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How I would have improved Twilight.
The books are okay. There are a lot of things that I would have done to make it better.

For example,

1.) Not using the word "beautiful" to describe Edward (or synonyms alike that otherwise don't actually describe him) at least once a page. By page 70, she uses the word 100 times. That's 1.4 times per page. We counted. We drew a little birthday cake when we hit 100.

2.) Give an actual description of him, really, would have made it better. Because in the course of the first few chapters, she describes his hair as copper, bronze, blonde, dark blonde, dirty blonde, and tawny.

3.) Not contradict my own internal logic (as per Breaking Dawn).

4.) Creating a dominant female role that doesn't stand up to negative stereotypes. Let's see... Bella writes a paper on how Shakespeare was a sexist b*****d, without thinking about the context of his plays and that not only were they written in the 15th century, but for a largely male audience. And then she decides to go to a town she's not familiar with, separate herself from the people she does know, and when finds that she's being followed she darts down a dark alley. Then, when things get rough, her soon to be boyfriend vampire storms in and saves her. I'm sorry, but darting down a dark alley because you're feeling chased is something that I've been advised against since I was 6.

5.) Create more intrigue. She created a world full of interesting people, and then only focused on a few of them when the REALLY interesting people are barely talked about.

6.) Use semi-colons.

7.) Condense it into one book. I tried. I really did. I was bored out of my skull. Would have been more interesting condensed.

8.) Use a word other than "chagrin" to describe unease.

9.) Edward shows all the signs of being an abusive spouse: moodiness, disconnect, overprotectiveness. He seeks her out, deliberately, to tell her that she needs to stay away from him. Mixed signals? Yeah. Me too. And the firm belief in "love at first sight," or being "made for each other" is a real kicker for those aforementioned mood swings if something goes wrong.

10.) All the characters (except for Alice, I suppose) are very flat. Edward is tall, dark and broody. Bella is average, intelligent (apparently), and in love. The Cullens are all protective and wary. Jacob is... built, and mysterious. I'd like to add a little spice to that.

11.) OH MY GOD, is there ANYTHING that they can do on a date that's actually fun? (Aside from the baseball scene, which was kind of interesting). You know what makes an awesome date? Bowling. Edward spends so much time talking about how horrible it is that he's a monster and blah blah blah that I couldn't possibly see dating him being any fun at all. Having a significant other that complains all the time is pretty much why relationships don't' work out.

12.) I would do my research. Not the sparkling vampires because... eh. Whatever. She's allowed to do that. She can make up her own mythos; people do it all the time. But even someone who lived in WA for some time has to know that the the indigenous peoples are very open to newcomers.

All I'm saying is that there are things in the series that could have been improved upon. Most of it is boring, one-sided, and self-fulfillment. She wouldn't have made as much money as a series, but a writer doesn't write to make money. A writer writes because it is something that they want to do, and if they make money off of it, then its a feather in their cap.

Gethsemane
Community Member
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