• To listening ears, these honest words have yet to touch. Those remain bewitched by my facade to assure my well-being. A automatic defense mechanism to prevent further prying into my insecurities; This protects myself from the further worrying from others. They turn their heads once they see all is well. Ironically, the childish decision I so call smart makes everything worse. I isolate the help to make myself feel alone just to help convince my own theory that no one is there for me; even if it was all a self inflicted delusion. This voice in the back of my head continues to talk while converting this doubt into false motivation and the will to do better. When, in fact, all hope might as well be given up, if not happened sooner. My internal goals and my external actions have grown too far apart to see any common ground of where to start.

    This effort might as well be useless since I've dug a hole too deep to get out of. All those strings that came to my aid eventually retracted to the light from my neglect as if I was happy where I was. Now I want them back, but why should I bother with asking for their help? When they asked, I said I was okay, so why should it be any different now? I'm still okay, remember. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm just fine.

    But the real thing is, I'm not really.

          - Twisted Nerves