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Stuff from my heeead..
Here's where I'll be taking things that come into my head and putting them in words on this here site for people to see.
Growing up souds. . . scary.
I've been thinking about it lately. . . I've always looked forward to highschool and growing up and being on my own. But now that I'm about 3 years away from that independance, I'm worried. . . About alot of things actually.

Like achivement things: Will I be able to graduate? Will I get a driver's license? Will I get a job? Will I make it into college? Will I pass my exit exams? Things that I don't feel like I'm ready to be worrying about, really. I know I'm only a sophmore but I feel like it's all coming at me so fast and if I make one mistake, that would lead to a bad grade, which leads to making up a class, and if I don't make it up, I miss it and don't graduate and I'm a failure. Or if I don't understand my class and I just barley slide by? [I don't remember where I heard it but something said that I was a perfectionist and that a perfectionist is just someone still striving for their parent's approval. . . sounds about right.]I know I wouldn't be pleasing my dad enough. He won't be proud of me and. . . then what? And what if I'm doing my absoulte best and it's not good enough? Not good enough for a good college or for a good job. I wont be able to live on my own and I'll end up living with my parents for who knows how long. . . End up fat and alone like my uncle. He didn't move out of his parent's house til he was 30 somthin'.
It's all so close! Like I'll get one summer job and BOOM! It'll lead to another job, a bigger better job with more money. . . Then I'll have enough to buy a place to stay and before I know it I'm on my own. That's super fast if you ask me. Everyone I know says that their highschool years went buy real quick . . . that in itself is what scares me. And if I try to dodge this life that's speeding at my face, then I'll be looked down upon like I wouldn't be able to face that life even if I wanted to.
It's like my childhood and I have been moving forward together into "adulthood", it's my friend and it's been holding my hand the whole way, and suddenly highschool comes and my childhood falls behind. And I can't stop and let it catch back up with me cause I'm being pushed in the other direction by parents and teachers and the entire rest of society that says in these 4 short years, you're supposed to find yourself and define yourself and become who you are. . . to become an adult. eek
I know getting your highschool diploma is a big accomplishment. . . huge. . . But to be completely honest, I don't like watching my friends and cousins and everyone graduate and take off. Cause that means that I'm that much closer, too, and I'm dragging my nails on the ground hoping it wont hit me so fast. I want to enjoy highschool. . . not stress over my future.

What's worse. . . in an extremely selfish way. . . I am not looking forward to my friend, Denise's, graduation. By then I'll have no friends left in highschool. . . It's just me and the giant scary tests and the college prep and all the things that the junior and senior year put you through (not that I'd have any personal experience). I don't like watching her pull her hair out cause of AP Exams and SATs and visiting colleges and writing what seems like millions of important essays. I like the Denise that will have a good time and play Halo with me and ride around outide dressed as who knows what on some loser 'rip stick' that neither of us can ride. XD
But according to stupid highschool, that's not gonna be the same for long. I'm sure she'll get into some amazing college cause she's so smart, and while she's off becoming even more brilliant, I'm stuck in my puny school being eaten alive before being spit out into the real world to join all the others.

I guess all I can do for now is. . . work hard in school. . . spend time with my friends while I still got 'em. . . and hopefully slow down and pay attention to what's happening right in front of my nose while I'm passing by on my way down this long yet oh-so-short road people call Life. . .


User Comments: [3] [add]
Ninja Nise
Community Member
commentCommented on: Wed Jul 02, 2008 @ 07:31am
Hey, hey, hey......... calm down. Trust me, I know where you're coming from, and it only makes it worse thinking that much about it. While I am NOT advocating that you just go through high school and say "screw you" to the real world, I do think you shouldn't worry that much about it. And if you're worried about time, here's a piece of advice: if you think that the time'll go by fast, it will. Don't worry so much about your future, you're just a sophomore. You still have some time to be carefree, so make the most of it while you can. I am truly sorry that our society's standards force you to make up your mind about your future so early in life, but you should never be so prepared that you give up the fun things in life. I know you'll be just fine in the real world. So don't worry right now about the what ifs so much, just focus on the now, alright? And your future will be a happy one, mmkay? :3

commentCommented on: Wed Jul 02, 2008 @ 09:12am
I felt the same way. I watched as my friends graduated and become something. I was so worried about what I was going to do. I was too late to figure out where I wanted to go and ended up making the best decision of my life. Instead of going off to a university, I went ot community college. I'm going for a few years then I'm transferring. It's so much easier and I've met so many people. Broaden your horizons. I had to do that when my only friends both went different ways. Paul is on the other side of the coutnry and Denise goes to a whole different school now and we barely see each other through the year. I've seen her more this summer than I have all last year. Sometimes, you need to make more friends. That's what my mom told me and so far I've made eight friends in college. Don't worry so much about your future right now, but don't be so careless that your grades drop. Be at a happy medium. Everything is going to be okay in the end. Soemtimes it takes you a while to find out what your passion is. I didn't find my passion till my junior/senior year. It was finalized my senior year. Plus, hgih school isn't the only time to find yourself. You still have college. I believe that's where you truly find yourself. In high school you just have thoughts and desires but once you get to college, you truly figure out what you want to do with your life. Don't worry about it Amanda. We're here for you. ^^ Even if we live far away or go to different schools. We're friends and that's a bond people can't break no matter how far we are. I loves you!

Community Member
Through My Lens
Community Member
commentCommented on: Mon Sep 28, 2009 @ 06:31am
Hah... look at the difference in comments..
Denise gives me advice.. and Dee tells me about her problems.

Always been like that. Next time you wonder why I pick someone to talk to over someone else, now you'll know why...

User Comments: [3] [add]
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