To BrokenHearted

• Artist: ceirwy
• Description: A poem written to the brokenhearted friend who cried on my shoulder.
  From Vera to Lisa.
• Date: 10/08/2008
• Tags: brokenhearted

Your mouth says
“I’m calm”
Your hands
Tell me to
Stop
Your eyes are
Screaming
So loudly my ears are
Ringing
And I feel like a rose:
Pretty to look at but
Useless
In a garden of pretty things and
pretty things and
You’re a tree bent down by the wind and
Shivering
He huffed and puffed
Blowing you down to splinters

I’m not a carpenter
I’m not good with my hands

Your eyes are
Screaming and
My eyes are
Pleading
For an answer
With hands
Praying
For a little glue

Comments

[bobodia10000]

The stanzas were set too short and made it difficult to read with rhythm. The rhyming was ok but got off on certain parts; HOWEVER, I do believe that the personification you were using to represent a person and the way they dealt with a problem was excellent.

[Evrana]

Well, thats certainly expressive, a lot of emotion and some great ideas. Some words and phrases though have been used in ppl's writing far to much so they lose effect and originality. But I love the idea(s) and it sweetness is pure. Its lovely. You have a kind heart.