• Chapter One - The Mystery Begins


    The first note coincided with the first day of school, interestingly enough. It was sat upon Remus' bed, there in the fifth year Gryffindor boys' dorm, just waiting for him when he, and the rest of the Marauders, piled in, bumble tumble, baggage and all, laughing and giggling at being reunited once again, and ready for a fresh year of mischief and mayhem. "What's this then?" Remus wondered, picking up the small piece of parchment. He unfolded it curiously and as he read he began to blush.

    "What is it, Remus, got a secret admirer?" James teased him, which produced an answering snicker from Peter. But Sirius was silent, feeling a sharp pain suddenly attack him in the immediate vicinity of his heart. Just why that was, he couldn't say. And he didn't stop to analyse it. But he knew it hurt. "Read it aloud, share with us, laddie," James encouraged him, and when Remus would attempt to push the missive out of sight, the taller boy grabbed for it, and although Remus struggled, he became distracted when James tickled him and took it, and began to read...

    <i>"Dear Remus, I've liked you for a long time, but I haven't had the nerve to tell you before. Until now. I think you are very sweet and very sexy. I hope we have a lot of classes together.

    (signed) Your Secret Admirer"</i>

    "Remus has a secret admirer!" James whooped, and Peter echoed with shrill titters. Remus blushed and stuttered, taking the letter back and stuffing it under his pillow - the first place he could think of. Only Sirius remained silent. Until it finally became obvious to the rest of them that he alone had said nothing, had not teased their friend about this new development in his heretofore nonexistent lovelife.

    "C'mon, Sirius, say something - you know you want to," James prodded him, while Peter stared at him as if he had a strange fungal growth upon his chin, and Remus seemed to be paying no attention to any of them - perhaps caught up in wonder at the letter? Sirius petulantly threw himself upon his bed, turning away from them, growling.

    "No, I don't," the pouty puppy barked. And the others knew better than to try to reason with him when he was like this and they simply tiptoed away, leaving him to his sulks. Which Remus didn't understand. Neither did Sirius, for that matter. He had waited all this time for the chance to tell Remus how he felt about him, how much he cared about him, and wanted to be with him. And here some unknown illiterate twit had stolen his thunder, and was making moves upon his wouldbe boyfriend? It was unbearable, it was unthinkable - and when he found out who the b***h was - what would he do? What could he do? Nothing, and he knew it, stifling a moan. Nothing other than to hope that it was a joke - a cruel and senseless joke - not to be repeated.

    While Remus gazed at the silent form and wished that it were Sirius that had written the letter - that Sirius could possibly feel the same way about him that he felt about Sirius - for he had fallen in love with him the moment he saw him, four long years ago. Even though he was too young to put a name to it then, he felt it. And now he knew it for what it was - he, and the wolf, were in love with Sirius Black, and no one else would ever do in his lifetime. But he was sure that Sirius didn't feel the same way - and the knowledge was killing him.

    The next day at breakfast, all that James and Peter could seem to talk about was the mysterious note and Remus' secret admirer, although Remus himself seemed very uninterested in the subject and Sirius had not a word or thought to spare for it - none that he cared to share, that is. Neither one ate very much, and it was almost with a sense of relief that they went to their first classes. Although it didn't help when James commented that the person must be a Gryffindor to be in so many of Remus' classes, which kept Sirius watching him like a hawk all day to see who else was watching him. Or dared to speak with him. But there was no one, and pretty soon the newness of it faded away, and life at Hogwarts went on the way it always did.


    There wasn't another note until Halloween, by which time the first one had been forgotten - or at least had ceased to be a topic for discussion. Sirius remembered, of course. He couldn't remember which assignments he should be doing for History of Magic, but he remembered every last word in that blasted note. Remus found the second note nestled inside his DADA textbook, when he was gathering his things together to study.

    <i>"Dear Remus, Being back at school with you is wonderful. You're always so thoughtful of your friends. Hope classes are going well for you too. Happy Halloween, and I'll be thinking of you tonight. And dreaming of you as well....
    (signed) Your Secret Admirer

    Sirius had grabbed the note from Remus' hands before the other boy had had a chance to make heads or tails of its contents, read it and threw it back in disgust, before stomping out of the dorm, very disgruntled, leaving a confused Remus in his wake. And a laughing James (and of course Peter, who copied everything that the other did).

    "Go on, go after him," James urged him, "tell him to quit being such a git. And remind him we have quidditch practice tonight..."

    Remus raced down the stairs, letter clutched tightly in his grip, dashing into the common room, narrowly missing a first year that had sprawled out there to read. But there was no sign of Sirius there, just a sedate Lily Evans seated before the fire, a book upon her lap and several more spread out around her. She glanced up at his entrance. "I'm afraid Sirius just ran out, if you're looking for him. Probably gone to the astronomy tower, if I had to guess. He seemed upset."

    Remus shrugged, as if it were of no great importance to him where the boy had gone, his heart beating irregularly within his breast, as he threw himself sullenly into the chair beside Lily's. He handed her the note in silence, waiting while she digested it. Unlike James and Peter, she did not laugh, for she had more common sense than they did (which wasn't hard to do).

    "Ah," she said, nodding as she read, "that explains a great deal..."

    "It explains nothing," Remus muttered, taking the damnable letter back into his hands before tossing it directly onto the blazing fire, where it was quickly eliminated, with little fanfare. <i>Good riddance</i> he thought to himself.

    "I think Sirius is jealous," Lily explained, glancing warmly at her friend and fellow prefect.

    "Sirius? Jealous? Of what? And why?" Remus bluffed, although he knew what she meant, he just didn't believe it for a moment.

    "Of you," she continued smoothly, "I think that Sirius likes you, and is jealous of this secret admirer."

    "Of course Sirius likes me, we're friends," Remus didn't meet the redhead's eyes, staring instead into the dancing flames. "You know that. All four of us. Best friends."

    "I think he likes you as more than a friend," Lily said softly, "and I think you like him too. Am I wrong?"

    Remus' breath caught in his throat as he gazed at the girl, dismayed. Was he so very transparent then? He averted his eyes quickly, lest he betray himself.

    "Remus?" Lily said, and he felt her gentle hand upon his arm. But fate intervened at that moment, in the guise of James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. James came jumping down the stairs making a noise reminiscent of a howler monkey, landing in the middle of the room with a flourish and a bow, Peter imitating him, but poorly. Lily's attention was distracted long enough for Remus to rush out of the common room, cheeks aflame. For some reason his feet were directing him toward the Astronomy Tower though. Almost against his will. Maybe she was right, maybe Sirius really did like him, and maybe, just maybe........

    ....his heart gave a major lurch when he spied the two figures, standing at the base of the Tower, almost appearing to be one they were so close. Had they not been moving, Remus would never have known they were two. And then the clouds parted just a tad, enough for the light to make their identities visible, and to his great dismay, he recognized Sirius - in the arms of some blonde. He couldn't tell who it was, not from the back of her head. But what did it matter. Their mouths were clearly meshed, and their bodies were entangled.

    Remus thought he was going to die that very moment - in fact, he wished he could. How very wrong Lily had been. Sirius very obviously cared nothing for him, and here was the evidence. Hot tears scalded his eyes as he turned about and blindly made his way back to the dorm, away from everyone and everything, where he crawled into his bed and hid, drawing the drapes against the world, and sobbing his heart out silently into the night. Had he stayed a moment longer, though, he might have seen the two figures separate...

    "Marlene, what the bloody hell?" Sirius yelped, pushing the girl away from him. He had been on his way into the Tower when she had waylaid him and taken him in the liplock which Remus had witnessed - and misunderstood.

    "Sirius, don't make that noise, you sound like a dog," the girl chastised him, attempting to bring him back into her clutches. But he would have none of it.

    "Stop it," he said in obvious annoyance. "What's got into you? Did someone douse you with love potion or something? Why are you looking at me like that?"

    "Sirius, I just wanted to kiss you, you sexy thing you." Marlene McKinnon began to pout. "You're the hottest guy in the school, you know. Very sexy."

    Sirius blushed at her words, even as he wiped the memory of her kiss from his lips with the back of his hand. "Well, thanks anyway," he mumbled. The only good thing that had come of their encounter was it had temporarily distracted his attention from the note. The new note Remus had received. Dammit. And it had also proven to him that girls' kisses did nothing for him. But then he had suspected that for some time. He'd kissed a few, and never found them to be very interesting. On the other hand, simply thinking of Remus made him warm all over, not to mention very hard. A reaction he had tested more than a few times, in the privacy of the shower, or in his bed. And oh Merlin, how well Remus was built! The glimpses he had gotten of him as they dressed more than proved that. He was hard put not to be caught staring at the size of his huge member. Must be the werewolf thing, he decided.

    Dammit, he wished he hadn't gone down that road. And he must be giving off pheremones, cause Marlene was still standing there, her attention now riveted on the southerly portion of his frame. Merlin, she probably thought she caused it, he groaned.

    "I can help you with that," she offered gently. He almost gagged at her words.

    "Um, thanks, but ........um.......I gotta go," and before she could recover what little wits she possessed, he had fled the scene, back to the dorm. Maybe he should talk to Remus. Maybe Remus liked him in some way. Maybe...

    But when he reached the dorm, he saw that Remus was shut up for the night, and he realized he was just indulging in wishful thinking. And he lay awake in his bed, wondering if Remus was dreaming of his secret admirer.