Broken

• Artist: the_super_bleeder
• Description: I'm still an ameture, so keep that in mind. Constructive critisicisim is great. Please ignore the spelling errors, i cant type or spell XD. I like the rythym for this one.
• Date: 07/25/2008
• Tags: lies emotions ocean heart

With his lies tumble down all her dreams and her tears,
Alongside her crumpled heart arise new hate and new fear,
And she cowers from it all; confused by her emotions,
So she sends herself down to the bottom of the ocean.

Comments

[XxReplacedxX]

Good.. Might want more line breaks though, just to space it out, ya know?

[Dark Desire27]

love it, thanks for the comment

[Melody Amour]

this poem has a lot of emotion in it. Its nice keep up the good work!

[jewel_14]

hmmm a bit angsty but good the first line is good but had to read it a few times before i got it but all in all good job! biggrin