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failure my second semester at columbia is starting to crash down to hell. I've already failed yet another class. this is my very last week of school. I've been thinking all this time just how much I'll have time to myself now and maybe even be more active on the guild but that just might change. I guess out of all my friends, I am the most depressing. I never really have a positive thought about anything and I'm always quick to down myself. me constantly failing is a discourgement to life. I don't even believe anymore that I have what it takes to apply myself to college. every class that I wanted to pass I've failed. I thought that college would be the greatest experinece in the world but I starting to fell like it's not. I want to do animation yet I have to go through all of these dumb a classes just to take it. I need english I, Drawing I, and Foundation of 2-D animation I just so I can take animation. I seriously thought that these classes would be a breeze but I guess not. I dropped my foundations class because they asked too much of me that I couldn't offer and because I registered late, I wasn't even given the chance to really catch up so I dropped it. my drawing class was like what the ****. my teacher was black (I'm black too just to make things clear) and he talked way too deeply about art that I still don't understand. I mean seriously, he just talks too much and has this attitude about him that I don't like. not saying that he's a bad guy but I don't get inspired by him at all. I really believed that I could've made it to class today if I applied myself correctly the night before which of course didn't happen. for starters I was still sick with my unknown chest cold so I manged to get zero sleep that day nor the days before. the night I wanted to start on my work, I ended up falling a sleep early. over all I ended up doing my work in the morning thus making me so late that I missed my class. 3 absences equals an F and that was my forth. I peaked into the class room at 7:30 today to see if I could come in but he was speechless. he gave me this look that just basically said, there's nothing I can do for you. I honestly tried to pass that class but I guess I didn't put enough effort into it. Now I just don't know what to do. college was one of my life goals that I promised myself that I would alway achieve. now that I'm here, it's like what was the point of even going to college if I was just going to fail. so here I am just sitting here on my school's computer typing about my pathetic issues. waiting for 9 o clock to head back up stairs for him to tell me that I failed and there's nothing I can do about it. I guess one of my biggest issues with why I can never pass these classes is because of my home. I lack the ability to do anywork at home. I seriously just can't focue there. I can't sleep there and further more it's depressing there. I tried to distance myself from my best friend but with out him, I wouldn't have made it this far. I've come to understand that me hidding things from tends to just burden me more than anything. any time I talk to him seriously, he actually listens to what I say and then gives his smart a coments about the situtation that really helps me a lot. I don't like depending on him but if I don't, I'll never be able to progress in life. being at home makes things just seem like time has stop and life just simply have no meaning. I love my family a lot but the issues that go on at home affects me much more than people would know. if I told my mother I failed then she'd say it was because of my going out so much and not doing work, when in reality I was going out so much so I could get work done and to focus on me. this is depressing and now I worrried about tomorrow. my labtop is busted because of that stupid windows update that put a god damn non genuine stamp on it that won't go away, so now I have to put it on safe mode whenever I want to use it. but this is pointless, why do I even bother at times... never mind. Life will always go on. there's nothing I can do about it. I made my choice to fail by not applying myself like I should've so there's no point of me getting upset.

Posted by: aozora fox Tue May 09, 2006 @ 03:07am

[img:67ec11760d]http://img33.photobucket.com/albums/v99/RayneVirus/aozora_banner.jpg[/img:67ec11760d]

[img:67ec11760d]http://tinyurl.com/23den[/img:67ec11760d]

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Rein Sangeki
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Commented on: Tue May 09, 2006 @ 06:06am


	It's ok man. Don't worry Aozora, we are going to work through this I promise. Your with me, your not going to fail. You may have lost one or two battles, but be assured we will win the ******** war. -Rayne

Commented on: Tue May 09, 2006 @ 07:27am


	ho ho ho..... thats enough of introductions. lets see you think your an unmotivated failure eh.... hmmm i can down you as you put it, i mean i can seriously down you or i could encourage you or if i think hard enough i could even give you some ****** good a advice but. a flash of truth and a moment of enlightenment wont help you. i mean if i give you advice it would only take you so far and praise is charging your cellphone for 5 mins. a minute of life and then its out again what you need is something you know you lack. a muse..... inspiration something there that will pump you up. and the problem is you are your own inspiration. its not an insults its just that no man aspirses to be himself. what i mean is no one looks ahead an says hey damn it im going to be me as i am now. there is someone that everyone wants to eb or something that evryone wants. even monks aspire to be enlightened. but sometimes that in itself isnt enough, for a lot of people. its enough for pro atheletes and muscisians there drive to be the best is alone enough to keep them going. and somee people have other people like a supporting girlfriend a supporting family a supporting girlfriend....(man i want a girlfriend T_T ) etc. but you dont have that. what you have to do is find that something a reason, a good reason, a real good reason. something that will say hey damn it i cant play naruto i have homework to do or hey damn it i cant sleep i got to study and you get up and wrap a band around your head and trudge through. i mean dont get me wrong you have drive it just dosent shift in to overdrive or mega drive. or super awesome spectacular stupendious phenominal drive(only i have that :mrgreen:) but yeah you need that. os this is what you do lay down gett comfortable and drowsy and think scan your mind for that muse which makes you pop up and say hey damn it im tired of saying hey damn it. look in you r past your present your future hey ******** look under a rock but find it. and you 'll know you have it because its going to say hey damn it. and it'll be something you can use over and over again to inspire you. and its hard as hell to find it took a me like 3 days and that was in deep meditation. but yeah think about that.... :oops: i said "that" (im so naughty :xp: )

MERCIFUL
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aozora fox
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Commented on: Tue May 09, 2006 @ 08:43pm


	Thank you nate but once again you make me wonder about you.... well my cell has no head set so yeah... no way to contact me until like maybe wednesday night because I'll most likely try to track rayne down. eeto... well just a little bright news, I passed! but yeah, the figh ain't over and I'm full from off of taco bell and 7 eleven so. I'm out... sweatdrop

Commented on: Tue Jul 11, 2006 @ 09:18pm


	I hope things worked out for you Aozora-san. But always remember~ Quote: "ALWAYS LOOK OOOOOOOOOON THE BRIIIIIIIIIGHT SIIIIIIIDE OF LIFE~!!!"

Maestra de Gladi
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