• I was prepared
    to give Her my life
    my being
    my soul

    She stole my heart
    still beating and bloody
    from under my nose
    leaving just a hole
    it feels a mile wide
    though I know it’s not

    I knew from the beginning
    that this would happen
    that I shouldn’t trust Her
    I knew this months before I met Her
    I was reminded on Her first day

    She thought She knew me.
    She thinks She has all of what’s left.
    lucky for me
    it was locked away

    My heart
    what’s left of it at least.
    Though still scarred
    bruised
    and broken
    it’s still mine and can be fixed.

    As small as it is
    it’s enough for now
    to keep me here
    to wake me up
    for just one more day

    to keep me whole
    to see all She has done
    to fix it up for someone else
    someone who will take care of
    of my heart
    my being
    my soul.

    I don’t want to fix it
    It’s a part of me.
    I’m just afraid no one will want me
    the way I am
    “damaged goods”.

    I wouldn’t want me the way
    I am


    I will wind up being
    I will be.

    Until someone breaks me
    again
    and again
    and again

    until there is so little left
    there will be
    no hope
    no love
    no chance
    no place
    left for me in this world.

    Until there is no reason
    to wake up in the morning
    to get out of bed
    to see “friends”
    to see my family.

    I can’t just leave
    not this world
    not my family
    not my friends.
    I matter too much
    to too many people.

    To make things worse
    I have to
    see Them
    Him with Her
    Her with Him.

    I can’t stand it.
    I don’t want
    to watch
    to know
    They love each other.

    But wait
    doesn’t She
    love me too
    know I love Her.

    She’s walking toward me
    She doesn’t show it
    but I know She
    is upset
    is sorry
    wants me to be happy
    wants Him to be happy
    wants to be happy as well.


    She wants us both.
    She can’t though.
    Life doesn’t work that way,
    life isn’t fair

    I can’t tell Her
    that She needs to choose
    that She needs to let one of us go
    to break one of our hearts
    I just can’t.

    I just can’t believe
    I snatched Her from someone else
    I won Her over all the others.

    I wonder, at times,
    is this threefold
    what the other one felt?
    Or should I prepare for this pain
    twice more.

    Can I take this pain
    twice more?


    Time shall tell its tales.

    I can try.
    I have to
    for her well being
    for my safety.

    I can do this.
    I can take whatever happens.
    No matter the severity.
    I brought this pain upon myself.
    I can take what’s rightfully mine

    no matter how much
    no matter the price
    I will take
    My sorrow.