The Death Sight

• Artist: Maintenance DPH
• Description: An insperation thing I was working on off of a really cool picture.
• Date: 07/19/2008
• Tags: fright hurtfulnes love terror

All I can hear, is their screaming
All I can feel is their bones
All I can see is the death
But nobody really knows

I can never tell her the truth.
She would shun me for God knows how long
She will run from me when she's dying
She will not want to hear their songs'

She will run away in fear of me
And cry into the night
And then when she's alone
Dunrand will strike with fright

Comments

[BlackDream12]

I think it is a pretty good poem. Try rhyming more! smile

[a peace remaining]

Firstly, your subjects are confusing. Secondly, I understand the pain/fear in this poem, but can you think of a way to use language more creatively to express this? Try similes, metaphors, adjectives, and punctuation, for a start. Thirdly, I'm not sure if you're trying for a rhyme scheme or not. If you are, then your meter is off and the first stanza doesn't rhyme. If you're not, then please change the second and fourth lines of 2ndand 3rd stanzas as the rhyme is distracting.