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I'm just so fumed up about yesterday at Naka-con. It was my first one and turned out to be simply terrible.

I went with my so called "friends", Micheal and Ernesto, who make fun of me on the way there, Ernesto calling me ugly. Then pushing it with how long it took me to get ready, which was an hour. "Why did it take you an hour to get ready Abbey?" "Abbey, why do people call you Endy? Stop acting like your not yourself."
"Your a nerd, a geek, a drama queen."

Why do I have to put up with such hatred? Ya know, I'm in tears right now. I have to hang out with people like that because no one else would. I can't help being ugly and I wish I wasn't. No has any idea on how much I spend looking at myself, wondering how I can achieve anything because I'm not pretty?

My whole life has been nothing but hate and when I grow up, god has blessed me with being ugly. So my whole life has to be having something wrong with me or being disliked for no reason. I try to be nice to people but I don't recieve kindness in return. I hate myself for it and even though I press on with wanting to be an actress, I know I can't because I'm not pretty like those other girls who get dance all night on Broadway.

Had it not been for my Huckleberry friend, I would of gone and hang myself by now. No one but her has any idea what it's like for me and never will. She doesn't even really know but loves me enough to be my friend.

Those who just to call me "emo" well, I could care less. I was taken away from my parents at age 9, learning my mom is skitzofrenic and the man who I grew up with isn't my real father. My brother is also autistic. I was made to live with my aunt and now my current godfather, untill she dumped him and moved to Leawood, me included. There she ment her now husband and started to abuse me, locking me outside to rack leaves for hours, making me wear what she wanted to wear, drinking milk that made me sick three times a day and going out to eat all the time, leaving me behind to eat bread with turkey. Then one night, decided to beat the s**t out of me with a spatula and then a fiber glass ruler. So then I went to live with foster parents, who limited me from lots of things because they were christan and yeah. Plus, the government didn't let me see my best friend or family for a really long time.

So finally after all that, I got to have a better life but by then, my cute little face as a child turns out to be so ugly that people have to make fun of me for it, guys have to poke the side of their friends and say: "hey, hey there's your girl." and just roll their eyes at my blessed squeaky voice. Since the first day of Kindergarden, I was not well liked but now, now I have to deal with this crap daily.

I don't want to live like this anymore and though I'm a strong figher, though I can get through it like always, I'm tired now. I'm just growing weak and want to let it die...