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We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
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I feel.. unwanted.. Un-needed.. Uncared for...
Why Don't I just crawl under a rock and die?
Because I've met the love of my life...
And he promises to take care of me 'til the end..
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I long to hear you speaking to me..
Talking to me, Saying you love me.
This world can be quite cruel..
God, I wish he didn't leave me like this..
I Wish I could turn back time..
To.. To say that I loved him.. And hug him, Just once before he died...
- by User 10168067 |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 07/15/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: Poems of Love
- Artist: User 10168067
-
Description:
^_^; It's just a few poems I thought up. and i wanted to enter this arena o:
by the way: The first Poem thing is actually lyrics from Rise against: Swing life away - Date: 07/15/2008
- Tags: love poems heartbreak emotional
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Comments (7 Comments)
- User 10168067 - 07/15/2008
- Huh, o.o' you're serious? Song lyrics? o_o;; Idunno. I Havent heard that song.. XD Hm.
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- Toastbusters - 07/15/2008
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Your meter is a little clear - perhaps a stronger focus on iambs would improve your work.
Oh, and my god, ellipsis abuse much? Actually, many of those aren't even ellipses, but double-periods - which I'll remind you, isn't a punctuation mark, rather an error.
If you're going to beat the hell out of a punctuation mark, please at least note the third period which comprises said point. - Report As Spam
- blackjade1 - 07/15/2008
- Yes, I know I misspelled "yours" in the fourth line. Sorry. I was just so frustrated that I was typing too fast. My mistake.
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- blackjade1 - 07/15/2008
- Hey, I like the first four lines that you thought up. It has a nice pace. It should though, considering it's part of the chorus from the song "Swing Life Away" by Rise Against. Taking credit for words that aren't your makes the rest of the poets who want to share their work angry. Not fair or creative. No stars or respect.
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- xX_Druids_Dragons_Xx - 07/15/2008
- This is a great poem! I wanted to say that to my ex even tho he didnt die.
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- User 10168067 - 07/15/2008
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thank you lisa~ ^^ T.T Last one I came up with last week when my best friend [yes im telling this to people if they wanna read it] who i had a crush on died in a car crash.. T~T; anyway
PEOPLE. ; tell me what I need to improve on? This is what Im good at. o.o; I want to know if there are any flaws. And dont say,
"its too sad. Make a happier poem."
There are 2 happier poems of the 3. XD - Report As Spam
- VerriCherry - 07/15/2008
- Wow, I think your poem is lovely and alittle sad (4 stars)
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