• tab No one likes to have to live in a dump; at least I know I don’t want to. A cluttery room is unhappy room and an unhappy room is lived in by an unhappy person, not that I’m saying you guys are sad but that’s the kind of impression that a messy room will give people when they come round. There are only two solutions: one is to somehow or another take your room on an epic Caribbean cruise, and I can’t stress this enough, WITH mimosas (it is a well known fact that all bedrooms strangely enough absolutely adore being treated to mimosas, or is that just me conjuring random statements that don’t even make sense?) OR you can spend a few precious hours of your oh so busy day and get the mess in your room sorted out. Anyhoo, enough babbling; here is the step-by-step guide of how to de-clutter your room THE proper and approved way (although I don’t know who approved it. Probably some insane chinchilla of a person who would last a minute of this twisted nonsense. Gaaarh! When will I ever be normal enough to finish any school assignment without going completely overboard and talking to myself whilst typing up the draft?) Ok, I mean it this time. It’s time to begin the step-by-step guide of how to de-clutter your room.
    Ta Daaaaaa!
    tab Step One: Collect up all your trinkets, papers, objects and other doo-dad’s that you don’t have a clue where they came from and put them into boxes or containers. Any of your rank, dirty clothes strewn all over the floor or on top of the wardrobe, or any other conceivable place, should be put in a pile for washing. Any rubbish you stumble across should go in the bin or, if you’re like me, chucked with very little discretion out of the window and into the grouchy old man next door’s garden (although I do not recommend this; grouchy old men have a tendency to go a bit coo coo, if you know what I mean, and phone the police when people dump litter in their garden) All this should help clean the place up a bit.

    tab Step Two: This may not be so pleasant for all you unfortunate readers who don’t like to get your mitts dirty. You need to hoover the floor, dust the shelves, clean the windows and shoo of the dust bunnies that live under the bed (savage little creatures). Spit and polish never did anyone harm, unless you somehow manage to vacuum up your cat (that could get quite painful for both of you). Your room should now be sparkly clean!

    tab Step Three: Sort it all out! Go through all your stuff and say to your self, (either out loud or in your head, it doesn’t make that much of a difference) “Do I really need this?”. Get rid of anything you know you don’t want. Giving to charity shops is always a good thing to do, except if it’s stuff that people really wouldn’t want to buy, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, apparently. Try to recycle as much as possible. All your old papers and magazines should go into that green box. Always remember, save the Earth! It’s the only planet with chocolate! (Nom, nom, nom!) Just so you know I stole that catchphrase of a magnet I gave to my dad for his birthday. If you’re feeling sentimental about anything but you know it’s really just a piece of junk, maybe give it to a younger sibling so you can see it whenever you want and still not have it taking up precious space in your little soon to be haven. Keep your most special, valuable, or simply drop dead gorgeous objects in a box or container to put back in your room later. BE RUTHLESS! Get rid of anything you really don’t need.
    tab Step Four: This is probably the easiest and most satisfying step there is in this guide. Take all the stuff you’ve decided to keep back to your recently tidied room and place it where you want so that it is all perfect for you. I can’t give you any real good tips on how to do this; it’s all down to you and your interests. Maybe try colour coordinating things or place objects of the same common theme together to make the display look more structured. Or if you’re into that Yin and Yang stuff or whatever… Basically, do whatever you think shows off your personality and still makes your room look great (unless you have a really messy personality, then we would be back to square one). So there you go. You’re room should be brilliantly tidy and astoundingly pretty so that when you have friends over they won’t be wading through your pile of mess. Also, you should feel pretty good too, after all, what have I been saying through this whole guide? Say it after me: A happy room means a happy person! So go and enjoy you’re amazing new room!

    tab Disclaimer: I do not accept any liability to injury, loss of life or any other misfortune that comes about by following these instructions. The reader follows this guide at there own risk. After all, I’m not really one who should be writing such guidelines as to “de-clutter” one’s room as I myself live in a total pigsty which I just can’t be bothered to clean out.