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The Poet Inspired
I just Heard a poem by a poet I've heard of but never heard before
I stumbled upon his work through a YouTube link on a different YouTube page
I listened to work which was delivered through what I suppose would be qualified as a"Def Poetry Jam"
The words he decreed, only half reading from a long parchment he unfurled before he began and dropped half way through, were charged with emotion and politics the likes of which I had never heard before
After I listened to the poet's words a total of three times, my mind drifted to my own poetry
The words weaved into my own bastardized version of poetry seemed selfish, egotistical, hallow in comparison
Why doesn't my poetry send a message of "Stand up for what you believe" or "We will no long be ignored" instead of "My heart is broken" or "I am so alone"?
Why am I such an egotistical poet?
Should I change?
Is my verse even considered poetry?
Is this rant only fueled by Insomnia and self loathing or did Mr. Saul Williams touch me with "Coded Language"?
Is it neither?
Is it both?
Did her basically telling me "I'm eventually leaving you, tough luck ********" have anything to do with this poem, like it usually would?
Why did that man's words change my mood from feeling sorry for to being angry at myself?
Why is it that my poems lament about how alone I am, yet I keep myself basically isolated, aside from people I fool myself into thinking I know because I spin precious and carefully placed words together and convince them that I'm "Sensitive" or "not like those other vile men"?
Where does my inspiration come from?
Myself or others?
Do I live for myself or others?
Do I hold any credence to the words I said in my youth "I would have killed myself a long time ago had I not had so many people depending on my existence and if I didn't have so much do to"?
Should I be crying while I write this?
Is this desperate plea for someone to read and understand this amplified by the fact that I haven't spent real quality time where I felt I grew closer to a friend since I was at college?
Why were my most important and meaningful relationships the ones where I either was left with my heart shattered into shards that stuck into my chest and leaked into my blood stream or I ran away because my vision went too far into the future and I was afraid of my own thoughts of "she's too much like you" and "you might end up marrying this chick"?
Where the ******** is all this coming from?
Is my mind so afraid of slipping away into insanity from lack of sleep that it decided to spew out all these facts that I wouldn't even share with the people I pretend to trust?
Did all this truly come from listening to a fellow poet empty his own heart just a little and recite