started on this poem like months ago, finished that last few lines yesterday.
ermm, enjoy ^__^;;
It's 3am, and my thoughts, they flare
Conundrums I know I cannot bare
Remembering a past I thought I'd lost
The tainted reasons that started its cause
All alone within an empty room
Shadows reminded me of my gloom
Demise by terror were all I knew
That wind of fear inside me blew
A selfless deed I wish I'd avoid
To escape this and be engulfed in joy
Nothing could save me from what I'd done
Why must I remember what I've shunned?
It brings no joy yet the memories free
I'd given up someone so close to me
All the cruel words I used to let him know
"I'm not the one you want, just let me go"
Afterwards my eyes were drenched with tears
Leaving and passing peers willing to hear
But how do you say your soul's been broken
Right after you ripped a heart that was golden
My tears kept on falling as they flooded the floor
Where was my defense that had saved me before?
That doctor that told me I wasn't so strong
Said I'd develop some shield that denied my wrongs
That over the years I'd concealed all my troubles
That's why there was no need to tell of my rubbles
She said that I'd been faking my own perfection
And that she'd help me find again my direction
How could I consent after she made me so numb?
She had figured me out yet there I was, so dumb
No words came to mind as my soul was broken
I realized the reason I lived for had been stolen
My instincts jumped out as I gave my reply
"Now I think I've wasted enough of your time,"
"Don't worry about me; I'll learn to move forward."
Misguiding myself through the door I moved toward
The day after, my Michael faced all of my shame
Not knowing he argued with my soul untamed
I said so many things that inside brought me pain
Like "Being by my side, you'll have nothing to gain."
Yet there he was, my Michael, so naive yet brave
With unyielding aid for the soul he tried to save
What was it that unnerved me to run from it all?
What was it that directed me into that stall?
My reason to live, to define my existence
How did that bring unto Michael my resistance?
Yet within those few moments, I wanted to die
There was no reason to live just meaningless cries
That raging chaotic insanity I felt
Like nothing before, but these were the cards I dealt
I did this myself, there's no one to blame but me
This is what I've gained from hiding myself from me
I knew I had to face the hopeless thoughts of grief
I realized I was human with no disbelief
Then I felt the emotions I'd been denying
Not hiding myself but now freely crying
I gazed through the tears that landed on my hand
And sadness became something I could understand
In that moment, the emptiness in me became pride
Pride in me, knowing in myself I could not confide
That my strength alone was not enough to face life
In some way, my helplessness brought me joy, not strife
I figured out that I had closed myself out of fear
Of being hurt by anything that was unclear
But I still had a whole life ahead of me to live
And a new reason had been born, its strength did give
The energy to go on and give everything a chance
The will to face fate with a positive stance
It brought such a thrill, its delight, beyond words
All the pain I felt, gone like lifting a curse
From that day forward, I've tried to be better
Trying new things and never being settled
I still make mistakes but for each one I'm glad
Because I didn't fear an outcome that would end up bad
I try to give strength to others who ask
And at times to folks silent to the task
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm better than before
I refuse to quit when I know I can be much more
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