• Here's the link...Why did I deserve such thing?

    * * *
    "I'll never love again, only you in my whole life."

    That's what I kept telling myself but I had to be cynical, it's over all over and I have to move on. You love somebody else and I could do nothing to stop you. It hurt me, sure. Just when I thought it couldn't be any worse.

    You blocked me, deleted my e-mail form your contacts, got me out of your life. It's hurts even more to know that my once-lover and my bestfriend is pushing me away. I tried to communicate with you through my mule account, I sent you PMs and comments but I get no reply. Commiting suicide never came across my mind before, but I started to think twice about it. You were my life, I'm nothing without you.

    But on Friday night you responded and agreed to talk to me, I know you won't unblock me so soon, but I had to try. I realized that I should get on with my life.

    I'm an adventurous person, tell me to bungee jump, I will. Tell me to sky dive, I will. I told myself to find someone new, I guess I have to.

    I went to rally to socialize and met Jared.
    "Hi, I like what you're wearing. Or should I say not wearing." That was Jared's pick up line. Sure it was cheesy but I like it, I decide to have a few laughs with him.
    "Lol," that's all I could give back.
    Jared and I talked and talked and he actually made me forget about whats-his-name. I like him and I want to be a part of him.

    And all of a sudden he asked me out, on the same day we met. I felt that it's kind of awkward to say yes so soon, especially that we've only met so I refused and said no. He was upset but it's how it should be. But that didn't kept me from having a crush on him. When we said our goodbyes I was sad, but again that's how it should be.

    I kept thinking of him every night. Call me sick but he starred in every of my fantasies. The question of when I'm going to meet him again worried me.
    "What if I don't meet him ever again?" The question bothered me. And I seemed to regret rejecting him, but I knew better than to say yes. I don't want to make the same mistakes all over again.


    Well I talked to him again, he's a really nice guy. I remembered when he told me that all of his girlfriends left him for another guy. I will never do that to him, never. The thought shunned me. Never? Who am I, his girlfriend? And I was sad that I am not his girlfriend, I guess I wanted to be.

    I didn't know that it was our last conversation, after that he disappeared. I saw his status and saw that he was never on after that night. I guess he's living his life now. I had to be cynical again, to tell myself that there are million other guys out there. Why cry over one?

    I went to rally again and I met Artemio, another nice guy and he was hitting on me. We did this and did that. He's a great guy but he started to talk about us being a perfect couple. I was turned off because I realized that I want to be with Jared not Artemio, I shook the though off my mind and told myself that maybe I could like Artemio more than just a friend.

    I was grounded the night I met Artemio, grounded for two weeks. When I was ungrouded I saw that Jared was still not on I was really sad and I told myself that he's just one of those guys who just come into my life and walk away. I knew I had to froget about him. But the next day, I saw him on. I was happy, sure but he also posted onhis status that he finally found love.
    "What a luck girl, I just hope she don't cheat on him." I thought.
    I PMed him, welcomed him back and asked about the 'love' that he newly found.
    He replied back and told me that it was just something he wrote so girls would go away. He made a room in rally and invited me to hang out with him.

    I went into the room and he was alone.
    "What's up?" Jared asked.
    "I waited and waited for you...for weeks, might be even months."
    "Scarlet, you're still beautiful." He said.
    I was flattered and he also forgot my name.
    "I love you," he confessed his love to me.
    "I think I love you too." I lied. I didn't thought I love him, I knew I love him. I had to talk to Artemio really soon.

    I talked to him later that night and told him about Jared, and my real purpose with him. I apologized for any feelings that developed then I started sobbing because I really felt guilty for using him. I used him so I can get over Jared when I'm not really over him. Turned out to be that Artemio finds me really special because I remind him of his ex and he told me that he was not trying to win my heart.

    Artemio and I are still friends, my ex and I are still communicating through my mule account ( I know I shouldn't be talking to him because he's a jerk and because I have Jared but he's my bestfriend and I don't want to lose a friend.)

    Jared and I are dating...Isn't that just so lovely? After going through a rough time mending my heart I finally found someone who will take care of it.

    Love is a cycle, you break your heart and it heals again... After a tragedy comes happiness.

    "There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it."
    -George Bernard Shaw