It was a bright sunny spring day in April and things had been going our way lately. . . or my moms' way at least. My mom just got married to some divorced guy from New Hampshire. His father was a New York businessman and this was lucky for my mom because he saved the Kmart she was working at from getting closed down. Then my mom got declared employee of the month. . . so things have been going great, for my mom at least.
Well, it's not like I minded having a new father or my mom being more lucky, but his house really did stink when we moved in. For some reason there was peeling wallpaper and very stained furniture that seemed like someone had tried to cover it up. The bathroom stunk of something unknown and looked like a garbage truck hit it. . . In fact the whole house looked like a truck hit it. There was a stink coming from down the hallway in particular. I went into the guest room. I was suppose to be staying in the guest room. Lucky for me it seemed like the only room that could pass the health inspectors' test so far. I looked in the drawer and there was a used toothbrush, an old hairbrush, dental floss(also used), and an old sweater - one of those tacky Christmas sweaters. I decided to take the evidence out of the drawer and put it in a bag just in case it belonged to someone in the house. Someone else who was living in the house by the look of it, but who?
Why do I ask those kinds of questions you ask, because I'm Katie Zanders health inspector and detective! That's why when I found the room where the odor was coming from I saw the mess coming. The room portrayed that the person was obviously masculine and must have been a relative of my new father to be living with him. I observered and discovered the person had messy short curlish hair(probably from the stench), preferred wearing rock band T-shirts, baggy pants, and obviously like their natural smell(they don't wear deodorant when they're in the room). In further inspection, I found a picture of him in my new fathers bedroom. He was wearing a green suit at their wedding-he must like that color for the smell of it. Also, judging by my parents cleanliness, it's obvious he felt not worthy of them and hoarded gross valuables in the guest room. . . like some sort of shrine. Perhaps to a gross girlfriend or maybe something else.
Eventually I decided to get something to drink, to take a break. I got a fizzy pop out, set it on the counter and looked for something to go with it. When I turned around to my pop was open and not fizzing anymore. There was evidence left behind, some kind of drool. I shut the fridge and searched around the house. The person was in the stinky bedroom.
The person didn't eat supper with us and I didn't have a clue to what they were doing. My dad just left some pizza by their door and they took it when I wasn't looking. There was a glowing green light in there until a little after I went to bed.
I peeked out of my covers when I heard a noise in my room. Someone was getting in my drawer, they put something in it and then went into the bathroom. I immediately went over to inspect it and there was an ugly yellow glowing crystal in the drawer which made me fart when I touched it. I closed the drawer supersized, but not enough that I didn't notice the person leaving the house in a zombie state. I followed them out and down the road to a lake that had an alien spaceship floating just above it. Hairy, garbage covered, tentacled aliens came out of it and took him aboard saying 'he'll be one of us today'. I followed them on, but by the time I got to him it was too late. He got shot with some type of beam, but the aliens weren't very happy when he turned into a raccoon instead.
I hastily made my way to him and unhooked him. We both ran for it back to the house and woke up mom and dad. By the time I explained what happened the aliens were hovering over the house, but then it started to rain and their ship started melting like ice cream. It was dissolved before we knew it.
Thing went back to how they were suppose to be. I went to school and my new brother who I found out was Dan or Dirty Dan as my dad liked to call him, ended up turning back to normal on his own when he wanted a shower. Well all's well that ends well.
Although the aliens were too afraid to come back with my brother now cleaner, we never figured out what to do with that fart crystal. Ewww.
- Title: untitled
- Artist: silver dew
- Description: Random funny short story about a girl who thinks about being a health inspector.
- Date: 08/07/2020
- Tags: untitled
No comments available ...