• It has been a strange journey since we last spoke, it was always a strange road when we were together. My life has been lived in these increments of time that slip by in long stretches, yet in short memory. It has been longer now, that we have been apart, than the time we spent trying to be something that we never were supposed to be. I'm thinking of you now, because as usual, another increment has slipped into nothingness, and, as usual, I am heartbroken. I feel as though I have learned nothing in all of these years, that have died since my birth, about how human emotions work. I frequently refer to myself as not being a person at all. The people that mean the most to someone, always seem to mean the least to the person they so ardently care for. With you, since you, ever spiraling, are these abusive relationships, meaningful, passionate, deceitful, noncommittal relationships. I'm not thinking of you because I still love you or even because I still care for you, because I actually don't, haven't in many years now, but you are still my first life lesson, that I learned absolutely nothing from. I am still trying to find a meaning to my life, a direction I care to go in. I'm in an open relationship, my other cares deeply for me, and I care deeply for her too, but I'm constantly finding myself as the one breaking her heart, as my heart seeks to be broken by others.