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Its a great week. My clothes got destroyed by a mouse. I've been starving because I can't get to the grocery store. It turns out YesAsia doesn't have Onigokko in stock and because of this the rest of my order is being held up (but at least I'm getting the rest at all). I got broken up with. The phone company hasn't been getting the payments I've been sending out and therefore told me I'm 2 months behind (and what happened to the money???). My weak attacks are happening more frequently (but this could be because of the starvation) with bonus gagging. My hip pain is back with a vengeance. And now I'm going to get kicked out of my apartment because of said mouse (hello homeless life). OH WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE I LIVE.

I'm like...borderline angry. Why does this keep happening to me? What the ******** am I doing wrong? I'm endlessly nice, I'm giving, I'm kind, I help the rehabbing junkies, WHAT MORE DOES THE WORLD WANT FROM ME?? My health has been taken from me, love has been taken from me, I can barely walk! What else can I give?!


But I know that the moment the anger wears off I'll go into a self-beating suicidal depression episode. Its happening more often lately. Medication doesn't help.

Everyone always says, "you're so strong, Vi. You always bounce back! I could never go through what you go through!" But why do I have to go through what I go through? Why do I have to be admired for something like this? I don't want to have to go through these things! I want to live a good, stable life where I don't have to worry about ridiculous things like being abused or people who stab me in the back! cry I don't want to be homeless and sick on the street! I was so close to figuring out my asthma once and for all! What am I going to do now?

I have a wonderful friend from Gaia who would like to take me in, but who knows how that will go? I am so scared. So very scared cry I know she has the best of intentions, though. It is not her I am scared of.