pillaging things and as a result missed a few things as they looted and pillaged unsystematically and randomly. But that probably wasn’t the case as the goblins missed other places like Mrs Livers house and the public toilets so I have come to the conclusion that they didn’t like bad smells (which, to be honest, is the most pathetic weakness for an army to have). So instead of the goblin hoard rushing into the tower and killing everyone inside the five friends just lay there in terror. All except for Amrazoer who was busy drinking the blood from Dorgoth’s head.
    Once the sounds of a large army invading a small, helpless town faded and the goblins shuffled back off into the forest the five friends emerged from the tower. The goblin army were not only a nuisance but were extremely inconsiderate. They hadn’t just stolen all the valuable items like goblins usually do but had also killed everyone (apart from Mrs Livers as she stank too much and the goblins stayed clear of her house), and they went about this last task without the slightest of consideration on how being killed might have an effect on the routine of the town. Mrs Higgins had to put back her washing up to Thursday, I know right, THURSDAY. That’s a whole extra three days without clean clothes. Everyone was dead so it doesn’t really matter and I’m probably being a drama queen because Mrs. Higgins was dead as well and she would never get to do the washing up... but THURSDAY I mean seriously, I would like to give those goblins a piece of my mind. Even the mayor was affected by this inconsiderate deed that sent the whole town into chaos (that what happens when you don’t stick to a routine kids), I mean apart from the spear sticking through his chest and pinning him to a nearby house, his itinerary for the week had to be scrapped because the town hall needed repainting. It also needed to be rebuilt along with half the town because the goblins liked to burn things to the ground and the fire quickly spread. But once it had been rebuilt, I'm sure it would have needed to be repainted and had the mayor not been pinned to a wall (don’t feel sorry for him though, it was a nice wall) I’m sure he would have painted the town hall himself, because he’s that kind.
    Only seven members of the town had survived to my knowledge. Others probably fled in time to survive but only seven people in the town were left alive (it would have been six but I still need the mayor to tell Dorgoth what the horseman had told him, otherwise the mayor would be dead by now but luckily for him I decided he was a stubborn and strong man). The five friends were still standing, as was the mayor and Mrs Livers who was protected by her own stench, she spent the whole invasion sitting in her house blissfully unaware that a goblin army were killing some of her few friends. Don’t worry only two of her cats were killed and she has so many she didn’t even notice!
    Dorgoth, Simon, Sceptimoron, Krissie and Amrazoer all stood outside the tower in disbelief, even Amrazoer was so shocked and horrified by the sight of her burning hometown and dead friends that she didn’t start having a feast on all the cadavers. Krissie (who has exceptional hearing) heard the moans first. She beckoned the others to come with her and lead them to where the mayor was struggling to stay alive.
    “d...r...gth” he whispered to the group.
    “I think he’s asking for you” Simon said looking at Dorgoth.
    “dr...gth” the mayor whispered again.
    “yes mayor?” asked Dorgoth.
    “c’m ere” moaned the mayor, barely able to make a noise.
    “yes mayor.” Said Dorgoth as he slowly and painfully walked to the crippled body of the town’s mayor. The one that just a few minutes ago was the largest, strongest and most capable man in the whole of Redroot.
    The mayor had a short whispered conversation with Dorgoth and it wasn’t very dramatic as Dorgoth didn’t understand what the mayor was trying to tell him. He had never even heard of the ritual that he and his friends were being asked to travel far to stop in order to save the world. As I said a sentence and a half ago, the conversation wasn’t very dramatic. But in order to maintain reader interest I have condensed it into something a bit more dynamic.
    “Dorgoth you must stop it” pleaded the mayor.
    “Stop what?” Dorgoth asked whilst tricking a dramatic pose (am I overdoing it a bit?)
    “Dorgoth, for the sake of the world you and your friends must stop the ritual... The Burning Ceremony of Consuming Pain.” (It wasn’t actually called that but it sounds cool so every time the ritual is mentioned I will replace it with “The Burning Ceremony of Consuming Pain”)
    On his last word, the light faded from the mayor’s eyes and the five friends (now that they have a quest I should refer to them as heroes shouldn’t I?). The five heroes gave each other worried looks and turned their backs on the town forever. In search of the mountain the mayor asked them to locate (I left that bit out earlier because it wasn’t dramatic enough). They were told that when they arrived; they should locate the headmaster from the wizard school. He would tell them what to do from there.